It Isn't Over Yet
by reyes139
Summary: Everything they said, everything they did, everything I saw was about him and his memory. He left me. Yet here I stand eight years later, still drowning in his memory and the destruction he left behind. B/E promised HEA
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I was hit with another plot bunny and had to get this out…I was minding my own business driving home when Adele's… Someone Like You came on and Bella started screaming in my ear to tell her story…**

**I lost sleep and became a bit withdrawn as her emotions kept going through me and when I just needed to tell someone… I looked to two of my closest friends Kyla and Steph and they loved the idea and pushed me to write this puppy…**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter. **

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**It Isn't Over… Yet**

**Prologue**

**Song for chapter**

**Adele- Someone Like You**

**Bella's POV**

I used to be a happy person. I grew up in a home with my crazy scattered-brained mother and over protective father that loved me beyond comprehension. They both doted on me, always took time at night to do my homework with and or play board games after dinner. I never went to bed without my dad reading me a bed time story and telling me "You'll always be my little girl, Bell's, no matter what happens in life. I'll always be here to chase away the monsters and catch you when you fall. This I promise you my sweet angel."

I was truly the epitome of daddy's little girl.

And I believed him; never did I doubt his love or question his decisions when he forced us to move away. Maybe things would have been different for me, if I would have questioned things instead of just going with the flow. Maybe I would have been spared this never ending hole that now resides in the middle of my chest. Maybe I would have found love and not been dealt the life altering heartbreak that I just can't get over.

No matter how many years it's been since that night, I just can't get over it.

Instead we simply packed our shit and moved, following him as he chased down his dreams of more. And in the end that's what led us here to the small city of Naples, Florida.

You see he was offered the position of chief of police there, with a 'big' bump in his pay. It was his dream to hold that type of position within the community he lived, and as such my mother and I supported him without second thought.

God how I wished my mother would have said something when she wasn't completely sold on the idea. Or if I had spoken up about how sad I was to leave the friends and family I had in our old home.

Instead we stayed silent and moved, to a place where everything was sunny and different from everything we once knew.

The weather was always warm and humid; long gone were the days of horrible winter storms and equally as horrible clothes. And even though I hated the cold wet environment we once called home, I missed it now more than anything.

It didn't take long for my mother fall in love with the town and within the first week she had a new best friend named Esme Cullen. She seemed nice, sweet and had three children of her own. Two boys and one girl made up the Cullen trio. Because of the new friendship between the two of them; my house was always filled with her children.

As my relationship grew with her children, so did my popularity within their little group of friends. Pretty soon the chief's house was the place to be as a kid. Boy would that change, as we grew older.

It was as if no matter what, we found ourselves in trouble for one reason or another.

All off a sudden the chief was the 'authority' and the old hangout became just… 'My' home again.

I grew to love them all very much, don't get me wrong they were the first to accept me with open arms. We were all so different but the same in many ways.

Alice was the youngest; with a small frame, jet black hair, big blue eyes that screamed with innocence yet held crazy ideas all at the same time. She was our lookout. She kept us all in check, and made sure our plans on teenage rebellion didn't end with us in the back seat of my father cruiser.

Emmett was the oldest, the muscle of the group, and biggest trouble maker there was. His pranks were legendary, and if you happen to be on the receiving end, well….let's just say you ended up praying that you didn't end up bald like Mike did that one year. Okay, that one was actually really fun to watch.

Mike was a jerk, but I digress.

And then, there was _him_.

He was the man behind all the plans. His intelligence and good looks never made you question him. All the adults' would see him as the responsible one, the one that had his head on straight and would go places in life. But to us, he was Edward, my boyfriend and the leader amongst us.

Then there was me, I was the leader's girl. The one every girl wanted to be, and who could get dear ol' daddy to let her friends go with a warning, if and when they were caught.

You could say we were a tight group.

At least I thought so…

We were inseparable from the time we met, till we parted ways…

I just couldn't maintain a friendship with his family after _he_ left me, I just couldn't bear to see them everyday and not breakdown.

Everything they said, everything they did, everything I saw was about him and his memory. I just couldn't face them without having to become an actress. For me it was to much work to even say hello without completely falling apart.

So ties were severed and friendships were lost to nothing more but a distant memory of what once was.

But what hurt the most was losing the faith I had in my daddy's promise to keep the monsters away. I lost all faith in him the day my heart was torn out of my chest. All because he wasn't there to stop the monster, from destroying me.

The way the monster treated me that fateful day only showed his true colors, to me his heart was black. He went about his way not caring whose world he crumbled, as long as he came out on top.

One would think you don't kick someone while they are down, but I guess that's a lesson reserved for those with heart. Because he didn't just stop and break my heart, no, that would have been too nice of him. He took my belief in men, my trust in my father's word and my best friend all at the same time.

Don't get me wrong I curse him to the fiery pits off hell for all this pain, but losing my best friend Alice, who was _his_ little sister was almost as bad-as his absence in my life.

Alice and I did everything together, and I do mean everything.

We went to the same schools, had the same classes, and shopped together. We both had boyfriends that were both seniors and we loved them more than anything in this world.

We went as far as to plan joint weddings, picked baby names, and planned our careers so we could work together. Because we swore it would happen, just as everything else had happened between us.

But the bastard took that… too.

The first year with out him nearly killed me. I lost weight, pushed my friends away and never spoke a word to my father.

Yep that year was loads of fun for me.

The second one was much of the same, but I made a friend.

Lauren became one of the only two people I let in and trusted with everything. She never once let me push her away, she stood firm and demanded I quit in her words 'Letting that prick continue to ruin my life.'

We were total opposites, while I was a fair complexioned brunette, with dark brown hair and curves; she was a tall, skinny blonde with a tan that looked more orange than sun kissed.

She brought me back in a way. Always pushing me to love again and I owe everything that I am now, to her.

The third year, I learned to laugh again and welcomed Peter into our duo, becoming a trio of our own.

College definitely changed my life.

Peter was and is the brother I always wished for but never had. I thank the Lord he came into my life and brought some sun back into what had turned cold and lifeless. He made me live again, even when I refused to.

Because of him I forgave my father even when I knew deep down it wasn't his fault. I just needed someone to blame, I realize that now.

And now even though I'm still jaded, it warms my heart to be daddy's little girl again. I never knew how much I missed being hugged by his arms, hearing he loved me, til I broke down and begged him to forgive me.

But being my father he just shushed me and said "You will always be my little Bell's and I love you. There is nothing to forgive angel."

My fourth year was where my world as I knew it was flipped.

From the day he left til this very day I write my feelings in journals that I hold dear to my heart. I laid bare all my pain in journals. These were my most intimate thoughts; all my pain and abandonment laid there for only me to see, my insecurities and little self-esteem shown brightly through every line written.

I never thought what was supposed to be a fun night out, in a coffee shops' open mic night, would drastically change everything.

I just didn't want to be judged by everyone, as they saw the turmoil that lie beneath the surface.

That night as I took the mic' and belted out the song I wrote when he found his future wife, garnered me the attention of a major recording label.

And as they say the rest is history, God that is such a bullshit line.

The fifth year was spent dealing with the label, and fighting for total control of my career.

I wanted to write my own songs, I didn't want to be a carbon copy pop singer. I knew what genre I wanted and they strongly believed I would make more and sell more being like very other young tart out there.

That just wasn't me and after a whole year of back and forth they gave in and Marie'- was born.

The sixth year was full of late nights in the studio writing, recording, and letting the world see and hear my pain.

Through it all I had my friends Lauren and Peter with me. They kept me grounded, pushed when I wanted to give up and never let me lose myself to the constant hurricane of activity I found myself in.

The seventh year I released my baby, self-titled Marie'. The critics loved my voice and jazzy vibe; I was called 'exactly what the music world needed'. The record exec's couldn't have been happier as every copy, on every shelf in America, sold out within the first week of release.

Tours were planned, performances were scheduled and my life was lived out of a suitcase for the next year and a half.

The eighth year is what brought everything I had to a halt.

Here I was in Miami's Van Dyke's café getting ready to hit the stage and sing the song that brought me to fame.

My palms always sweat before I sing this song. I always relive the day he left. The day he showed up with the blonde tramp on his arm and paraded her around town as if she was a prized calf and the day the town rejoiced on his impending nuptials.

As I hit the stage, everyone clapped and whistled welcoming me and reminding me why I love what I do.

The piano started the intro and I lost myself as I belted out the opening notes.

_I heard, that your settled down.__  
><em>_That you, found a girl and your married now.__  
><em>_I heard that your dreams came true.__  
><em>_Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you.___

_Old friend, why are you so shy?__  
><em>_It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the lie._

I can already feel the moisture build behind my closed lids. I pray to god that I can make it through this song as all my old wounds open for my audiance to see. My body trembles with the exertion it takes to keep myself from falling apart.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.__  
><em>_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.__  
><em>_I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,__  
><em>_That for me, it isn't over.___

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.__  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best, for you too.__  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-__  
><em>_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"__  
><em>_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah._

The chorus ends and I gear myself for another shot of pain, to rip through me as I remember him telling me those same exact words.

"_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"_

Those were his parting words. He said them as if all the pain, the rejection and wounds would just magically makes dissapear.

_'Okay Bella we are almost done, keep it together and finish out strong.'_

Okay so I suck at giving myself pep talks, but really, at this point it physically hurts to breathe, I just can't give myself more than that.

_You'd know, how the time flies.__  
><em>_Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.__  
><em>_We were born and raised in a summery haze.__  
><em>_Bound by the surprise of our glory days._

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,__  
><em>_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.__  
><em>_I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,__  
><em>_That for me, it isn't over yet.___

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.__  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best for you too.__  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-__  
><em>_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead", yay._

Almost done, almost.

I can hear the audience singing right along with me. Making me smile a bit, though on the inside, my wounds are fresh and gaping open for the world to see.

The more I give, the more they want, and as the ending verse starts, my mask slips and I show my true self.

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares.__  
><em>_Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.__  
><em>_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?___

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.__  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best for you too.__  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:-__  
><em>_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"___

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.__  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best for you too.__  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:-__  
><em>_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"__  
><em>_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yay yeh yeah_

As the final yeah is crooned out, I start to fall apart. The audience goes crazy with flowers thrown on stage, and whistle and cheers are heard throughout the space.

They applaud my gift of laying it all bare for them to witness. They see my wounds as things of beauty, and the saying a 'true artist gives their all no matter what' is heard all around to describe what I just gave them, even if a little of my soul died in their presence.

I can only manage a small thankyou in nothing but a whisper. I turn and head towards the exit, and as my foot takes the first step I'm automatically encased in Peter's arms, as he takes me back to my dressing room.

Once the door to my room is closed, I fall apart and release the sob that has been enclosed in my throat since the first line was sung. My body can no longer hold onto the that last shred of sanity I posses, and I fall to the floor.

Every rejection, every lie, every wound has been opened and brought to the surface. I live my life in a constant fight to keep everything at bay, but today, I just dont have the will to hold it in and like an active volcano I...erupt.

I dont know how long I lay there on the floor, alone, just letting it all out. But when my door is opened, harsh breathing is heard within the small room and a body falls next to mine, I look up.

To say I was scared and shocked, at what I saw laying next to me, would be a lie.

Never did I believe _he_ would show up here and look as bad as I felt.

As much as I wabted to demand he leave, when my mouth opened five little surprising words were uttered in a horse whisper instead.

"What are you doing here?"

**Okay so what do ya think...**

**This story has taken over my life and i love being able to tell her story ... hold on tight we are just begining...**

**Also before i go... this story will have a posting schedule of every 2 weeks... the chapters are very emotional and i need the gap to recover and write my other story..**

**Until I Saw You.**

**So get busy leaving me your thoughts... love you all!**

**Also dont forget to leave a vote for your favorite authors in The Tomato Soup Awards**

**thetomatosoupaward(dot)blogspot(dot)com**_**  
><strong>_**I've been nominated for best **

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Best mob story**

**And best phone sex**

**All from Until I Saw You**

**See you in two weeks…..**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I totally forgot to say that twilight isn't mine last chapter… but come on we all know this already… so yea**

**Okay so I was hit with another plot bunny and had to get this out…I was minding my own business driving home when Adele's… Someone Like You came on and Bella started screaming in my ear to tell her story…**

**I lost sleep and became a bit withdrawn as her emotions kept going through me and when I just needed to tell someone… I looked to two of my closest friends Kyla and Steph and they loved the idea and pushed me to write this puppy…**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter. **

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

Chapter 1

Bella's POV

Song for chapter

Michelle Branch – Goodbye to You

Eight years prior…

I sat with his family as he walked across the stage. I had an immense amount of pride, as he strolled across that stage and shook hands with his mentor and family friend, our Principal. There wasn't a single person in the auditorium that didn't beam with pride, as the town's very own prodigal son received his high school diploma.

His smile was radiant and his eyes shined with an indescribable brightness that lit up the entire room. His cheeks were tinged with a slight hint of pink. The Principal spoke into the mic' and recited the speech that over the years became the very essence of every fear I had within our relationship.

"Congratulations son, I'm so proud of you. You will make all of Naples' proud, as you go of to the University Of Miami School Of Medicine. We have such high hopes to have a world re-known surgeon amongst our own. You my boy have the world at your feet and the full support of this town. Don't let anything stand in your way, because you deserve so much more than this small town has to offer, dream big my boy, dream big."

I've never to this day, heard our principle give such a life altering speech to anyone other than _him_, those words were reserved only for our very own golden boy.

Edward's whole demeanor changed after those words were said. I noticed right away. Even though it wasn't the first time, it is as if those words became his motto and law before my very eyes.

You couldn't see the change unless; you knew what you were looking for.

His muscles grew tense, his face became stone cold and he barely said three words to anyone, let alone the friends he had since birth.

You could see the question on all his classmates faces as they tried to figure out where 'our' Edward had gone; we didn't know this stranger before us.

These were big changes….

He liked attention and to be constantly told how great he was. So when he brushed off the words of praise, nor would he meet my stare, I knew something was wrong.

I never would have thought that this was the beginning of the end. The end, of us.

All throughout dinner I continued in my attempts to garner his attention. I tried, but failed every single time. You could say I was hard headed. And should have left the matter alone but my fear continued to propel me forward and demand answers. But time and time again I was simply told. "Nothing" or "For fuck's sake Bella, can you let me be?"

After that final answer I left him alone and prayed that I had the will to keep the tears at bay. Because at this point they were desperately begging to be let out.

By the time he dropped me off, he had barely spoken ten words to me at any particular time, during the evening. I tried to kiss him goodnight and give a hug, but he quickly pushed me off and said "Not tonight Bella just get out! I'll see you tomorrow, be ready by twelve we need to talk."

Not wanting to upset him any further, I simply did as I was told and got out of the car. I walked to my front door and went inside.

Thank god no one was awake at that time; I was able to escape upstairs without the Spanish inquisition. I knew that they meant well when they asked, how my evening went with the wonderful Cullen's and their golden boy. But after the evening I had, it would just destroy me to tell them the truth or even worse to tell them a lie

As soon as I stepped inside my small room I broke down.

I felt so rejected, almost as if he was embarrassed by me. He made me feel so, _so_ insignificant as the night wore on, so small almost as if I wasn't good enough to be in his very presence.

Then came the words that would add insult _and _injury to my already fragile state of mind, the dreaded, "We need to talk."

I did the one thing that night that I haven't done since we moved here, and stopped going to church. I looked up towards the heavens… and I prayed.

I prayed that whatever was wearing him down, making him so hurtful and thoughtless, would stop. I prayed that the fun loving and romantic Edward I knew would come back to me.

And I prayed that he wouldn't leave me.

That was the first night my nightmare starring none other that Edward Cullen started.

All night, I tossed and turned. I kept dreaming off him telling me I wasn't rich enough, pretty enough, I was simply to plain and ordinary for him to even consider keeping me as his _girl_.

Lets just say that night I fought to not close my eyes and stay away from those horrible words. Funny enough as I think back now, I can see that my subconscious was already preparing, for the blow that was to come.

There was a knock on my door the next morning around eleven a.m.

My mother slowly opened my door and told me Edward was waiting down stairs for me. He had told her that I should dress warm since we would be taking a walk, and that I wouldn't be long.

I quickly dressed in a simple pair of sweats and his baseball team shirt. I hurried to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I took the time to-put my incredibly long and curly hair in a messy knot so that it wouldn't get tangled as we walked. I slowly made my way to meet him by the door.

He looked at me with such distaste as he took in my appearance; I internally cringed under his critical eyes. He always said I looked sexy in his clothes. He always seemed to walk around with a sense of pride, that _his_ girl wore _his_ name on her body. So the distaste and obvious disapproval was like another stab in my already tender heart.

"Let's go, Isabella, I don't have all day and this won't take long, that I promise."

He turned his back on me and started to head to the small wooded area just behind my house. It was hard for me to match his long strides and he never felt inclined to give my short legs any reprieve. Occasionally, when he felt I was worthy of his acknowledgement, he gave a small glare over his shoulders, to indicate just how he felt about my presence and slowness.

We walked for what seemed an eternity. I stumbled and fell twice and would you believe he never once slowed or asked if I was okay. But he did grace me with another "For fuck's sake Bella watch where the hell you're going, I don't have all day to deal with your incompetence."

My tears which had been held at bay until that very moment, finally poured, just like the shower above us that was beginning to make an appearance.

"Oh please, spare me the tears sweet heart, you're a big girl and need to grow a back bone. Not every one is going to coddle your ass; I sure as hell refuse to."

He had never spoken to me with such anger and hate in his voice.

"What's going on Edward? You've never been so mean or full of disregard towards me. What have I done to garner such a treatment from you? Why?" I needed to hear him say the words, out loud, for myself.

"You silly little girl." He tsked at me like I was a child. "Be honest Bella and tell me you never saw this coming from me? For months I've been trying to push your ass away and just like the little leech you are, you tried to clutch on to me tighter." He stood stoic and said every single word as he looked me right in the eyes. I couldn't deny the contempt that I saw there. "Fuck! Even when I fucked Angela two months ago, you just took it in stride and refused to believe the rumors."

My mouth hung open for a moment, before my hand connected with his cheek.

"You fuckin mean to tell me all that shit was true? What… how… I mean we were always together. When the hell did you have time to fuck her?"

His response brought me to my knees…

"Oh, that's simple Bella; I fucked her on _your_ birthday."

A sob erupted from me and I chocked as I remembered that night. He told me he was busy with his family and couldn't come, that his father had a very important colleague coming from Miami just to meet Edward and talk to him about the course and programs the University offered.

Of course, I understood.

I was the model girlfriend and everyone male in the small city of Naples was aware of how understanding, loving and devoted I was to him.

They all wanted me, yet here he just confessed to throwing me to the side for a quick fuck with a dirty skank?

"Why Edward, just answer me the why?" I pleaded through my sobs.

"Because I can't stand to look at you anymore, really it's that simple. Listen Bella, this was all really fun while it lasted, but I need more. I need better pussy. Wow I thought that would be hard to explain, I guess really it's not." He spit at me. I had never seen him so angry or careless towards anyone before. This man that stood before me now, was not my Edward.

I couldn't speak my heart was shattered, but that never stopped him from tearing me limb from limb for his sick enjoyment.

"You're just not enough for me, anymore! I dream of the big city and lots of beautiful women to warm my big king size bed, every night. I'm leaving to spread my wings Bella. To receive all the world has to offer me, and you well… you're just a poor, plain and insignificant little mouse that doesn't fit into my agenda. I need a woman that I will be proud to show off at all the parties, get togethers and dinners I attend with colleagues..." He shrugged his shoulders so casually. Surely, I had to be in shock. That would explain why I stood by so stoically and took all of his abuse.

"Sorry sweet heart but you just don't fit in my world anymore. So I might as well let you go back to your miserable existence now, while I move on to bigger and better."

I couldn't breathe.

My world had just been ripped from beneath my feet, and here he was talking as if we were discussing the weather. I had never seen a more uncaring and soulless man in my life. And to think I gave him five of the best years of my life… the thought alone just about tore me in two.

Was I so insignificant that he saw me as nothing more than useful toy to have, until something better came along?

I couldn't look him in the eyes. I knew I should look him dead in those gorgeous green eyes that I know are to bring me nothing but nightmares in the future. I deserved to demand answers, but I was unable to utter a single syllable and my chest grew tighter with each painstakingly harsh breathe I took.

Seeing me on the ground and having what I'm sure was a small panic attack brought him some weird comic relief, because the beautiful bastard just laughed at my pain and suffering.

"As much as I find your sad excuse of a show amusing, Bella get real and get it together, because I won't be here to take you back home. I'm leaving to go to Miami now. My family is heading down with me and looking for a place to live down there too." He turned to walk away, but decided to leave me with a few parting words first. "Alice told me to tell you goodbye and that she will be back to spend some time with you before the final move. But I'm sure once she settled in and has made better friends, you'll be nothing more than a distant memory. Goodbye Bella hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity."

"Oh and one last thing babe" he called over his shoulder in a condescending tone.

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"_

And then he was gone.

He never turned around or cared if I made it home in one piece.

He never once called anyone to come and find me.

He just left me there to die from a bleeding heart and empty soul.

Because the bastard took that too.

***Hides behind concrete wall* please don't kill me folks… trust me when I say all this has a purpose… I know it looks bad but all I ask is that you trust that I know where this is going …remember above all I promise an HEA**

**Next update we will continue with the rest of her first day and night without him… just warning you… bring mass quantities of tissues…**

**See you in two weeks….**

**Oh and please leave me your thoughts!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay so I was hit with another plot bunny and had to get this out…I was minding my own business driving home when Adele's… Someone Like You came on and Bella started screaming in my ear to tell her story…**

**I lost sleep and became a bit withdrawn as her emotions kept going through me and when I just needed to tell someone… I looked to two of my closest friends Kyla and Steph and they loved the idea and pushed me to write this puppy…**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter. **

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

Chapter 2

Bella's POV

Adele's- Don't You Remember

Song at the end is Keith Urban- Tonight I Wanna Cry

_The aftermath he left…_

I don't know how long I stayed there. On that damn damp floor, letting everything that just happened sink in. It begins replay in my head, further tearing my already fragile being in two.

He walked away.

He just left me there.

Not even a sad 'goodbye Bella' or a 'take care of yourself'.

No, all I got was a 'get over it and grow up'.

Was I not worthy of a little human kindness?

In his mind I guess I wasn't, and my confirmation came as he kept on walking. I never thought he would just discard me so easily after all these years. I had never felt so alone. My persona held little to no value in his eyes and as such, I was just as easily thrown away. I was simply left there, left to rot away in the depths of my pain.

I know it was silly of me to expect him to say anything to contradict what he just did and said. But I had to hold onto something, anything, to tell me _my_ Edward was still in there behind this cold creature that had just broken me in two.

I didn't know this man in front of me. This wasn't the man I loved and had seen a future with. He wasn't the one I saw at the end of the aisle waiting on me to be given to him, to love and honor for the rest of my life. No this man, wasn't _my_ Edward.

I held on to my hope until that last moment when he turned his back on me, on us. I prayed to the One upstairs, to please let him see the error of his ways and beg for my forgiveness. Even after all the insults and hurtful actions, I still loved him with everything I had. And as a love sick fool I would have taken him back and forgave everything without a second thought.

Naïve, I know, but you can't control what the heart wants and it still wants him.

But as the seconds turned to minutes, then changed to hours, I knew he wasn't coming back. I cried, I screamed and I just hurt all over at the end. I didn't have the energy to drag myself back home and make my own version of the walk of shame.

But with his absence came another vengeful being that immediately took over for him. A spiteful little troll came in and made himself at home as Edward's replacement, deciding I hadn't had enough yet. I wish he would take pity on me and stop the images and words from replaying nonstop on a constant loop, but this asshole of a troll just wouldn't let them.

Maybe, just maybe, the troll is working with _him_ to finish me off.

Every word was a slap to my already wounded and bleeding heart.

_I fucked her on your birthday_

_You're just not enough for me, anymore!_

_Goodbye, Bella, hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity._

I prayed as the words replayed in my head, that this had all been a nightmare and that I would awaken soon and be spared what would soon become my end.

But we're talking about me, and my luck just sucks. I was already dreading going back home and facing the feelings of abandonment that he left me with. But I had to. I had no choice in this matter but to put on my big girl panties and face the truth. So with a heavy heart and destroyed soul, I made my way home.

I was thankful that my house was empty as I arrived.

Making my way upstairs I went straight for the shower and climbed in with my clothes still on. I let the water pour over me and try to wash away the hurt and despair that had taken up residency upon my chest, but it was of no use…I felt dirty.

He used me for over four years.

For four years I gave him my body, my heart, and my soul. Sad thing is if you asked me if I wanted it back I would say no, it was never mine and never will be.

He owns me.

I never noticed when the hot water turned ice cold or when my mother entered the bathroom and turned off said water. I never realized I was being spoken to or touched by her, but when you are torn into pieces and you've been left to die everything else just doesn't matter.

It could have been hours, days, weeks… at this point I just didn't care.

But when my father reached into the tub and tried to lift me up, I snapped.

"Don't touch me!" I screeched.

My father and mother just stepped away, looking at each other, both mirroring a look of confusion and fear.

"Bella, dear what's wrong? What happened with Edward and why are you here crying?" My mother's gentle words did nothing to calm me and only further ignited the anger I had towards my father.

I completely ignored her and turned towards the man I once considered, my hero and friend.

"Where the hell were you? Huh?" I asked about four times on repeat with as much venom as I could inject every single time.

"What are you talking about Bell's? I was with your mom. You knew we were going to lunch with the Connor's today. And baby why are you treating me this way? What did I do to deserve such venom from my baby girl?" I could hear the sadness in his voice, but what about mine?

He always promised to keep the monsters away, but today he left me alone, to face the biggest one of them all.

"I'll tell you why father. You see while you were out having lunch with _them,"_ I sneered, "Edward took it upon himself to destroy me and leave me to bleed. He broke my heart, daddy, he told me I was nothing and that I would never be enough. Do you know how much I needed you there? I always thought that you would take care of me from the monsters of the world and today I was fed to one on a silver platter."

I stood there with my back squared and ready for another battle, but instead was met with my father's face turning white as a ghost to immediately go fire engine red.

I could literally see the smoke come out of his ears.

"What the hell do you mean Bella? What the hell did that boy do?"

I was ready to lay into him yet again when my mother jumped in and tried to make light of the situation saying it was "A simple misunderstanding," she parroted, and that "Edward loved me, he would never hurt me intentionally."

Little did they know?

Everyone in this town would never believe me if I told them word for word what he had said or done.

"Listen well because, I will only repeat this once. The man that came here today was not my Edward. _That_ man broke me in two and told me he fucked Angela on my birthday. Who does that? Well I'll tell you… Edward did. He told me he needed better…better pussy, better friends, a better woman on his arm than this silly insignificant town could ever offer. So yeah, you tell me if I misunderstood him? Because that man couldn't have been any clearer, if you ask me."

Their mouths had dropped to the ground at the end of my rant, especially after all the colorful words I suddenly added to my repertoire, since that was not the norm for me.

They both made moves to get closer to me and hug me. They only wanted to console their heart broken daughter, but their touch and pity only made it all the more real. I couldn't take it. Everything around me was suffocating, everything took too much energy from me, I didn't want to lash out but, I couldn't stop the words from escaping my lips.

"Get the fuck out."

My father tried once more to talk but before he finished saying "Bell's I…" my mother told him to let me be.

Even though at this moment I was literally a mess, and my thoughts and feelings were going haywire, I could have kissed her. She sadly turned to me and only said "We'll be here when your ready baby, I know it hurts, but we're here." She reached to hug me but I stiffened and she pulled back and kissed my forehead. I knew that it hurt her to see me in this condition but what could I do, I was hurt.

Turning towards my father I saw all the hurt I felt staring back at me. I knew deep down I wasn't being fair, but that didn't stop the resentment I held at the moment. Eventually, I would apologize but I knew deep down that day was very far away.

I was left alone for the rest of the day.

Eventually I left the sanctity of my bathroom and made it back to my bedroom, but not before a thorough and painful scrub down to get rid of all the filth, I felt on my skin.

Entering my room was another painful reminder of what we, I had. Every wall was filled with reminders of the love we once shared. Memories…

My memories were all I had left to remind me that what we had together was real, that we shared a major part of our lives together. That the man I loved more than life itself was not a figment of my imagination. That he used to look at me as if I hung the moon and made his days bright, filled with love and sweet caresses.

I barely made it to my bed before I crumbled to the floor.

I couldn't stop the tears that flowed, I wanted to, boy did I want to. But they came down without my consent as if the skies had opened up and let the world feel its sorrow.

My brain was so tired. Tired of the non-stop images of his cold and empty stare. Tired of replaying the uncaring words that left those lips, the same lips that had told me he loved me on so many occasions. The same lips that had said I would someday become Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen and we would be each others happily ever after.

I remember that day as if it were yesterday.

It was the day I had given myself to _him_, but now even that memory has been tainted with what occurred today.

I was getting so lost in my thoughts of all the sweet caresses and gentle words he said before he entered me for the first time. I remember him kissing away my tears, saying how honored he was that I trusted him enough to give myself to him. That I would always be his as he would be mine.

I remember the pleasure he gave me that night.

My body sang for him and only him. He played me as if I was one of his prized guitars; he knew what my body needed before I could utter a single coherent word. I came that night and came hard. He followed me shortly after, always reminding me of how perfect I was, how my body was made to be wrapped around his. That as long as I was always by his side nothing else mattered, because I was always all he needed.

But my favorite was "I want you, love, just you, for the rest of my life. I love you, Bella."

I'm brought back to the present as my I-Pod suddenly comes back to life, playing a song that fits me to a T'.

And as Keith Urban's velvety voice started to croon… I once again let it all go and…wept.

_Alone in this house again tonight__  
><em>_I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine__  
><em>_Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me__  
><em>_I'll never get over you walkin' away_

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show__  
><em>_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control__  
><em>_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain__  
><em>_To hell with my pride__  
><em>_Let it fall like rain, from my eyes__  
><em>_Tonight I wanna cry._

I felt as though he knew of my pain, took everything that ran through my mind and wrote it down for me. His words only spurred on more tears and kept reminding me of everything we've shared since we were kids.

_Would it help if i turned a sad song on__  
><em>_"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone__  
><em>_Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters__  
><em>_It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better__  
><em>_But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way_

_Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show__  
><em>_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control__  
><em>_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain__  
><em>_To hell with my pride__  
><em>_Let it fall like rain, from my eyes__  
><em>_Tonight I wanna cry._

It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better. But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way.

Really? I'm supposed to believe it'll get better? Well I guess Keith drank too much of that wine if he believes that bullshit. How can I believe that when just the thought of _his_ name brings me to my knees and destroys all I thought…?

Everything I am, or was, has been changed since his final words.

I feel like I should be writing the all-knowing Keith, asking if he knew who I was. Because as of this morning, I just didn't know anymore.

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show__  
><em>_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control__  
><em>_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain__  
><em>_To hell with this pride__  
><em>_Let it fall like rain, from my eyes__  
><em>_Tonight I wanna cry._

_mmhmm mm_

Well at least we both know what I'll be doing for the next few nights, maybe more.

**Okay so there you have it... thankyou all for the love and support you have given me... I love these character's deeply and I'm so g;ad that you are exepting and trusting me to give you all an HEA...**

**The journey wont be easy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel...**

**See u next time...  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so I was hit with another plot bunny and had to get this out…I was minding my own business driving home when Adele's… Someone Like You came on and Bella started screaming in my ear to tell her story…**

**I lost sleep and became a bit withdrawn as her emotions kept going through me and when I just needed to tell someone… I looked to two of my closest friends Kyla and Steph and they loved the idea and pushed me to write this puppy…**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter. **

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

**Chapter 3**

**Song for chapter**

**Adele's (version) I Can't Make you Love Me**

_First year he's been gone…_

"_Bella, wake up love we're almost there." I feel his warm hands on my arms trying to gently shake me awake, and I smile thinking this has been nothing but a nightmare._

_I feel myself relax automatically, when I slowly open my eyes and see his happy green ones staring back at me. I can't believe the horrible and crazy dream I just had. I will be eternally grateful to God and any other religious being that is out there. They took pity on my soul and released me from the prison I found myself in, giving me a chance to once again find myself looking at the gorgeous greens that bring me peace and love._

_Stretching like a lazy cat I get the kinks out of my neck and back. It feels so good to be here with him. I haven't paid much attention to where we are, but as I look around, I take notice of the fact that I'm sitting in his Volvo. _

_Seeing him grinning at me and running the hand that isn't on the wheel through my hair, I ask, "Where are we going babe?"_

_He chuckles at my lost state, taps his pointer finger on my nose and says, "To the beach, babe, I have some great news to tell you, and since it's so hot today I thought it would be a good place to hang out. Plus you love the water and after our talk I thought you would enjoy the water a bit." _

_I never questioned "You would enjoy the water."_

_I choose to just enjoy the day with the love of my life and just forget everything. Why waste my day with silly questions or over analyzing anything when I have him next to me._

"_So… What did you want to talk about babe? I hope everything's all right. Is this about Med school? Did you get an answer from the U.M.?" _

_He chuckles at my ramblings and just shakes his head. _

"_Bella will you be patient please? I promise all will be answered when we get there okay. And please don't pout; you know I can't resist those sweet lips."_

_He grabs my hand and brings it up to his lips kissing each of my knuckles. He lays my hand in his lap when he's done and continues driving._

_We reach the beach in the next blink of my eye and before I know it we are both sitting on a blanket watching the wave's crash onto the shore line._

_I'm sitting between his legs with my back to his chest completely content with forgetting all about the 'talk'. If it was up to me, I would never leave the comfort of his arms; I want to stay just like this. He feels so warm and as he rubs soothing circles on my stomach I have the sudden urge to purr. It feels so good; he knows it and makes it known by the small chuckle that escapes his lips._

"_I know you're wondering why I brought you here, Bella, but I have something to say and I figured I could be nicer to you in this dream, than I was in real life." I stiffen in his arms and as I try to turn and look into his eyes and plead for him to explain. I'm suddenly all alone._

_I panic and begin to look in all directions praying that this was a sick joke of his and he would come out saying 'gotcha'. But the more I look around, the more the beach turns into the small forest behind my house._

"_Edward, this isn't funny." I get up from my blanket and as I walk a few steps forward that disappears too._

" _Fuuuuuck! Please come out, babe, please I'm scared." I'm shivering now because my nerves are shot. Everything around me looks just like it did in my dream._

"_Would you just shut the fuck up already?" I can hear his harsh words but I can't see him. I try to head towards the direction I heard it come from only to hear "Her pussy felt so… good wrapped around my cock."_

_This comes from somewhere behind me and I try in vain to run to him when I trip over an over grown tree root. I scream out in pain only to hear his laughter right by my ear. I can feel his harsh breath on my skin… it feels warm and as I lean in towards him he sneers._

"_When will you fucking learn, huh?"_

_Suddenly I feel cold and his warmth is gone but that only heightens the eerie feeling coming over me as he continues to taunt me._

"_You are an insignificant little bitch, sweetheart. You aren't worth shit and never will be. I'm looking for a dime piece not a penny, and literally that is all you will ever be."_

_Tears flow down my cheeks, but I'm too stunned by his words to move._

"_Why don't you go back to that Podunk town and find someone on your level of insignificance and stop thinking or believing I will ever be back because I won't. You can pray to God or Saint you want, it won't change a thing. We left you Bella and we will treat you as if you never existed." His voice seems even further away then it has been this entire time._

_I manage to find some strength in my body and climb to my feet. I run towards where I last heard his voice but a menacing growl stops me dead in my tracks._

_His voice is now that of a weird rabid animal, as he spits out the next few words. "Oh and one last thing, wake the fuck up, I'm tired of hearing you scream and crying over me. I'm not coming back…ever. So get it through your head already bitch!" _

I wake up sweating and still hearing his malicious words in my head.

I look over to my window and notice the sun has barely begun to come up. I have no interest in going back to sleep after the nightmare he caused.

I never thought I would ever say this but Edward Cullen had become the center of all my nightmares.

Just as I'm contemplating going downstairs to make me some coffee I hear Charlie's loud footsteps on the stairs.

My father, ever the responsible man, gets up everyday and heads into the station two hours earlier than he's due to arrive. The man is a protector of our town and makes it his goal to catch and punish those that hurt the citizens of the town.

'Yeah right,' I let out a very un-lady like snort and roll my eyes at this.

Where was he as I was attacked verbally and left to die from a broken heart? He can put himself on the line for others, but not me. Why?

I believed in him. I trusted him.

But I guess saving your daughter from all this pain and rejection, doesn't fall under the duties of a chief of police, huh?

Knowing that I wouldn't survive another let down, I vowed to protect what's left of me no matter what.

I had to push away everyone that claimed to love me and I loved in return. My fear of getting hurt any further, settled the guilt I bore over ostracizing them. I had to protect myself. My sanity was barely hanging by a thread and all I knew was that I had to protect it above all else.

I guess you could say that _he_ taught me that. I had to come first, because no one else would care enough to protect _me_.

Wow, what a lesson to learn from the man that you loved, and claimed to love you in return.

I once thought I mattered and had the protection of those who loved me. But now that foundation has been rocked and broken to the very core. I just can't take that kind of chance…anymore.

I've become a fragile being.

I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone after the blow he dealt me, not even those that gave birth to me.

That day sealed my fate and as such it was time to start living and preparing for a life of solitude.

I kept to myself after that day. I never interacted with the outside world; I preferred the quiet isolation that my room provided.

My parents tried everything they could think of to reach me, but I blocked them at every turn.

Their concern for me was always there, but my mind and heart kept telling me it was all an act. There was a constant tension in the air and I knew it was because of me, but what could I do. No one dared to speak around me for fear of me breaking down. I constantly felt as if I were a demented patient, put away for fear of them hurting others or themselves. I couldn't keep on living with all these fears and doubts, but at the moment, I had no idea of how to make anything better for me or them.

I was so sick of everyone walking around on eggshells, in my presence.

I understood they were scared of upsetting me but really it made me feel even worse, if that was possible. I knew they felt awkward and uncomfortable with the constant crying and lack of response from me so.

I decided it was best for everyone if I just… stayed away.

It wasn't as hard, as I thought it would be at first. I hadn't spoken a word to Charlie in weeks, and I barely acknowledged Renee's presence. At first she tried to talk me into eating dinner with them or just simply spending some time with her, but soon she gave up too.

My lack of response was killing her but I just didn't know what else to do. The gaping hole in my chest never began the process of becoming sealed or even if it just became smaller, that would have be fine too. It was just… there.

Bleeding.

Killing me slowly.

Add to the fact that after a few failed attempts from her, to garner my attention, she too gave up.

I spent my entire summer just looking out my bedroom window…

Alone and surviving just on the small hope that still burned in my chest, as I kept vigil for his return. I know it was a waste and dumb but what else could I do when that small flicker kept me together?

When thoughts of ending it all came to mind.

That summer, as I watched the world continue around me, I learned and saw a lot.

I watched the little girl across the street learn how to ride a bike. I learned that Ms. Cope had some peeping tom tendencies. She would watch Mr. Thompson through her living room window daily. He would always stretch and get warmed up for the run in his front yard. She watched him intently every day, with a look of pure lust that made me gag, but thanks to my ever present empty stomach it never passed from there.

I learned that men were pigs as I watched Mr. Banner get home early every Thursday with a new bimbo on his arm. She would leave an hour later with a stack of cash in her hands. How did I know about the cash you ask?

Well, I watched him give it to her.

Mrs. Banner was never the wiser of her husband's afternoon activities, she was always so happy to find him at home with a lazy smile on his face. The bastard greeted her at the door every week and kissed the ever living daylights out of her.

To her, he was perfect. To me he was another bastard.

I learned a lot that summer thanks to my misery.

So I guess you could say all this people watching came in useful. At least I now know who and what these people do that live around me.

The one other thing during those first few months that helped me, were my journals.

I wrote every thought.

Every memory of our time together, that came to mind.

Everything was written in these journals.

Today's entry was the most heartfelt, I had added so far. It wasn't much, just a few lines, but they summed up everything I felt at the moment…

_You'd know, how the time flies.__  
><em>_Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.__  
><em>_We were born and raised in a summery haze.__  
><em>_Bound by the surprise of our glory days._

_Bella Swan first year after..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello my lovelies I have a few things to say today before we continue...First off while I know that what edward has done is harsh I truly do feel that everyone deserves another chance...Will he get off without any repurcussions scot free?No! but he will be given the chanve to work for it...when we are young we make mistakes and plain ol fuck up, it's what we do with these mistakes and lessons that form us into what we will be in the future...Just please keep this in mind while reading.**

**There will be an HEA just trust me!**

**Not now but in the far future after the have both lived and learned.**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

**Chapter 4**

**Playlist**

**Life House- Broken**

**Evanescence – My Immortal**

**Bella's POV**

_Continuation of first year without him…_

The Cullen's did come back in the middle of that wonderful and enlightening summer. They came over to have dinner with my family as soon as they were back in town.

It was as if nothing had happened.

As I sat there in the middle of our dining room, I watched as everyone around me stuffed their faces…I couldn't help but think.

_Did they really care so little for_ _me?_

_Was our friendship one of convenience?_

_Was my father's status among this stupid, small minded community so important to them?_

_Was it enough to make them befriend his only daughter, make her fall in love with one of your own, and then destroy every thing she was and knew?_

I sat and pondered all these flashing thoughts as I pushed around my dinner. It's not as if they noticed if I ate or not.

No, they were too busy talking about all the life and shopping they had in their new slice of heaven. Emmett and Edward's love for the beach and the countless hours they spent out there making 'new friends'.

I couldn't blame Emmett; he has always been very dense and never had a filter. To him I should have been over what happened, not dying a slow death.

But Alice, that hurt.

She spent two hours telling me nothing but how lovely the shopping was. She spoke about all the cute, tanned boys that hang out at the beach, hitting on her and her new 'bestie.'

Yep. Didn't take her a week to replace me, guess he was right all along.

"_But I'm sure once she settled in and has made better friends, you'll be nothing more than a distant memory. Goodbye Bella, hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity." _

Rosalie, according to Alice, was a blonde bombshell with more money than you could count, in one life time. Her parents were supposedly extremely open minded and let her do as she pleased…Alice ate it up.

Not once did she say 'I miss you Bells' or 'How have you been after my asshole of a brother tore you in two?'

Can't you just feel the love?

But what took the night to an all time low, was the Cullen matriarch asking if I was 'over the break up and seeing anyone.'

I have never wanted to bitch slap someone as badly as I did Esme that day.

Really, how am I doing? How about crushed, in pain, and utterly a shell of my former self? But instead I said "I'm great and so ready for the new school year to begin and as far as dating well..." I trailed off.

They all looked at me expectantly waiting for my answer.

Did they really think I owed them anything? I hope not because they were leading themselves down a road full of disappointment. My life, as of the day their son left me became solely mine.

My mother laughed and tried in vein to steer the conversation off of me but they wouldn't budge. I had no idea what their intentions were, nor did I care at this point. I wanted them all gone.

I have had enough of this ridiculous dinner and all the pretenses going on around me. I thought we were all friends. Fuck that, I once considered them my family. But, as they gushed about Edward new school, new friends and all the pretty girls after him with nothing but pride, I got up and left.

I never excused myself nor did I see them out that night or the rest of the week.

I never answered the phone when Alice demanded we speak. I let them leave the same way _he_ did, without any fight from me.

I completely separated myself from them. Every thing they did, said, or I saw while with them reminded me of_ him_. So when they left I felt an odd sense of peace.

Was I ready to move on from it all? No. But knowing _they_ were _all_ far away and couldn't hurt me anymore…helped.

My parents, from what I heard, excused me for my horrible displays and poor manners. They sided once again with_ them_ and everyone else.

We fought.

I would not budge.

They couldn't comprehend how Edward could do those horrendous things to me; it wasn't till Emmett mentioned his brother's new arm candy that my father saw the truth in my words.

My mother, the blind fool, held onto hope. Hope that we would be together, that we would marry and give her the grandbabies she has always dreamed of.

It's sad to say but I was definitely on my own. I tried after those first initial months to give them the benefit of the doubt, to try and mend my relationship with them both. But after that disgusting display I witnessed the week and a half _they_ were here, I gave up.

I went back to my escape, my isolation from them and the world outside. My room was the only place that brought me any comfort these days, so I hibernated for the remainder of that month.

And before I knew it my junior year was just a day away.

The morning of the first day, I woke up an extra two hours early; I was determined to start the year off on the right foot. I put a little extra effort into my look by wearing a short denim skirt with a cute layered tank from Aeropostale and some blue Chucks. My hair was left in loose curls down my back with my bangs straightened and swept over my left eye.

I was never one for makeup but I did put on some mascara and lip gloss to polish off my look a bit.

I grabbed a pop tart on my way out the door. I was one of those people that never liked them warm, so I didn't have to worry about wasting time, popping them in the toaster.

Jumping into my shiny black Volkswagon Beetle, I cranked on some Evanescence and headed to my version of hell for the next year.

Students were everywhere and parking was a bitch but I was lucky enough to find a spot near the entrance. I saw some of _his_ old friends right away. They looked unsure of what to say or do, so I made it easy… I kept on walking as if I didn't know them.

Everywhere I went people were staring and pointing. Guess I had my answer…they knew.

I was trying hard to not let my anger out on anyone, I swear I was, but when Jessica approached, me looking for gossip, I flipped.

I had never hit someone, never. But when she told me that I wasn't enough to hold a man like Edward and that it was a long time coming, I tucked my thumb in like my father had taught me and I let loose.

I could hear the crunch of her nose breaking and when the blood poured, I didn't feel queasy, sick or sorry. Nope, I felt vindicated.

She came here looking to tear me down and I put a huge stop to her.

Her friends screamed and tried to help her, the school security came to investigate what happened and I was taken to the office. But not without the applause of more than half the school, they saw what happened. I came to my own defense.

They had no choice but to call my dad, he came.

I explained for the tenth time.

I stood firm that she had come at me and I merely defended myself.

He accepted and told them it was self defense.

They had no choice but to believe, the whole school stood behind me.

Jessica learned a valuable lesson that day…don't fuck with someone nursing a broken heart.

After that day I spoke to a few people here and there, but when they asked about _him,_ I would clam up.

That was one conversation I was not willing to have with the likes of these people. They, like everyone else, never cared; they just wanted the juicy gossip I had about _him_ and _them_.

With the months passing at a rapid pace the commodity of gaining this juicy story wore out. People move on quickly if they don't have anything new to hold onto. So since all they knew was that he left, we broke up and I'm still here…they stopped.

That was fine with me.

My afternoons were filled with every extra club or activity I could join. I was wearing myself out, I knew this but refused to stop and dwell.

Monday's were chess club days.

Tuesday's were all about drama.

Wednesday was soccer practice with games on Saturdays.

Thursday's became yearbook and our school paper.

And Friday's well that was my favorite, I became a singer.

My only day where I had to stop and recoup was Sunday, the Lord's day. Not that I went to church or anything, I just stayed in and watched what my neighbors were up to.

Ms. Cope was still a perv from what I've seen, so no change there.

The creepy, dirty, cheating husband across the street washed his wife's car and mowed the lawn, so nothing interesting there.

And the little girl learning to ride her bike was now popping wheelies the last time I saw her, so proud of that one.

And me, I wrote.

Lyrics.

Poems.

Or maybe just a line here or there.

That was all I did on my Sundays.

Today's entry was short and simple, but from the heart.

_I'm so tired of being here__  
><em>_Suppressed by all my childish fears__  
><em>_And if you have to leave__  
><em>_I wish that you would just leave__  
><em>_Your presence still lingers here__  
><em>_And it won't leave me alone___

_These wounds won't seem to heal__  
><em>_This pain is just too real__  
><em>_There's just too much that time cannot erase___

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears__  
><em>_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears__  
><em>_And I held your hand through all of these years__  
><em>_But you still have__  
><em>_All of me_

**Well that was sad wasn't it? **

**But it will get better, I promise.**

**It won't be an easy road, but what is easy in life?**

**Please leave me your thoughts, I love hearing from every single one of you…See you in two weeks.**

***Muahhh* Massy**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello my lovelies I have a few things to say today before we continue...First off while I know that what edward has done is harsh I truly do feel that everyone deserves another chance...Will he get off without any repurcussions scot free?No! but he will be given the chanve to work for it...when we are young we make mistakes and plain ol fuck up, it's what we do with these mistakes and lessons that form us into what we will be in the future...Just please keep this in mind while reading.**

**There will be an HEA just trust me!**

**Not now but in the far future after the have both lived and learned.**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

**Chapter 5**

**Song for chapter**

**Alanis Morrisette- You Oughta Know**

**Evanescence – Going Under**

_Second year without his presence…_

My second year didn't differ much from the first. Except that anger became the dominating emotion, it took over my entire world and never let go.

I was mad at the world.

I was mad at my parents.

I was mad at _him_.

Actually mad seemed too nice of a word for what I was harboring towards him.

I guess you could say I was going through all my emotional stages but instead of feeling them, moving on and accepting the next, I held onto this one for dear life.

It became my life preserver.

I clung to my anger; it wrapped around me as a blanket would and held what was left of me together.

I didn't know any other way to survive, this just seemed like the most logical to me.

It was so much easier to hate him and everything he stood for, rather than to continue wasting away.

I slept and went to school; the only other thing I did was write to fill the time in the hours and minutes of the day.

The endless hours spent writing angry chic lyrics, poems and quotes helped. It was very theraputic for me. It helped me express and let out all the dark thoughts that had threatened to consume me.

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't always go the deep route or immersed myself in writing only inspirational and heartfelt thoughts. Oh no, I was still a simple little mousy girl at the end, and as such just writing a simple…

I HATE YOU EDWARD CULLEN.

Was just enough for me.

The end of my junior year was heaven sent. I no longer had to pretend. I didn't have to put on Oscar worthy performances and act as if my life was better now that they weren't around.

Everyone respected me, many wanted to be me and some loathed the fact that I wasn't bleeding and dying in their presence.

To those last few I say… FUCK YOU!

I learned that year that teenage girls are all bitches.

The bitter taste left after every act was becoming too much to bear. So when the last bell rung and I was free to go back to my angry bitter existence I cried.

Not because of him, even though he was a major part, just not the main.

No, I cried because I could finally have a little bit of peace, even if the taste of it was extremely small. It was enough for my sanity, well what _he_ left of it anyway.

The first month I went back to my main hobby of people watching.

Didn't learn much.

People around here didn't change their 'hobbies' or 'activities' much. The only new thing other than the neighbors three doors down, was the new lover Mrs. Banner had now.

He was extremely young and handsome, and from what I could see loved her and treated her sweetly. He was the type that opened doors, never let her carry a thing in the house and doted on her from the little I saw.

Very big difference to the ass she had as a husband.

I don't condone cheating but the bastard did it first and was still paying hoes to fuck him, once a week.

Yes, I kept an eye on that balding prick.

But other than that the only new thing on my block was my new neighbors. From what I heard, they were from Daytona and the father moved here to develop some new mall project that was to be executed within the next year.

They had a daughter that looked about my age and was my extreme total opposite.

I was extremely fair skinned.

She was a walking carrot.

I was a natural brunette.

She was a platinum blonde.

She looked to be a pink bubble gum loving pop princess.

I was a black wearing emo' rocker.

Like I said, total opposites.

But boy did she change my life and I thank the Lord for bringing her to me everyday.

I was out in the front yard washing my car when she approached me. She extended her hand out for me to shake and introduced herself as Lauren Thomas and I returned the shake and said, "I'm Isabella Swan but everyone calls me Bella."

I wasn't looking for any companionship but she refused to leave and struck a conversation with me. She was intelligent and was very much a closet nerd. We made friends over our mutual love of a vampire based movie that was all the buzz, at the moment.

We became inseparable.

That summer I learned to live again…thanks to her.

We spent our nights in her room just talking. Letting the other truly see what we were, there were no masks to hide behind, we let ourselves be free and open with the other.

We passed no judgments…just gave each other acceptance.

We were honest and I've never felt more accepted in my life.

I told her about _him_.

And she held my hand as I broke down. She never wanted more than what I could physically give. It felt good to have someone there on my side.

Someone who… I could lean on when everything became too much.

Someone who loved me…for me.

Someone that I could trust without fear or repercussions.

She gave me that and so much more.

To say she hated Edward Cullen would be an understatement. Hearing his name became her pet peeve, reason to explode and curse all men. A short time later I found out, that she too, was nursing a broken heart.

Her boyfriend of three years, Paul, cheated on her too. I could say that at least I was spared having to view it up close and personal…her not so much.

She found him fucking her old 'best friend' Rebecca in their school parking lot after cheer practice.

Did I say that best friends suck?

Neither of them ever apologized or had the decency to stop; no they left her in the dust and continued on their torrid affair/ new relationship.

I hope they gave each other crabs!

We both shared a mutual pain and distrust in people.

She truly became my sister that summer.

She taught me how to do a proper split and cartwheels without breaking my neck.

I taught her a few cords on my guitar.

She became an avid people watcher like me and I became engrossed in True Blood, thanks to her.

That summer was the best one I ever had.

Not because of the fact that I wasn't alone or that I didn't have to keep pretending all was right in my world; it was more than that.

It was the fact that we enjoyed what we did with our time together. Neither felt pressured to do as the other wished. We just hung out, ate a whole bunch of junk and had…fun.

I had forgotten what it was like to just laugh and play video games with a friend. I had forgotten what it was like to not have to be perfect all the time, to keep up appearances and let my hair loose.

She made me see the differences in my relationship, how used and blind I was to it all. I was made to fit _his_ mold of the perfect girlfriend.

I was so blinded by my love for him.

It pissed me off and made me sick.

Pissed because I had been such a fool in every sense of the word, I let him do this to me, never complaining or asking the whys.

And sick, because if he came back I would do it all over again, no questions asked.

I was pathetic.

It was hard for us not to become bitter, but we managed.

Our anthem that summer was Alanis Morrisette's- 'You Outta Know.'

We would blast it everywhere we were. People looked at us funny as we belted the lyrics, but we didn't care. It made us feel good to sing about the assholes that first stole and then later broke our hearts.

Our parents loved our new friendship. They never questioned where we went or what we did, they were just happy to see us both happy and being obnoxious teenage girls again.

Time seemed to fly over that summer where I rediscovered myself.

Next thing we both knew it was the first day of school and as excited as she was, I was equally dreading it.

She slept over the night before and we talked. I told her what to expect, and to not be alarmed by my change in attitude the minute I walked through those gates.

She understood and promised to as always stick by my side. In her words she would "beat any ass that messed with her girl."

Have I told you how much I love her?

We woke up early and spent a ridiculous amount of time getting ready. I didn't want to dress up for those imbeciles we went to school with, but agreed with her not to give them any satisfaction of seeing me down. I had a role to play damn it and play it well I would.

She wore a pair of skinny jeans and a new vest top in hot pink with a matching pair of hot pink chucks, while I wore a cute summer dress in green with a pair of gold strappy sandals.

She straightened her hair within an inch of its life, while mine was left curly only straightening my bangs. We settled on lip gloss and mascara to polish our looks, grabbed our bags and hit the road.

As always pop tarts were our morning nutrition and as we blasted some 'Jagged Little Pill' through my speakers, while we raced through town, towards our last year in hell.

Everyone was curious about the new chick arriving with Bella Swan. People stared, pointed, whispered and made moves to approach, but we shut them down quick.

They were vultures.

"You weren't kidding when you said they would descend like wolves after their prey," she stated as Mike Newton made his slimy way over to us.

I just shook my head and straightened my back, ready for the onslaught of pathetic pick up lines he would use.

"Good morning, my love," he started and looked us both up and down with nothing but lust shining in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes back at him, as did Lauren and just laughed at his stupidity.

"I'm sorry how rude of me not to introduce my self, I'm Mike Newton. I'm sure you have already heard of me, being friends with Bella." He stared at her chest and salivated while she was ready to smack him. It was actually quite entertaining to watch.

"Now, before you go on and tell me the name of the woman who has stolen my heart, I have a question for you." Oh God here it comes, this is going to be priceless. The fool actually thinks he's smooth. This bullshit he's spewing is about to earn him an ass whooping from her and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

Like I said, priceless.

She stood there, stoically, and waited. I knew she was about to pop but her curiosity got the best of her, so she waited. But I'm not so sure she was prepared for what he unleashed…

"Are your feet tired baby?" He asked as he got closer to her. She looked back at me for help, but I was already gasping for breath, laughing my ass off. "Because you've been running through my mind all day long," he finished and gave her his version of a sexy smile and I completely lost it.

She looked both scared and stunned.

Now I know that line doesn't make any sense being that he just met her but, that's Mike for ya.

I felt so bad for her that I stepped in and pushed him off. It was not an easy task, especially when you're bent over at the waist gasping for air… but I managed.

She wasn't as amused as I was.

Poor thing, but she is definitely an official member of Naples High now…

**Finally, a little bit of light in this incredibly dark tunnel. Don't get me wrong she has a long way to go, but with the help of a few special someone's she will get there…**

**As always Thank You to all the readers for you're incredible support…I love you all!**

**See ya in two weeks…**


	7. Chapter 7

**I want to start of my thanking Mid-Night Cougar, for the wonderful spotlight she made for this story, in this weeks RobAttack's blog...She inspired me to get back on this horse and start writing new chapter's asap. I usually like to keep quite a few in the bank, but with all my focus on my other story…I have neglected this one a bit... But I promise to you all, this story will be my priority for the next 3 weeks...**

**Now this chapter will be the last of all the heavy angst for a while. Trust me when I say, writing this chapter towards the end became difficult and heavy on my heart. I needed to throw in this last hurtful moment to seal Edwards's future fate with her and how it will all play out.**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

**Chapter 6**

_Cont. of second year…Senior Year_

The day went on in much of the same manner. She was hit on by the jocks; I was being followed by the emo' rockers. Like I said before High School was full of fun times.

Note the sarcasm.

We dodged and laughed at their stupidity.

But we both knew that our minds and hearts were elsewhere. We missed those bastards something fierce and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.

Months passed and so with it came all the clubs and extra activities I would join; only this time I added a new one…much to my dismay.

Lauren took over our school's cheer squad completely. There was not a single girl that could do what she did and it was such a pleasure to watch them all glare and huff as leaders were called and positions given.

Thanks to all the extra time we put in practicing and making up new routines, I made co-captain and blew away all the other bitches vying for authority.

Among those was Angela 'sluttastic' Webber. It felt so good to make her eat my dust. My splits were perfect, my kicks higher and my body was leaner than hers.

Just between you and me, she had gained a few pounds during the summer.

It felt good to make them see I wasn't just _his_ girl anymore. No, I was Isabella Marie Swan and I didn't need him, well at least to their knowledge.

The only person that knew what was hidden deep inside of me was Lauren.

She was my sister through and through.

With my new status came a lot of outings and events with my fellow peers.

We had basketball, football and soccer to cheer for. Our season was amazing. We took both state championships in basketball and football. We were unstoppable and I had never had so much fun in my life.

It felt good to forget during those hours.

I was someone else.

I mattered.

I was appreciated and felt wanted.

It was more than he had given me while we were together.

I had never realized how one sided everything had been. I watched all around me constantly, seeing people in love, couples just being and accepting the other for who they were.

I wanted that but couldn't see myself with anyone else but him.

How do you let the love of your life go?

I wish I had that answer because I need to let him go, I want to be happy, I need it.

Every time I'm asked out or invited to a dance, I cringe.

Why?

Because it felt like cheating to me, I was still hoping and expecting his return.

Could I go out and have fun? Yes.

Do I want to with anyone else? No.

We kept busy all year and when graduation came, everything crashed down around me.

I had prided myself in getting through the day without crying or breaking. It had been months since my last episode, but mention graduation and all those demons resurfaced.

How was I supposed to sit in there and listen to the man that helped destroy me give another one?

I couldn't bear it.

I had spoken to my mother and told her all this, hoping, pleading, for her understanding… but received neither.

She claimed I was exaggerating and should be over my break up to _him_ already. Of course she would say that. I'm sure in her little head we were still going to get married and give her grandbabies someday.

I had no support there and I wasn't ready to reach out to Charlie just yet.

I was afraid of his anger for the way I lashed out.

Afraid that he too had given up on me, it was better to be left in doubt at this point than know for sure.

Prom came and went and I didn't attend.

Why would I?

The man I wanted, needed and longed for was gone.

Lauren decided to cancel her date the night before the big show. Paul had called her and invited her to his wedding with Rebecca. It seemed the 'ho' had gotten pregnant and both sets of parents demanded they be wed.

My sister was a disaster.

The news broke her heart all over again. She was in no state to go to prom…so she called and canceled.

James, her date, understood. He too had gotten out of a relationship earlier on in the year and was still trying to get over Victoria. They were only going as friends and with this new development he also had a small rehash of when and how he lost her.

Their tragic ending broke all our hearts.

She passed away after a head on collision with a drunk driver. We mourned her with him after the fact. In him we found someone that could understand and in turn we gave him support and an honest friendship.

That night the three of us stayed in and ate a lot of junk. We drowned our mutual sorrow in empty calories and bitched about the idiots that even with their absence couldn't stop hurting us. And he, well he mourned her all over again.

There were tears and hugs and laughter as we remembered her fun loving spirit.

The next couple of weeks seemed to pass in a blur.

We had received our acceptance letters to the University of Central Florida and were moving to Orlando.

James was moving away to UCLA and starting a new chapter in his life. Hopefully he would move on and let go and learn to live again.

The week before graduation we packed all our things and took a road trip down to see the campus at UCF.

We had decided to share an apartment close to campus and had chosen to live in an area called Waterford Lakes.

The area was nice and the school was close. Everything seemed to settle into place perfectly.

It took us some time within the last few days to get all our shopping done and everything situated for moving day. The prior two weekends were spent traveling to our new home and learning the area.

A lot of students lived in the area so we felt comfortable and the added security in the complex was an added bonus.

We had a neighbor named Peter who seemed pretty nice and made us feel quite at home. In the short amount of time we had to mingle and scope out the joint, we became friends with him.

He lived by himself and was studying music. He was a bit of a nerd and could quote every word from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures like no other.

We liked him and couldn't wait to move in permanently.

Finally graduation came and I refused to show.

I knew I would receive my diploma through the mail so why put myself through all that added stress and memories that had no place in my life, not now, not ever for that matter.

I needed to get away from, not run into, my pain.

Lauren went to graduation. She said, "It sucked," her words not mine.

According to her, no epic speeches were made nor were there any monumental moments she would carry for the rest of her life.

The only thing that stood out, and believe me I wasn't prepared to hear this part, was that _he _had returned.

It seems he was asked to address the class and give a speech to, "motivate them and make them dream," just as he had received.

She said it lacked enthusiasm and made her want to hurl her shoe at him.

Have I mentioned that I loved this woman?

She did claim that he spent an awful lot of time searching the crowds looking for something. I perked up at this and had a small moment of glee; I hoped it was me he searched for. But then I came back down to earth and every hope I had was dashed.

Was he here to finish me off?

I couldn't trust that his return meant anything positive for me otherwise wouldn't he have contacted me?

That night I went back home instead of staying with Lauren, where I should have. I should have been with my best friend, having a good time.

Instead I walked back to find a bouquet of black roses in my room with a message that read…

_Seems congratulations are in order but since your achievements aren't anything grand all I will say is…_

_Good luck and good riddance_

_Much Love,_

_Edward Cullen _

His words once again sliced through me as if they were a scalding hot sword. I cried and cried 'till I had nothing left and when I thought I had finally stopped…I cried some more.

I sent a text out to Lauren in between my sobs to tell her as best as I could what he had done.

She barged in, picked me up and helped me calm down. We both knew that we had to leave. With both of us hurting and nursing our fragile hearts we were in desperate need to start a new chapter in our lives. So when I was calm enough I picked up my bags and left this miserable town behind.

We simply left a note to our parents to say that we needed to leave. That we would be back to gather the rest of our belongings and that we loved them dearly, we just simply had to go.

We stuffed my trunks with our bags and left town, squealing tires and running away as if the devil himself was right behind us.

I guess you could say in my reality, Edward is the devil.

***hides behind wall* I warned you all on top that this would be harsh…didn't I? To me this chapter was her turn around in a lot of ways and we will have new characters coming in to leave their mark on her life.**

**Now on a side note…I need to apologize for the total failure at reviews replies I've been. It's not that I'm doing this on purpose, but I've been extremely sick this last month. I seem to get out of one cold/flu to end up with a throat infection ect ect…I read and appreciate every single one of your reviews and the love and protectiveness you have over Bella. It lets me know I must be doing something right, if you all cry and scream as much as I do, while writing it. So THANK YOU, sincerely from the bottom of my heart.**

**See you in two weeks….**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Fanfiction and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get you're extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other story.**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

**Chapter 7**

**Song for chapter**

**Jason Walker – Down**

_Three years gone by…_

_I don't know where I'm at__  
><em>_I'm standing at the back__  
><em>_And I'm__tired__of waiting__  
><em>_Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing._

_I shot for the sky__  
><em>_I'm stuck on the ground__  
><em>_So why do I try, I know I'm going to fall down__  
><em>_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?__  
><em>_Never know why it's coming down, down, down._

The night we arrived in Orlando I was a total mess. My heart was lodged in my throat without any chance of returning to its rightful place.

Why oh why did he have to come back?

Wasn't the damage done on his last goodbye enough?

Before the severity of his words did their damage, I had hope in me once again. Lauren had claimed that he was searching through the crowds. To her, he seemed almost desperate and filled with hope to see something...someone.

And I prayed to the almighty upstairs that he was searching for me.

Once again I was fooled into believing he had found the error of his ways.

But just like the last couple of years have taught me…I am a fool.

Here I, yet again thought salvation had finally come. I felt as if I was a starving man lost at sea, waiting, searching, for that plane to take me home. Back to where everything in my life was right and he was by my side.

The only difference between then and now is that he was, is, and will always be my home.

Just as I am sure he will never return to me.

It was extremely late when we walked through the door to our new apartment. Lauren was exhausted and I was literally drained, but neither of us felt as if sleep was the answer. We had so much anger, frustration and hurt inside.

Before we left, I had raided my father's liquor cabinet and brought a bottle of Vodka with me. I had a feeling drinking and toasting to our misery would be needed.

Some would say this was wrong, we're underage, and that it's irresponsible of us.

To those that would dare judge me, I say a big ol' fuck you!

You're not the ones living with the black hole in your chest, preventing you from breathing, laughing…living.

Opening a bag of plastic cups we picked up along the way, we settled on the floor, and toasted to our misery. We toasted to the memories that haunt, the feelings that won't let go, and the years lost, never to be seen again.

I would be lying if I said it was a pretty sight…us laughing, crying, and screaming. But it was what we needed. Call it our own special type of therapy.

The hours passed as we lost ourselves in that bottle, soon the dark sky turned bright and our liquid refuge was gone.

Calling it a night, we both settled on the air mattress in the living room that we had set up during our weekend trips.

We both laid there completely quiet as tears ran down our cheeks. We had made a pact earlier on to have this one last night in mourning; one more moment to remember. Because come morning they would no longer matter anymore.

We were moving forward and finally letting go.

The betrayals and lack of sympathy we received from these men ate away at our souls. I expressed myself through my writing and singing, but Lauren, she held it in for my benefit most of the time.

This time though, she let go.

To say she was furious over his last torture…would be putting it mildly.

She ranted and raved.

And I understood.

She has watched me struggle to get a semblance of my life back, to let her in and begin to live again. But here he shows up and with a couple of words he brings back all those memories.

Memories that reminded me of what we had and what I had lost.

Moments filled with laughter and sweet caresses as we walked along the beach. We would talk about our future and what changes to expect as he went off to medical school. We vowed to stick together no matter what life tossed our way, to never let the distance between us change our relationship.

But most importantly, we enjoyed the love that poured from our hearts and souls as they meshed and became one.

But now those memories are tainted with reminders of his harsh words and the nightmares that plague me both awake and while asleep.

I can still see and recall every thought and feeling that coursed through my veins that day, behind my house, in those woods.

I knew she was dealing with her own pain by focusing on mine and neglecting hers. That was her way of coping. Was it wrong of me to let her? Maybe, but who was I to make her face hers, when I wanted to find a way to bury mine.

"It'll get better, Bella," she said, bringing me back to the present. "You're so much stronger now, we will get through this. I can't believe the nerve of that prick, on your graduation! What the fuck was he thinking?" I could feel the hate emanating from her pores as it surrounded the small space.

She was never one for mincing words. She had so much anger towards him and even as she spoke of Edward, I couldn't help but feel that her words were also directed at her own tormentor.

"Fuck him, Bella! You deserve the world, a good man, and a happy life. I'll be damned if I let him take that away from _us_, not now, not ever." I heard her own slip, but kept quiet. It was her moment to release that anguish. Her tears flowed like a raging river, harsh and with complete and wild abandon.

That speech was just as much for her as it was for me.

"We have each other and we will get through this together." She hugged me as our souls poured from our eyes.

We both loved with everything we had, and more. Both had been betrayed and broken by those we gave everything to.

And now, united we will stand to mend the damage done.

Looking at the woman that had become my sister, I found my strength. Her words helped me see that light at the end of the tunnel. I just hoped that with my friendship she could receive the solace she needed too.

I gave her a watery smile and whispered a small "thanks" with a promise that "tomorrow would indeed be a new day."

The time had come for us to let them go, even if it tore us in half and crucified what was left of our hearts…it had to be done.

And so that's what we did.

We lay down on that air mattress for hours, without moving a single muscle. The light morning sky soon became the sweltering heat of a Florida afternoon. We never attempted to close our eyes and sleep nor did we hide our sobs and curses towards the heavens.

I yelled at God and demanded to know why…_why_?

It was sometime later in the afternoon when our basic human needs won out. We rose from our mourning state to enter the world of the living.

Our parents had been calling us constantly and we had to let them know at some point that we were okay.

Lauren knew I had no desire to speak to either of mine, so she took it upon herself to let both sets know we were alive.

My mother demanded that I answer my phone and tell her what my sudden departure was all about. According to her, _Edward_ was back and wanted to speak to me.

She didn't understand. According to her, if all I wanted was _him_ to come back, why would I leave just as _he_ returned?

Lauren, God bless her soul, made up excuse after excuse and said I couldn't talk. I wasn't ready to deal with her or any of the ramifications of what occurred last night.

Once all calls were made and we both promised to not shed another tear over both those losers, we took a shower and ordered a pizza.

It was just after seven when there was a knock on our door. We were starving and incredibly happy with how prompt our food had arrived, so without looking through our peep hole, we rushed and opened the door.

But what met us on the other side instead of food, was our cute semi dorky neighbor, Peter.

He said he had noticed my car downstairs and wanted to check on us. He didn't know the reasons why we were here; to him we probably decided to move in earlier than we had told him. But with one look at our faces, he left.

We were shocked by his actions and closed the door. We had walked back into our kitchen, looking around and making plans on the things we would need. We had just decided on the color scheme we wanted when there was another knock.

We had no words as there stood Peter with a bottle of Cuervo' on the other side of the threshold and what looked like our pizzas. Opening the door, he rushed in and smiled, offering with that simple gesture…a new friend.

He knew we weren't of age to drink and as such only offered us coke; we shared a look and pointed over to our empty bottle on the floor. His eyes bugged, but he understood that it was needed, without us saying a single word.

He claimed he had a feeling that our stories would drive him to drink and he would be absolutely right.

We all took a seat on the floor and ate our food in silence; surprisingly it wasn't an uncomfortable silence.

No one spoke a word for ten minutes; no one knew what to say or where to start.

But, bless his loving soul, he waited patiently until Lauren broke first and spilled her guts out. I have been friends with this woman for over a year and had yet to have seen or heard her say more than what was needed in the past.

Like me, she is afraid. But this man has brought all our walls down and made us feel safe.

Not because of an attraction or touch, no, this is based purely on the easy going friendship he gave us…in our time of need.

I watched his face turn various shades of red and purple as she laid out her pain and soul before his eyes.

His fists clenched several times as he swallowed the bitter pill she was serving. Once done with her story he looked over at me and nodded, waiting for me to start before he spoke.

I have no idea how long I sat there and stared off into space, looking, searching for those right words to explain and let him see the real me.

Sensing my blockage, Lauren grabbed my hand and gave it a firm squeeze, causing me to turn and look her way. I had missed how the food and plates were now being picked up by Peter. He was giving me the time I needed to get myself in the right state of mind; he truly was a special man.

"Bells, you need to let go and open up," she whispered so only I heard. "I don't know why he cares B, but he does. I promise, no matter what, I'm here beside you. We promised each other that we would try and open up, try new things, and let others in. This is our chance Bella, please take it with me?"

Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks and I knew she was right; she had broken down all the barriers that had once tried to push her away. But she was persistent, never giving up, when I pushed back and look at where that led us.

I have a sister and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Maybe, just maybe, he could be part of our little family.

Peter came back with three small bowls of ice cream and some tissues to dry our tears. That small gesture broke my final reservation towards him and his intentions.

I was so nervous, I had yet to tell anyone but Lauren the complete story of what happened to me that day. I prayed he too would understand and not judge me based on other's opinions of my worth.

So with my hands trembling and my voice cracking, I spoke. I spoke of how we met as children and all the crazy things we did as kids with his siblings. I told of how we grew closer as the years passed. How I fell in complete head over heels love with him at the tender age of twelve.

How he was my first everything, just as I was his.

The air was filled with my voice recalling days, weeks, months and the years we spent exploring our love.

To then tell how he pulled the rug from under my feet and broke me in two. Telling him of that day wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.

Sure I cried, but it felt therapeutic to let all that out.

Lauren, as always, cried and held my hand as I bared my soul, but to see the tears rolling down Peter's cheeks floored me.

His fists clenched and unclenched as he tried to calm himself. You could see the fury coming off of him in waves as he heard of how I was treated by the man I loved, and how alone I felt after he left. But when I told him of his families visit and Alice's total disregard for me, he had enough.

He rose off of that floor at lightning speed and fell to his knees in front of me and Lauren. He reached for us and held us in a tight bone crushing hug and said…

"Those men, if I could even call those douches that, aren't worth a single tear coming from either of you." He kissed both our cheeks and held us tighter as he whispered, "I will be here for the both of you, you two are my family and I'll be damned if I let another loser hurt you again. You girls deserve to be treated as the sweet, beautiful and intelligent women I have before me and I know you are." He took a deep breath as he choked down his own emotion.

I have never seen a grown man cry before, but his understanding and complete acceptance made him my brother that day.

"I promise you with all that I am, that no man will never, ever dare to hurt you two again. I will tear them limb from limb first. I will protect you, this I vow to you both." We all wiped our faces and smiled. This was just the beginning; we needed to move forward…to live again.

*******hides behind wall* I warned you all on top that this would be harsh…didn't I? To me this chapter was her turn around in a lot of ways and we will have new characters coming in to leave their mark on her life.**

**Okay I would like to take this moment and wish you all a safe and HAPPY THANKSGIVING! This has been an incredible year and we all have so much to be thankful for… love you all and see you in two weeks.**


	9. Chapter 9

**This week I need to send a very special thanks to Ally Vera for her beautiful rec for…It Isn't Over Yet on RobAttack. You truly made my day with your sweet words and pushed me to get my butt in gear and write a few chapters last week. Thank You for supporting this story and giving my characters your love and trust…so sweet girl this chapter goes to you!**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Fanfiction and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get you're extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other story.**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving**

**Chapter 8**

**Song for chapter**

**Taylor Swift- You're Not Sorry**

_**All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around.**__**  
><strong>__**I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.**__**  
><strong>__**And it's taken me this long baby but I figured you out.**__**  
><strong>__**And you think it will be fine again but not this time around.**___

___**You don't have to call anymore**__**  
><strong>__**I won't pick up the phone**__**  
><strong>__**This is the last straw**__**  
><strong>__**Don't wanna hurt anymore**__**  
><strong>__**And you tell me that you're sorry**__**  
><strong>__**But I don't believe you baby**__**  
><strong>__**Like I did before**__**  
><strong>__**You're not sorry, ohh no no no**___

___**Looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know.**__**  
><strong>__**Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold.**__**  
><strong>__**And you've got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know.**__**  
><strong>__**And now you're asking me to listen cause it's worked each time before.**_

_Part two of third year…_

That night after all of the soul bearing discussions, Peter offered us his spare bedroom. We took him up on his offer; our bodies too exhausted and in desperate need of a good night's sleep.

That and the thought of sleeping on that uncomfortable air mattress...sucked.

Taking with us our pajamas and a change of clothes for tomorrow with us, we locked up and followed him next door.

Lauren and Peter automatically went to change, making plans to meet back in ten and watch a movie.

I could have joined them, but decided against playing the third wheel. They might have been too blind to see the connection that flowed between them, but I wasn't.

He was very in-tuned with her.

If she moved, his body followed. When she broke down in our apartment earlier and cried, I watched his face show the pain she reflected. Watching his heart break as he looked at her with nothing but affection was quite sweet to watch.

Lauren was nowhere near ready to move forward or acknowledge this or her feelings in a romantic aspect, but I had faith that Peter would wait.

And to be honest if anyone deserved a second chance at love…it would be her.

They were both wearing smiles as they came back into the apartment's common area.

Giving them each a hug and then a kiss on the cheek to Lauren, I left.

The guest room was decorated in neutral colors with small splashes of blue here and there. Sitting in the center of the room was a giant sleigh bed, with cream, brown and royal blue linens. On each side there was a side table with a lamp and candles.

On the wall opposite of the bed there was a flat screen TV mounted on the wall. The room while not overly huge, felt comfortable and had a homey feel.

The bathroom was attached and followed the same color scheme as the main room. Quickly changing into a pair of Edward's basketball shorts and a tank, I crawled into bed and let my mind wander.

Some might call me foolish for using his clothing after everything that happened. Especially after that last gift, but these shorts were part of a happy memory.

_He had just come back from playing with Emmett and his boys. He was sweaty and looking absolutely delicious, more than anyone should be in his current state._

_We were talking to Jackson and Chris, two boys from school, when he came to a stop and watched. His eyes bore into the side of my face, demanding to be acknowledged. _

_My attention was brought back to the two cuties standing before me by the swift elbow Alice delivered to my ribs._

_They wanted to take us to a Valentine's Day dance at school and were at the moment awaiting our decisions._

_Chris was busy playing with the ends of my pony tail and telling me how beautiful I was, while a blush exploded on my cheeks. _

_He was slowly leaning in and I was so nervous thinking...finally my first kiss._

_When I was suddenly pulled back against a sweaty chest and a velvety voice growled out "What the fuck are you doing touching my girl, asshole?" Chris stared at my shocked face and smirked at Edward. "Doesn't look like she's your girl, judging by the look of confusion on her face," he gloated._

_"Is that so..." Edward trailed off. _

_His fingers turned my face towards his and stared deeply into my eyes. He must have liked what he saw because without any warning, he crashed his lips to mine._

_I kissed him back, relishing in the feelings of euphoria traveling throughout my body._

_The kiss lasted a few minutes and signed my fate._

_I would always belong to this man. _

_That one sweet kiss ruined me for all others._

_His lips traveled from my lips to my ear, never desisting from the torturous touches he insisted on laving upon my skin. _

_If you were to ask me when Jackson or Chris left, I would be lying if I said I knew._

_If you asked me when Alice left or what she did after she left, again I would be lying if I answered._

_But if you asked me how my knees trembled and my hands shook as he whispered in my ear, "I want you Bella, only you" as he nipped my skin, only to soothe the sting by chastely kissing my neck, then it would be all truth when I told you that I had officially been dazzled. Especially when he added, "I have wanted to ask you out and make you mine for so, so long. I need you B, will you be my girl?"_

_Now that I could describe to you detail by detail with perfect recollection._

That's why these shorts are so important to me.

I never told him about taking them, though I suspect he knew. Like I've said before, he loved me in his clothes...at least I thought he did.

That was definitely a surprise to me, after so many years of pushing his shirts on me, especially the one jersey that had the name Cullen on the back, the one that blatantly displayed his so called 'ownership' on me.

So you see, while the last memories we shared are not the most pleasant, these shorts remind me of the good times. Helping me forget the negative and let go of the hate for what he became.

I don't quite remember when I fell asleep or when Lauren came to bed, but I do remember her whispering, "I have a good feeling about this move B. I feel like everything is about to change and while I'm scared, I'm so ready for it." I turned to face her and in my own half asleep voice answered her with a simple, "Me too Laurie, me too."

The following days were met with a flurry of activity. We were rarely at home during the day, being as we were in desperate need to finish stocking our new home with necessities.

I was looking for the needed, while Lauren was all about the must _haves_.

Now mind you, what we _need_ and what we must _have_ are two different things.

To Lauren, must haves take over needs any day. It's almost like watching a feeding frenzy occur before your eyes as she transforms into a crazed shopaholic. Her instincts run amok and she becomes possessed to purchase everything under the sun.

Our kitchen was decked out with every pot, pan, spoon, blender and colander known to man. Luckily we both agreed on our kitchen being different shades of blues and greens, so that argument was avoided.

No one wants to stand in the middle of Macy's with this woman and argue over what looks best…trust me!

Plates, cups, and dining furniture were left out of our purchases; seeing as Laurie's mom had taken care of everything.

My mother and father took care of our living room furniture. They chose a plush, dark tan, three-piece sectional with a chaise lounge to take over our space and turn our empty nest into a stylish, yet comfortable, home.

The furniture had been delivered from Ashley's Furniture over the weekend, finally giving us a much needed place to park our behinds after a long day of shopping.

It was mid-week when both sets of parents arrived with U-Haul trucks containing our bedroom furniture. Peter had been around a lot lately, more than usual. While he was definitely looking and finding every excuse known to man to be near Lauren, he still found ways to talk to me and make me feel important.

In a very nonsexual kind of way, of course.

We spoke in depth over the falling out I had _had_ with every part of my past. How Edward's betrayal rocked my foundation and left me lost in a sea of pain. He helped me understand that even though my parents weren't the most tactile and supportive they could have been after the 'clusterfuck' my relationship became, they still loved me.

We dissected every thought and feeling I held towards my father and the impact his vacancy had in my life. Plain and simple...I came to realize how much I missed my daddy.

I wanted him back in my life, but my pride kept me from begging for the forgiveness I needed. Were they wrong in their actions? Yes, but deep down I'll admit, so was I.

Watching my father and Lauren's interact with Peter was very amusing to say the least. At first they read him the riot act and sized him up, but after spending a full hour in that boy's presence they developed a special 'bromance'.

Talks of sports and statistics ruled my living room as they set up the new and semi-flashy entertainment system.

My mother watched as we laughed at the men, cursing and rough housing and insulting the other's team. It was nice to have him here, buffering and hiding the huge elephant in the room.

Once everything was in its place and the trucks were driven back, mom slowly approached me.

I could tell that she had been searching for the right moment all afternoon, but hadn't wanted to pounce. I appreciated this more than anything, as I wasn't ready to face her or her inquisition. Surprisingly enough the inquisition I expected, never came.

Instead I was met with soft hazel eyes pleading for forgiveness.

"Isabella I..." her voice cracked and my resolve to stay at arms length crumbled. Reaching for my mother's warmth, I hugged her to me. She sobbed against my head as she apologized for ever doubting me.

For ever believing that 'no good sack of shit' over me.

And for demeaning my pain, when in fact she should have become my protector.

I forgave her with no second thought. How could I not?

It was hours later when everyone left for the night, that I sat in my newly furnished room and contemplated everything.

The new relationship I had forged with my mother.

The huge move Lauren and I made.

How I desperately wanted my father back.

And how I knew just the person to help me get that part of my life back.

Picking up the phone, I dialed the number that had become my life line in the last weeks. His happy, cheerful voice greeted me with warmth and said, "Are you ready B?"

He knew what I needed without me saying anything. He had watched me struggle all afternoon with my emotions, wanting, no, needing to get my life back.

Sighing into the phone I whispered out a small 'yes' and made plans to go back home before school started.

Plans to find the 'me' I lost so long ago.

**See we have progress here people…Her life is starting to take shape and my girl is determined to move forward!**

**For everyone reading Until I Saw You and even those that aren't, I posted a special outtake last week that I had donated to Fandom4LLs. It's Our Sweet Edward and Bella's first meeting as kids and definitely worth taking a look. **

**Okay my loves see you in two weeks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**PLEASE READ: Okay I'm letting everyone know now that a box of Kleenex will be needed in this chapter. This chapter for me is the saddest, yet most beautiful chapter I have written to date…Some might not agree, but I poured my heart and soul into this and I apologize ahead of time if this brings you to tears, but this was needed for our girl to move forward and gain her footing towards rebuilding her life.**

**I'm incredibly sorry for sucking at review replies….RL has been so hectic and instead of replying I focus what time I do have in making sure you guys have another chapter ready for your enjoyment! Thank you all for your patience and trust on this journey…love you all!**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Fanfiction and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get you're extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other story.**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving**

**Chapter 9**

**The Fray- How To Save A Life**

Days, weeks, even months passed before I ever set foot in that town again. My determination was there, lying dormant beneath the surface. But my fear kept me in place, as my essence became dominated by that one emotion.

Fear of my father's reaction.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of facing everything I had left behind.

Lauren and Peter begged, bribed and fought with me constantly. They pushed and pulled in any direction that could possibly make me give in.

"B, he'll understand," Peter claimed one day as Lauren stood by his side. Her reassuring smile helped calm the awkwardness that suddenly filled the room. She tried to be supportive to me while still offering Peter her support. If it weren't for the seriousness of the matter, I surely would have laughed at the display before me.

Their worried stares and constant concern was nice, but always delivered with a 'suggestion' of tough love…

"He loves you baby girl," he kept on repeating as if that mantra would be enough. "All he wants is his daughter back Bella…he misses you. He needs to know you're okay and happy. Why do you keep pushing him away?" His question caught me off guard, but ultimately he was right.

I did forgive my mother without any hesitation on my part.

Heck, we have weekly conversations, with plans to get together soon.

I knew Peter's words were a bit direct, but filled with truth. I guess it all came down to my doubt in my dad's love after everything that happened.

And the fear of never having him back in my life.

It wasn't until late November when my dear friends sneakily tricked me into going on a holiday trip.

They had invited me to Peter's family's house and I gullibly agreed. Never once did I question where we were going or how long before we arrived.

I let the two unofficial lovebirds talk and joke, while my lazy butt slept the entire way.

It wasn't until I awoke with a stiff neck and a need to pee that I observed my surroundings. The words "are we there yet" had just left my lips when my whole world crashed down.

The Welcome to Naples sign shone brightly in the mid-afternoon sky, finally cluing me into their treachery.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me!_ My inner thoughts screamed.

Did they have the best of intentions? Yes.

Was I incredibly pissed? Yes.

But I also knew that without this deceit...I would have never come.

My mind and emotions were completely scrambled at this point. Enough so, that I never realized the car had stopped.

Sitting in my parent's driveway brought forth memories, _memories_ I had suppressed during the last few months. My body jerked as it fought off my impending crash into the reality I was determined to forget. My limbs wanted to turn in on themselves and wallow in that dark cloud that I had fought so hard to contain.

Flashes of his smiling face filtered my mind, causing my breath to shallow. His gorgeous greens staring back at me and shining with a love so pure and deep. A love so true, but one I will never know of again.

I wanted to drown in those jade pools. But before I could get lost in them, they suddenly morphed into his antagonizing sneer.

I could hear him in my ear, hurling insults my way and laughing his ass of as my heart crumbled before his presence.

Lauren noticed my distress.

My body seized and choked as I desperately tried to breathe. My chest hurt and my mind was a blur of painful memories. I fought against the restraint holding me in place, believing that my seat belt was the culprit and wouldn't let me out of my misery.

A strange painful cry filled the car; hurting me and making me cringe all at once. It wasn't until Lauren's voice whispered and pleaded with me to calm down, that I realized that the strangled cry was mine.

I can't tell you how she got to me or how I ended up in her arms as she tried to get me to breathe.

I can't tell you what Peter did as I panicked and almost blacked out.

I'm guessing that he ran off in search for help, because that's the only thing that makes sense.

But I'm glad he did.

I'm sure that they were all afraid and in desperate need to calm me down. But that never happened until my father came and wrapped me in his arms. His gentle soothing tone calmed me at once.

He stayed by my side and coached my lungs to follow his, inhaling and exhaling when he did. His whispered apologies brought tears to my eyes and took a huge weight off my shoulders.

He didn't hate me.

He wouldn't reject me.

My body finally came back too and I finally looked into his worried tired eyes. Tears poured from me as his mustache twitched and his eyes crinkled with happiness.

"I'm so sorry daddy, I…" his index finger tapped my nose as he shushed me. "Baby girl, I love you…I'm so sorry that I wasn't what you needed back then. I should have protected you, as I had vowed to." I wanted to object and tell him it wasn't his entire fault.

I should have spoken up and confided in him when all the changes started. I should have talked to him, instead of pushing him away. I opened my mouth to voice just this when he spoke again.

"I've lost years with you over that _boy_," he sneered, "I don't want to waste another minute wallowing or pointing fingers. What matters is that you're here and we can finally be a family again, Bells." Tears ran down his cheek and onto mine as he hugged me. But when he took my face in his hands and 'promised to protect me with his life and never let anyone hurt his little girl again' I lost it and sobbed into his shirt.

Finally I had my daddy back and I was his little girl.

**Lauren's Pov**

Days.

Weeks.

Months.

That's how long we fought, pleaded, bargained and finally tricked Bella into going home.

It wasn't that we wanted to betray her trust, but watching her suffer day in and day out was not our idea of fun. She was in a continuous state of denial. The struggle that took over her daily was sad to watch, she was forcing herself to live as if nothing had happened.

Her desire to bury this hurdle under the rug was slowly eating her alive. I didn't want to sit back and watch her lose herself yet again.

The despair and pain she carries over missing Charlie broke my heart right along with hers. I know she's scared of his rejection, but her dad loves her above all else.

I know this because we talk on a daily basis.

It was a few days after she made amends with Renee that he called me for the first time, asking and begging for me to plead his case and get her to talk to him. I refused to get involved at that point, only suggesting he give her time.

Time was something we all take for granted and lose at a rapid pace.

The change in her demeanor happened quickly following her parents departure after the move. She suddenly became the queen of avoidance, refusing to move forward with any of the plans which she herself had set in place. She became irritable and mad at any mention of the obvious pink elephant that followed her around.

Within weeks she quickly secured a job at a 7-11 as a sales associate, using their crazy work hours as an excuse to avoid the necessary.

At first we agreed that she needed to do this her way. But as the days rolled on, turning to weeks and with the semester rapidly approaching, we began to look for alternative methods to remedy this.

Don't get me wrong, I was deathly afraid of her anger or mistrust pointed my way, but I couldn't stand there and do nothing.

I understood her better than most. I was by her side during some incredibly painful moments; in fact I shared her pain because it was also mine.

I was momma bear when needed.

I was her sister.

That last thought is what cemented and promoted me to move forward with thoughts of getting involved.

I'm going to do for her what she did for me, because believe it or not, her friendship saved me…from myself.

When I first met her, I carried my pain within, never letting others see my weakness. But, as I discovered her pain and began to appreciate her fighting spirit that was desperate to break free, I let her in. It took us so much time and effort last year to get out of that destroyed and mangled shell _they_ left us in.

But we did.

My trust in others was in shambles, I was skittish and afraid. But her honesty and selfless heart showed me that there was still good in humanity.

Because of her I met amazing people. People like James who lost the love of his life at such a young age, but whose determination to fight his consuming depression made him a hero in our eyes.

Victoria, James' dead girlfriend...who, may god have her in his welcoming arms, was the sweetest girl I've ever met.

And now Peter, who with gentleness and a loving soul, could easily be the one to put my heart back together again.

Because of her friendship I've become a blessed woman. A happy, content woman who plans to help her sister out of the funk she's in.

We let her get by for months, hoping she would come around on her own. But her stubbornness shone brightly and just wouldn't budge. She kept hiding behind all the 'extra activities' she just 'had' to join. Between work, a full coarse load and her volunteer work at a soup kitchen, I'm surprised she has time to shower or eat.

But now, enough was enough.

So Peter, who is incredibly good looking in a nerdy kind of way, came up with this grand scheme. We decided to make her believe the holidays would be spent with his family, when the reality was Naples here we come.

During the trip she basically slept, never noticing the change in scenery or the smell of the ocean close by. I was on a constant edge, waiting for her to realize and lash out, fromanger.

It wasn't until we pulled up in front of her parent's cozy two story home that she gave the first signs of discomfort. Her breathing became harsh, almost as if she was fighting to fill her lungs.

The healthy glow she had to her skin diminished, leaving in its wake an ashen ghost. Tears poured from her eyes and as I turned to look at Peter, I doubted our decisions to come.

Maybe this was too soon.

Maybe she will become ill and it would be my entire fault.

Maybe I will lose her friendship.

I was petrified.

Jumping over the middle console, I reached for her and tried to soothe her worries. Her breathing was choppy at best and my heart constricted with each painful lung full of air she consumed. Her panic was written all over her face.

I felt completely useless as my pleas and promises of everything turning out okay fell limply aside.

It wasn't until Charlie snatched her out of my arms and held her against his chest that she slumped. Tears poured from our eyes as he soothed her broken soul and begged for her forgiveness. Renee stood by our side and held our hands as we watched him bring her back and heard their tears of joy at being together at last.

My heart was still beating rapidly after everything that transpired. I became the scared lamb, hoping and praying to still have my friend at the end. I was so deep in thought that I never noticed Bella flying at me until she was hugging me fiercely while holding on for dear life.

"Thank you L…I couldn't and wouldn't have had the courage to do this on my own," she sniffled. Her splotchy face came into view, wearing the biggest smile I've ever seen.

My own tears fell forward as I hugged my friend.

The clearing of a few throats behind us shook us from our private moment, announcing our time to go in.

Bella walked on ahead as both of our mothers needed to make sure she was okay. Her bags were grabbed by my father after he kissed my forehead and whispered his approval of Peter, making me blush.

Peter watched with great fascination and had a slight tint of pink on his own cheeks as he grabbed my hand and led us inside. The house smelled incredible as we entered.

The smell of food drenched every space, giving a tiny yet enticing tease of the pleasures to come at dinner time.

We stood side by side sharing gentle smiles as laughter rang through the kitchen. We did the right thing and as the night wore on and we ate, laughed, drank (soda for me and Bella) and celebrated being together as a family…we were healed and things could only get better from here.

**Okay I hope you know understand why I love this chapter so much…All daughters strive to live up to and find protection and love from their father's and Bella was no different…She had the tools to start rebuilding, yet needed his approval and support to start living again…**

**Next update will be up in January…can't believe this year is already at its end. I love each and every one of you and appreciate all the love and support you have bestowed upon my ramblings…my success is only merited by the incredible fans and supporters I have…**

**And a very merry Christmas and New Year to everyone in this precious fandom. May the New Year bring you love, joy, wealth and most of all health and happiness! **

**See u next year….**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note**

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you a heads up as to whats going on. I'm in the process of switching internet providers, so right now I have no internet. Hopefully things should be up and running again sometime either this weekend or early next week. Once my service is back up and running I'll have the chapters ready and posted for you.


	12. Chapter 12

**First off I would like to apologize for the long wait…I recently came back from Miami and then changed internet providers…not an excuse but I just wanted to explain what caused this long delay…again I'm so sorry and hope you can all forgive me *gives sad puppy dog eyes***

**I'm incredibly sorry for sucking at review replies….RL has been so hectic and instead of replying I focus what time I do have in making sure you guys have another chapter ready for your enjoyment! Thank you all for your patience and trust on this journey…love you all!**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Fanfiction and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get you're extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other story.**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving**

Chapter 10

Songs for chapter

Erin McCarley- Lovesick Mistake

Jet-Look What You've Done

Four years of growth...

The months following that fateful Thanksgiving dinner were truly wonderful. Relationships were mended and bonds strengthened. We constantly called and made plans, nothing concrete yet, but plans nonetheless.

I spent my time between various activities. My job was completely flexible with my shifts, something I still try to hide from the in love twins. I love them dearly, but playing third wheel just wasn't my style.

I worked, studied, made a few friends in between and had time to get involved with our local soup kitchen. I was constantly striving to make everyone around me…proud.

Not that I doubted they were, but it made me feel whole to see it shining in their eyes whenever my name was spoken.

I spent countless nights with Laurie in the living room, sprawled out with various text books, cramming for tests.

It was our way to prep.

We each had a box of pizza with our desired toppings perched next to us and a fridge full off 'Rock Star's' for me and 'Monster' for her. It was our lifeline when extra cram sessions were needed.

We never abused the energy drinks, but used what we needed to get by.

Peter would complain and worry when days would go by and all he saw of us was the back of our heads, as our noses remained buried in copious amounts of books.

He had his own rituals, which we found hilarious. The boy was never a fail at trying to 'correct' our ways and get us to join his. How a person could burrow himself in his closet, with a flashlight, a case of Bud and pull of a 4.0 GPA blew my mind.

But I guess whatever floats your boat.

How he came to this combo we'll never know, but his grades were always impressive. I guess it works, but just the thought of being crammed in a small space, along with those two and Peter's smelly shoes...just makes me cringe.

So with all our strange yet functional study habits done, term papers turned in and the semester at its end...we left the comforts and heat of Orlando and headed out with Peter, back home.

Our parents were thrilled to see our lot pull in, fully on a whim and giving them the surprise of a lifetime.

We spent countless days in the sun like we had back in Orlando, but now with the added bonus of the sea and its calming breeze. The beaches were gorgeous...miles upon miles of blue along the Florida Gulf Coast. Our days were filled with laughter, BBQ's, and tanning for Lauren.

But for me, the dominating activity was my writing.

The serenity I found, while loosing myself in the lyrics that rose from deep within, freed my soul. My heart recognized and acknowledged the still lingering black hole that took me from time to time. Not that I haven't moved forward, because I have, but the love and memories always taunt me while in solitude.

Now, as I sit here and watch the gentle wave's crash along the shore, I see his smile.

As the sun beats on my skin, lightly caressing...I remember his nose skimming down my throat, leaving trails of fire in its wake.

Taking a deep breath, I shake my head and snap out of these thoughts; thoughts that ultimately bring back nothing but pain.

Suddenly the need to get away became overwhelming. Calling out for Peter, I ask him to come with me. His expression became puzzled as he stared into my eyes. Noticing the need I have within, just from my expression, he quickly obliged without any questions.

Kissing his newly acquired girlfriend on the cheek, he extended his arm out for me to grab. I release a set of giggles that caused his head to snap up to my face and for him to grab my hand and pull me behind him.

"So where we off to B?" he asks while trying to maintain an annoyed façade at my amusement. I point to the small Mom and Pop ice cream shop across the street and he looked back at me, raised an amused eyebrow of his own and gave me a silent challenge.

Lowering my face I let out a heavy sigh and pretended to be upset. Peter always being the worrier tried to pull my chin up and opened his mouth to speak. I didn't give him a chance to before I shove him down to the ground, watching the shocked expression come across his face.

Not that I'm trying to be mean, but I must beat him across the street or I'll never hear the end of it.

The boy is extremely competitive.

He caught on quicker than expected, but before he can stand I'm off and running at top speed and calling over my shoulder, "Had to even out the playing field you cheater!"

His booming laugh is loud enough to scare the little boy building a sand castle to my right. I smile at him and wink, earning an amused chuckle from the handsome man sipping on a bottle of water behind him.

Shaking my head, I laughed too. My victory is extremely short lived as I'm suddenly lifted off my feet and I'm thrown like a sack of potatoes over Peter's shoulder.

So, now here I am, hanging upside down with a joyous Peter claiming victory over what he calls, and I quote, '_my slow ass_.'

I laughed over this ridiculousness and let the baboon enjoy his win as he sets me on my feet in front of the store.

"In yo face sweetheart… you make it too easy for me B!" he exclaimed merrily while I watch on with pure amusement. He really is a special man and absolutely perfect for Lauren.

The shop is tiny, but filled to the brim with beach goers searching for an afternoon delight. The line moves swiftly not allowing us too much time to peruse the menu. Unable to make up our minds from all the flavors before us, we decide to let the girl attending us pick and surprise us with three cones of her choosing.

Peter, always the gentleman, paid for our treats. Walking towards the door, we bump into a young couple walking in, hand in hand. Well, more like she had her talons in him, not letting go, where he clearly wanted her to.

Peter clears his throat garnering my attention and saying, "ready to go Bells?" His question caused the man, whose face I've yet to see, to whisper out a small, "Bella," making my body tremble in fright.

I haven't laid eyes on him in years.

_Years_ damnit!

Yet hearing his dulcet tones say my name, takes me back to every kiss, caress, 'I love you' and false promise he ever made.

Peter, noticed my distress, quickly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulls me towards his side to offer his protection. A resounding growl forced my eyes up to meet his angry green ones.

Time stops.

Sounds disappear.

My heart breaks all over again.

The years have been kind to him. His tousled locks still make my hands reflectively twitch. His piercing eyes draw me into their depth, holding me hostage, while all I want is to turn away.

I can hear the murmur of Peter's voice in my ear; as he tried to bring me back…but I'm too lost.

Lost to sensations I'd rather stay buried.

His eyes plead with mine…for what I don't know, but obviously something. The companion, with her sharpened talons from a minute ago, decides at that precise moment to inform us of her presence.

I watch as her hand slowly, yet extremely possessively, lies upon his chest, nailing the final nail to my coffin. On her fourth finger lays an extremely ostentatious diamond ring, a _ring_ that screams 'he's _mine_ and back off _bitch_.'

My eyes search his once angry ones, finding in them a sadness I've never seen before. The emotion lasts mere seconds before those warm green's ignite, while his fists clench. His body language screams, his possessive desire in my direction as he watches Peter pull me further away.

I had not noticed the fact that the cone I had been holding had fallen.

I never questioned how my body moved, when my legs continuously failed me.

But the desperate look in his eyes as I was carried out while my eyes welled up…will haunt me forever.

I looked into Peter's scared eyes and whispered the one word that would explain everything.

"Edward," was all that was spoken as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. A fire ignited within him. His body was at war over taking care of me or killing _him_.

He must have noticed the despair behind my eyes as his shoulders slumped and he continued on his way…with me in his arms.

It wasn't until we once again sat at the beach that my body reacted. Everyone tried to garner my attention. They asked questions, offered food, screamed at the knowledge that he was here. It wasn't until Lauren sat by my side and handed me my journal that I reacted.

The lyrics poured from my soul.

Words that expressed everything which verbally I couldn't.

_I heard__  
><em>_That you're settled down__  
><em>_That you found a girl__  
><em>_And you're married now__  
><em>_I heard__  
><em>_That your dreams came true__  
><em>_Guess she gave you things__  
><em>_I didn't give to you___

_Old friend__  
><em>_Why are you so shy__  
><em>_Ain't like you to hold back__  
><em>_Or hide from the light___

_I hate to turn up out of the blue__  
><em>_Uninvited__  
><em>_But I couldn't stay away__  
><em>_I couldn't fight it__  
><em>_I'd hoped you'd see my face__  
><em>_And that you'd be reminded__  
><em>_That for me__  
><em>_It isn't over_

**Okay so I have a major announcement for you all…NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE ALL EDWARD'S POV! He has so much to say and I'm sure it will take about two chapters to get caught up on where he is now in his life…so put on your big girl panties and put away the knives…our Doucheward is up next!******

**See u in two weeks….**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm incredibly sorry for sucking at review replies….RL has been so hectic and instead of replying I focus what time I do have in making sure you guys have another chapter ready for your enjoyment! Thank you all for your patience and trust on this journey…love you all!**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Fanfiction and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get you're extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other story.**

**Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving**

**Playlist**

**Keith Urban - Stupid Boy**

**Three Doors Down- Here Without You**

**Chapter 11**

**Edward's POV**

_Four years and I'm all alone…._

I do.

I do.

I don't...

Those two words, well at least the ones that don't end in do…could have taken me out of the never ending abyss of self-hatred and manipulation that I currently live in.

I trusted _her_.

Thought_ she_ knew what was best for me...for my future. My own siblings resented me for the preference _she_ always showed. I never understood their animosity, but you claimed that _they_ were just jealous.

Jealousy.

Another dominant feeling, that currently resides in me. It torments my every waking moment, every time I think of this past summer and see those pools of warm chocolate that drive me insane.

An invisible knife wedges itself deeper as I remember the hurt I saw on your face and the way you flinched when you heard my voice…I really did break you.

My siblings had spoken of how withdrawn and non responsive you were that day…over dinner. But I had refused to believe anything they said. I thought you were just putting on one of your melodramatic shows, so everyone could pity you and make me look like the bad guy. To me, you were just being disrespectful and hurtful towards the ones I loved and who loved me in return.

She told me you ignored Alice and made her cry.

That you glared and even spoke with venom, every time you turned to one of them.

Hatred and bitterness were all that was left of you.

Lies, all lies.

I see that now, but back then…I believed the worst of you and your intentions with me.

I believed _her_, every time _she _said, "_You were born to lead_." I was completely and utterly full of myself...to her I was the golden child...her goose that would lay that higher society golden egg.

Why would anyone ever doubt those words, especially coming from the one person who should always love and protect you?

Mother.

A mother should only want her child's happiness above her own. She should nurture, protect, and guide...not lie, manipulate or selfishly use for her own personal gain.

One would think.

I trusted mine...yeah, and ultimately I paid a hefty price. I lost the one person in this world I love; I lost my innocent little Bella.

Instead of following my heart and doing what was right, I let her...Esme…fill my head with thoughts of grandeur and what she believed mattered in this world.

Money.

Status.

Respect.

Power.

I had them all now...yet, I find myself having an empty life, a life full of regret.

I should have never let you go.

I should have fought for us.

I shouldn't have believed the bullshit I was fed.

But now, now when my eyes are wide and I'm all alone...

I miss you, I miss...us.

Holding hands as I walked you to your next class.

The small chaste kisses you gave as I carried your lunch over to our table. I loved the fact that seniors shared lunch periods with sophomores. To me it meant more time with my Baby Girl.

Sad, how the highlight of my day consists of the few minutes each night that I allow myself to remember.

Our first kiss still burns on my lips.

You were so innocent, young...trusting.

I never deserved your trust. I sometimes curse the fact you were so open and understanding. You allowed me to lead and look where that got us...miserable and worlds apart.

My father warned me, as he divorced Esme, that she was a manipulating, self centered, money hungry vapid woman. Of course I punched him...thinking, _How could he say that about the woman who spent thirty years by his side._

I thought he was heartless as I watched my mother cling to me and cry. She claimed he left her without protection, love or financial stability.

I fell for her games every time.

It wasn't until she introduced me to the new Mrs. Edward Cullen...that I saw her for what she truly was. She pushed Jane Volturri down my throat, til I gave in and asked her out.

That gained me her approval and praise, while Alice and Em just watched on, shaking their heads and looking at me with pity.

I hated having anyone's pity.

Our relationship was more of a chore than a pleasure. We were only allowed to be seen in the highest of snobby circles. Attending every stupid, boring and ostentatious gala we could.

Fundraisers and rubbing elbows became all I knew; as I was molded to tailor fit what they perceived to be right.

Esme and Jane quickly became a force to be reckoned with and ultimately my worst nightmare.

Plotting, arranging, and finally deciding that my bachelor days were over.

I should have fought her and stuck to my guns, but once again...I was weak against her and failed. Never have I cursed being a momma's boy more than at that moment.

Her glory became my misery.

Its moments like these that take me back to the night I broke you. That cursed night I was so cruel. At the time, I justified my actions by the anger you seemed to bring out of me.

I was angry at you for making me fall in love with you.

Angry because you didn't fit into the future _she_ had laid out for me.

Angry because you made me hate my mother for making me see you weren't enough...at that time.

Everyone in that stupid town put me on a ridiculous pedestal and expected me to be successful. No one cared about the weight that rested on my shoulders. I was made to feel like a lab rat...pulled in different directions and they all pulled me away from you.

I was expected to have the best education, profession, cars and I'm ashamed to admit, but women as well.

You were the most beautiful thing in my world, but unfortunately outside those county lines...you were average to everyone else.

To me you were a breath of fresh air.

Sweet, kind, generous and you never asked for more than what I was willing to give. You loved me with everything you had and even though at the end I didn't show it...I loved you, no, I _still_ love you…more than life itself.

So here I am on my wedding night, watching the Miami skyline and wondering where you are.

Are you still with the tall fucker I saw pulling you into his arms, the one that broke me in two as he held you?

Does he treat you right?

Give you everything you need?

Love you like I couldn't?

My stomach turns on that last thought. It kills me to think of another man touching what was once mine...but I lost by my own doing.

Funny...if it were us who had just said our 'I do's,' we would be devouring each other. I would be buried inside you and never wanting to leave. I would spend hours worshiping every inch of your milky white skin. Bringing you over that proverbial ledge, that brought pleasure and satisfaction to us both.

But instead, you're off in Orlando and I'm here...alone, miserable, and married to a selfish bitch.

A bitch so callous, that as we speak, she's downstairs with her 'besties' drinking and celebrating the fact that she bagged a Cullen.

My life has turned into a living, breathing hell, and I deserve every minute of it. This is the cross I bear, and deserve, for what I did to you...to us.

**So this is where he's at the four year mark. Next chapter we will go back and see him from right before the break up, to current position. I hope you all give him a chance to explain, but remember not all reasoning has to be dramatic and life altering…Some people just makes mistakes. He was a young and stupid and is finally seeing what his own weakness and blindness caused. **

**Bare with me folks…I will try my best to stay on schedule with the next few chapters, but bear in mind that I have another story and just finished a l'il drabble called I'm Sexy and I Know It! If you haven't read it and are in the mood for a different kind of Edward…check it out. All I will say is Pimp Daddyward!**

**See you in two weeks!**


	14. Chapter 14

A/N

News people…I HAVE A BLOG!

I've been hard at work getting things all purty for you guys to enjoy…all my chapters have been added, along with pictures to complement each. From now on, I will be posting teasers and news of upcoming project on there. My group on Face book is still my main source of getting things out, but this will also give those not on there to catch up with what's going on in my world.

So check me out at Reyes139(dot)blogspot(dot)com...

Massy/reyes139


	15. Chapter 15

**First off I would like to apologize for how long it has taken me to update…I could give you all a million excuses, but the truth is lately I've struggled getting into Edward's head. He's just not talking to me. **

**I beg you all have patience with me…I will still strive to meet my every two weeks updating schedule, but if it doesn't happen just understand that I am trying.**

**Also good news for everyone reading my fic's…I have a blog!**

**I have put up all chapters thus far, for this and all my stories…along with pics to complement each chapter. Run over and take a peak, get teasers and news on all my upcoming projects.**

**Reyes139(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**As always twilight isn't mine…we all know this!**

**Chapter 12**

**Songs for chapter...**

**Lifehouse- Broken**

**Switchfoot- Learning to Breathe**

**Edwards POV…**

Goldenboy.

Leader.

Role model.

Perfect...

Names used when describing someone that transcends the norm. Above average. These names have been associated with my persona, at one point or another...yet none describe who I truly am.

Deep down I feel as though I were a monster…someone that hurts and destroys those who get in his path to ultimate happiness. At least the happiness I believed to be true…

Instead, I've found myself living in utter misery, because I lost you.

These words follow me everywhere I go and make living normally close to impossible. It's not easy living up to everyone's expectations, nor is it easy to please. I have lived my entire life keeping her pleased and satisfied with my actions…until now.

You were the one person in this world that accepted me as I was…you never deserved my wrath.

But did that stop me from crushing you? No.

Did I have to be so blatantly cruel with you in those woods behind your house?

No, not at all...but I was.

Four years ago I had it all. I was captain of the basketball team, school president, had excellent grades and a sick car to call my own. But most importantly, I had you...until I became my own worst enemy.

I destroyed everything that was good in me, the moment I turned on you…us.

Losing you was always my greatest fear; I had hoped that being who your parents were would be enough.

Unfortunately for you and me, it wasn't and I became all that I loathed...a heartless asshole.

A person who only looked at his needs, wants, and desires...I only thought of me...and me alone in our relationship.

I took, took, and took...never giving anything in return.

Never once did I consider what you needed...what mattered to you.

But I guess that's what led me here...huh?

Standing in front of a window, looking out towards the city, and wishing I had done everything differently.

Wishing it was you that beared my name.

Your soft and warm body going to sleep and waking up in my arms.

That I had you…just you.

_Four years prior..._

I was days away from graduating and moving on.

Excited beyond belief to leave this podunk town behind and finally take what was always meant to be mine. I was destined for greatness. To have everyone look up to me as untouchable, perfection, above them in every single way.

People trusted and treated me as if I were a local celebrity. Never questioning my words and always praising, even if glorifying me at the moment wasn't needed.

It is a bit sad that I have to get rid of Bella before I go, but according to my mother and peers, she won't fit in with where I'm headed.

She's too below my economic standings…doesn't mix with the wealthier society I will be engaging and socializing with.

My father had already taken care of college by guaranteeing my spot in medical school.

Sure, I had to do my four years of college at the University of Miami, but I had my acceptance and position secured and waiting for me.

It's nice to have a father in this line of work and with the pull he has in this business.

I guess you could say being a Cullen opens doors which, for others, would be closed. Being the intelligent, respectful and cunningly charming son of Dr. Carlisle Cullen guarantees you success.

My mother...the kind and loving soul that she is, supports my every decision and covers for me, when needed.

Much to my siblings dismay, she adores me and treats me as her golden child...the one that could and would do no wrong.

Alice is a true daddy's girl so she never gives me too much shit, but Emmett; he is a whole other story.

He hates the fact that I got the car I wanted and begged for at sixteen, while he had to wait until he was eighteen.

When pranks and schemes went wrong...and usually they did, he always carried the blame and punishment.

I got away with murder and got rewarded while he got grounded and had things constantly taken away.

Phones.

Cars.

Money...

At one point or another, I'm sure he lost all three at once.

The end of the school year was filled with parties, booze, parties, booze and more booze.

You name it…we had it.

I spent my final days saying goodbye to the graduating class and its female anatomy. I never slept with any of them, but a blow job here or there never hurt anyone.

I for one never touched any of them.

Bella…my sweet and innocent Bella, I ignored. She was always looking for a way to see me…spend time with me, but I wasn't interested.

My mind had been made up.

I was leaving her here and moving on to all the wonderful bunnies that littered the beaches of South Florida. Would I miss her? Sure, but our run was done. We had our fun and it was time to cut our losses short.

Maybe I'm cruel in the fact that I feel this way, but I'm young, rich, good looking and have killer sex hair…according to all the skanks that whore up the halls of Naples High.

I deserved the crème de la crème…not the generics that every store has stocked on their shelves.

Packing and getting my living situation settled was a breeze.

My mother had encouraged my father to seek employment closer to where I would be studying…in hopes of keeping her family close.

I had an apartment close to school that I would be sharing with Emmett. This year he would be moving out of the dorms and into my new, fully furnished home.

He was ecstatic to have us close.

Seems the big dork missed us and needed someone to cook and clean up after him. Something my mother would be providing in the gifting of a maid.

Maria came with great recommendations from our new neighbors from across the street. Mr. and Mrs. Hale, who were the owners of a chain of popular upscale diners along the eastern seaboard, gave her high praises and sealed her new employment within my family.

She would be taking care of my apartment on Mondays and Fridays…while she would work and live with my parents the remaining time.

No one in town noticed our moving and donating of items we no longer desired to keep. We transferred very little into our new abodes, preferring to start a new life with everything being the same…new.

Graduation day was chaotic in these gloomy halls. The day had been long and tiring, with a mixture of elation at being a step closer to my goals.

I was set aside from the rest of my peers. The principle had informed me earlier in the week that I would be receiving a special recognition before being handed my diploma.

The speech was meant to motivate and quite frankly light a fire under my ass.

I felt it down to my bones.

"_Congratulations son," he began and smiled at me like a proud father would, "I'm so proud of you boy. You will make all of Naples proud, as you go off to the University Of Miami, School Of Medicine. We have such high hopes to have a world renowned surgeon amongst our own. You, my boy, have the world at your feet and the full support of this town. Don't let anything stand in your way, because you deserve so much more than this small town has to offer, dream big my boy, dream big."_

The auditorium erupted in applause meant to worship me; while normally I would find this enjoyable…now it meant shit.

A switch had been flipped inside me after his speech.

The words 'dream big' replaying in my head over and over again.

Suddenly everyone around me became filthy and not worthy of being on the bottom of my shoe.

I deserved better than they would ever offer and I wasn't staying behind to find out.

The rest of the ceremony flew by in a blur.

More menial speeches were delivered and the rest of the population received those useless rolled up papers they gave away in this tedious ceremony.

My once friends came towards me extending hands and trying to do that one arm man hug, but I refused to even acknowledge these assholes.

My sights were set on my little Bella and making her hurt.

She was the one person in my way.

I saw that now…my mother was right, she would never fit in where I was headed. I wouldn't let myself be trapped by this insignificant little girl.

She wasn't enough and would never be.

That night, my parents took us all out to dinner at the only place in town worth entering. You stayed by my side the entire night, but I ignored your every move.

After a while you got tired of my blatant disregard and annoyance with you and did us all a favor and remained quiet.

The drive to your house was no different.

I repelled every advance or caress you insisted on giving.

No kissing as I dropped you off…only a promise to be here early the next day to talk.

That night my mother came to my room late at night and told me how proud of me she was. I was doing the right thing in letting_ you_ go.

You would either trap me here or ruin and embarrass me over there.

There was no in-between and I understood it. Deep down I wasn't happy, but it had to be done. I questioned and talked to my mother till the wee morning hours. Even though I had been an ass the evening prior…I had hope we could still be.

But mother was right.

There should be no more us and I would make sure this happened…now.

Heading towards your house, I debate which route to take. I was so harsh in my actions last night. Maybe, just maybe, I should explain this to you in a more humane way.

That thought flies right out the window as you descend the stairs in my shirt. My chest constricts and my eyes see red.

Why are you trying to hurt me this way?

Are you trying to make me feel remorse over what I'm about to do?

Or is this about causing a wedge between my mother and me, because it won't work…none of it will.

"Let's go, Isabella, I don't have all day and this won't take long, that I promise." I grit through my teeth and try to not call attention towards the obvious distaste I have for you.

Turning my back on you I head towards the small wooded area behind your house. I could tell you were having difficulty matching my long strides, but I didn't care. You were no longer my problem and I refused to protect you any longer…from others or yourself.

You tripped over air once again, and I had had enough…my glare was murderous and venom poured from my lips. "For fuck's sake Bella watch where the hell you're going, I don't have all day to deal with your incompetence."

I could see the tears building behind your lids.

A pang hit me in my chest because deep down I did love you, but my anger dominated the rest of me. I could not and would not pity you…that would be a demonstration of weakness…something I was not.

"Oh please, spare me the tears sweetheart, you're a big girl and need to grow a back bone. Not every one is going to coddle your ass; I sure as hell refuse to." I couldn't help the hate slipping past my lips.

"What's going on Edward? You've never been so mean or full of disregard towards me. What have I done to garner such a treatment from you? Why?" Your timid voice made my resolve almost falter. You were weak, in pain and killing me slowly.

"You silly little girl," I tsked at you, as if you were a child. "Be honest, Bella, and tell me, you never saw this coming from me? For months I've been trying to push your ass away and just like the little leech you are, you tried to clutch onto me tighter." I stood stoic and said every single word looking straight into those bottomless pits of chocolate. I couldn't hide my contempt nor was I trying too.

I had to wrap this up and now. You were playing mind games on me…trying to make me feel sorry for you.

"Fuck! Even when I fucked Angela two months ago, you just took it in stride and refused to believe the rumors."

Your mouth hung open for a moment, before your hand connected with my cheek.

"You fuckin' mean to tell me all that shit was true? What… how… I mean, we were always together. When the hell did you have time to fuck her?" you yelled in my face as your own indignation showed.

My response brought you down to your knees, even though it wasn't true…not entirely.

"Oh, that's simple Bella; I fucked her on _your_ birthday."

A sob erupted from your chest, choking you as you remembered that night. I told you that I was busy with my family and couldn't make it. My father had a very important colleague coming from Miami just to meet me and talk about the course and programs the University offered.

Like the good little girlfriend, you never questioned my whereabouts. You were loving, devoted, and looking to sink your claws into me.

My friends all wanted you, yet you showed interest in none but me.

"Why Edward, just answer me the why?" you pled through sobs, while clutching your chest as if you couldn't breathe.

You were a good actress…I'll give you that.

"Because I can't stand to look at you anymore, really, it's that simple. Listen Bella, this was all really fun while it lasted, but I need more. I need better pussy. Wow I thought that would be hard to explain, I guess really it's not," I spat at you. I had never been so angry or careless towards anyone before.

I stood before you as a new man…your Edward died and wasn't coming back.

I knew your heart was breaking, but so was mine. I couldn't, nor would I, give up my future for a silly little girl who was my first love.

"You're just not enough for me, anymore! I dream of the big city and lots of beautiful women to warm my big king size bed every night. I'm leaving to spread my wings, Bella. To receive all the world has to offer me, and you, well… you're just a poor, plain and insignificant little mouse that doesn't fit into my agenda. I need a woman that I will be proud to show off at all the parties, get-togethers and dinners I attend with colleagues..." I shrugged my shoulders casually as if I were explaining the weather.

You were in shock.

You never moved or attempted to defend yourself from the attacks I made against you. Taking my abuse. Not one response…you were just there.

"Sorry sweetheart, but you just don't fit in my world anymore. So I might as well let you go back to your miserable existence now, while I move on to bigger and better."

Your face finally registered my words and an extreme sign of pain dominated your features. Tears freely flowed, stabbing at me, but I couldn't relent…I had done so much and said so much, I was killing you slowly and with no mercy.

You never once looked me in the eyes and I thank God for that. I was determined to see this through no matter what and I doubt seeing the anger and disinterest I had in you would help.

Seeing you on the ground and having what I'm sure was a small panic attack, brought me some weird comedic relief. You were free to feel what I couldn't and that wasn't fair. The only thing I could do at this point was laugh at the irony of it all.

I loved you, but you couldn't be what I needed or deserved.

"As much as I find your sad excuse of a show amusing Bella, get real and get it together, because I won't be here to take you back home. I'm leaving to go to Miami now. My family is heading down with me and looking for a place to live down there, too." I turned to walk away, but decided to leave you with a few parting words first.

"Alice told me to tell you goodbye and that she will be back to spend some time with you before the final move. But I'm sure once she settles in and has made better friends, you'll be nothing more than a distant memory. Goodbye, Bella, hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity."

"Oh and one last thing babe," I called over my shoulders in a condescending tone.

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

And then I was gone with a single tear rolling down my cheek.

**Hope to have the next out to you all soon and if you're in the mood for something lighter, fun and sexy…run over and read my new drabble… **

**I Think I'm Gonna Marry You**

**I think I loved you before you were even born. As children we played house, as teens you were my first crush and as adults, I live for you. Now to only convince you that, you belong to me...with me. Romance/Fluff and some naughtiness in between. Rated M**

**Now leave me some sugar!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Fandom for Children is now taking donations...I am currently working on a piece to donate for this wonderful cause...please take out a few minutes and check out the blog and donate. There are so many children living with abuse and needing our help. The blog is ****Fandom4children(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Fanfiction and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get you're extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other stories.**

**Twilight isn't mine, you know this … I know this… soooo moving on**

Chapter 13

Edward's POV

Songs for chapter

Linkin Park- New Divide

Red Suit Apparatus- Your Guardian Angel

_Present time…._

That day, I truly became the monster my siblings always saw behind the good boy act. I knew that each word was causing you distress and pain, but I was consumed with so many emotions running rampant within. I lost focus of what was actually happening and took things too far.

Could I have gone back and begged for forgiveness? Yes, I could have, but what would that have fixed; nothing…_nothing_ at all, that's what it would have done.

Especially if, at the end of the day, I still had to walk away from you.

I remember running towards my car and throwing myself behind the wheel. My eyes were wet and my breathing was harsh. I had to pull over and let my anger…my anguish out, before I had to go home and face _her._

I knew the moment I stepped foot in that house, she would be all over me, wanting to know every detail of our enchanting demise.

She would say something along the lines of…

_She's beneath you…us… my boy._

_If she truly loved you…she would have just let you go without all the dramatics and waterworks._

_Her kind doesn't belong in our world._

The radio taunts me in the one moment I have allowed myself to mourn our love. Our song comes on and my chest constricts. Do you remember the song I sang to you after we made love for the first time?

Cause I do.

Your Guardian Angel plays in the background of my empty car and I die a little inside.

_When I see your smile_

_Tears roll down my face I can't replace_

_And now that I'm strong I have figured out_

_How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul_

_And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one_

_I will never let you fall (let you fall)_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

_I was such a fool to believe that we would last…that our difference in social standings didn't matter…that I could be your one…and you be mine._

_It's okay. It's okay. It's okay._

_Seasons are changing_

_And waves are crashing_

_And stars are falling all for us_

_Days grow longer and nights grow shorter_

_I can show you I'll be the one_

_I will never let you fall (let you fall)_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

I love you, but hate you so much at the same time.

I love you for your kind heart and warm smile…never asking for anything and gaining everything at the same time.

I hate you for making me see the flaws within me and mine. For making me despise the woman who gave me life. The one that now opens my eyes and shows me what the world is truly like.

It was very late in the evening when I made it home, barely making it through the door…before her fangs sunk in and her venom spread. She couldn't contain her glee at your pain as I relived it all. _Her_ attack was lethal and unforgiving…taking no prisoners and not mincing words.

Blaming you for the state in which I had arrived and the hateful words I spat at her.

I was right about the way she tore you apart with every syllable escaping her lips.

She never cared…I see that now… years later.

My siblings were surprisingly supportive…even Alice, as furious as she may have been, tried to comfort me. She was appalled by my carelessness yet still wrapped me in her tiny arms…saying it would be okay.

That night, after having to rehash the pain and suffering we both barely survived, I went to bed without saying another word to Esme.

I had nothing pleasant to say and her unloving nature was seriously wearing on my nerves.

The following morning I set out before the rest of the family awoke. I remember driving past your house and longing to climb up your window…to just hold you one more time.

But I couldn't do that to you or myself.

No. I needed to be stronger than this and before I could repent on my earlier sins, I hit the gas pedal and sped off.

The drive down to Miami was less than two hours at the rate in which I was driving. The openness of the road helped my cause and kept me focused as I sped through each toll.

The expressway had very few cars and everyone seemed to steer clear of me and my Volvo as we flew down the road. I was lucky at the lack of State Patrols that morning, because if I had been caught, I was sure to have been arrested.

Not only was I a bit reckless, but the open bottle of Jack I had as a passenger would have been enough to land me behind bars.

I ignored every call as I drove. The only person I contacted before turning the device off was Emmett. He was aware of the position I was put in and understood. Don't get me wrong, he loved Bella...they all did except _her._

He just wasn't going to judge me for it.

According to him, I would learn my lesson and he would be there to pick me up. No more, no less, that was all he had to say.

Arriving in town around ten in the morning, I went straight to our new apartment and met with my brother. For the first time in five years he hugged me and promised to help me out.

It felt nice to have his support after all the shit storms I had caused him over the years. He had made us breakfast…or better yet, bought us some grub. Not eating the night before and having a stomach full of liquor had me devouring the Mc Muffins before me.

It was still early and with nothing else to do except learn the new town and discover the warm beaches, we headed back out. We were close to Sunset Blvd and a lot of shopping, dining and snobby rich people.

Exactly what Esme would find suitable.

So we hit a few shops and explored a bit of the UM campus…bought some things for the apartment and watched a couple of cute bimbos sashay it for us.

It hurt to flirt and accept their numbers, but what else was there for me to do? I just had to accept what my life was now, without you, and live it.

And that's how the first year away from you and your love went for me…

Numbers.

Flirting.

Hook-ups and meaningless sex…

I wasn't proud nor was I rejoicing in what I had become, but the truth was as plain to see. There were many times in which I had the keys in my hands and my heart open for you to see. But the shame I wore and the stringed puppet I became always stopped me…even if at the moment in time I wasn't aware of how deep her claws were sunk in, subconsciously I knew.

My parents did go back after being down here a year. They had some belongings left in the old house and were in need of selling what was left. According to Alice, Renee, being the caring and loving soul she was, invited everyone over for dinner and drinks.

Esme and Carlisle accepted and graciously showed up with a bottle of wine and the intent on investigating how you were. My father, the idiot, just wanted to make sure you were okay and living, while my mother wanted to rub my success in school and women in your face.

I was upset at first as she gushed about your lack of appetite and social interaction, making you out to be a bitter harpy and rude.

Alice, the poor caring fool she was, hit you where it hurt without knowing. I was aware of her budding friendship with the blonde beauty that had Emmett in a craze. I never told her about my last words to you or the way I claimed your friendship meant shit to her.

Of course hearing and seeing with your own eyes what had become reality hurt you and in turn you lashed out. Alice was devastated at being shunned out and losing her best friend. In her eyes…you, Rose and she would be BFF's and move in together after high school. Little did she know that I had destroyed that foundation with my prediction and she dealt the final blow, by acting nonchalant about her new closeness to Rose.

I was furious at Bella for my sister's pain and began to lose myself in the arms of even more women and booze. My grades and popularity never suffered, I was the center of attention no matter where I went. Just like Esme wanted.

So there was never the need for the witch I call a mother, to step in and correct my behavior.

The second year I was without your presence was a bit better. While I still missed you and felt lost and disgusted with the role I played…it was better than the dark water I was drowning in before.

My relationship with Alice and Emmett flourished and became…normal. We ate dinner together, no matter what, on Sunday's and even hung out during the week. Around that time both my siblings met their other halves and fell into deep and endless love.

I had met a cool, laid back Texan in school and introduced him to Alice one night when he stopped by. One look and a wink was all it took for her to be head over heels in love. According to him she was exactly what he had waited for his entire life and the fact that he was filthy rich helped my mother welcome him with open arms.

Rose finally let her guard down and let Em sweep her off her feet. She was the center of his world and he let her know every second of every day.

It was sickening and sweet, but oh so hurtful to watch.

I once had that too.

I let it go and hated myself for it.

Alice reminded me of your graduation coming soon and I had plans to be there. Maybe I could talk to you and explain…beg you to forgive me and maybe work up a friendship for now. Who knew what the future held for me, but I hoped maybe, just maybe, it would be me and you again.

I drove up to the old high school and searched you out within the crowd, but you weren't there. In my hands I held roses for you…as white and pure as your soul.

I ran into James, an old friend of yours, and he confirmed you weren't here nor would you be in town much longer. He claimed you had found a new friend and warned me to stay away…that I wasn't good enough and only caused pain.

In his hands he carried an arrangement of black roses.

As black and dark as my heart felt at knowing that once again you were out of my reach…this time, by your own doing.

I expressed my condolences over Victoria's death and gave him my arrangement. She was a good kid and deserved something pretty to adorn her memorial at school.

He walked away and laid down the roses in the center of the yard where others had laid their respects and mourned her loss on what should have been a joyous occasion.

As the ceremony commenced, I was at a loss and angry. My plan should have gone differently…we were supposed to be embracing and loving the other. So with a heart full of pain and regret I marched back in and stole those black roses and addressed the blank card to you.

It was an asshole move and I see that now, but back then I was a mere boy trying to be a man; a man that, at that moment, felt the loss of you all over again and wanted you to feel the same.

No one was home when I arrived. I snuck in through that window in your room that was never locked and laid my gift upon the bed. Everything in those four walls screamed you…

Memories assaulted my head.

You and I making love then laying side by side whispering about the love we shared.

Studying and stealing kisses while the others were nose deep in their books.

So much love…so much hope for a future together.

And now as I look around, all I see are boxes and bare walls…you are truly leaving me the same way I once left you.

I drove home after leaving that night and promised myself to never remember you again; to bury your memory deep within the recesses of my mind and finally move on.

On my third year I partied hard and lost control of who I was. My mind fought against your memory, wanting my freedom and rebelling on who I was supposed to be.

Esme saw this as a threat to her precious position in society and nipped that shit in the bud. Suddenly my evenings were filled with dinners and the meeting of socialites, all vapid and miniature women like my mother.

Of course she was thrilled and relayed to me the need to settle down and become a respectable and envied member of society.

That was the second time I had ever hated that woman and opened my eyes to her true colors. Her heart was black and her soul a never ending vortex of greed and envy.

Nothing was ever enough for her.

That was the year I met Jane Volturi and my life became a hell on earth.

The fourth year, and what brought me to where I am today…on my honeymoon, watching the Miami nightlife pass before my very eyes, was the day I saw you in Naples in the arms of another.

My mother and the bitch I call my wife filled my every waking moment with monotony and boredom. It was always this party this and that dinner that.

If I wasn't holed up in the library doing homework or in the lab, I was dressed as a clown and performing for all the rich and famous in this city.

Everyone asked when the wedding was and why was I waiting to put a diamond on Jane's finger. Didn't they see my hate or disgust for the vapid and venomous creature by my side?

No…no one saw, but you.

We were in town meeting with one of her daddy's associates for lunch and an evening on his yacht, when you caught my eye. Laughing, running, and joking with the idiot behind you.

He tossed you over his shoulder and you didn't complain once.

I all but pulled the bitch by my side into the shop and watched you for a moment before you turned around. Absolutely beautiful is what you were.

The man called your name and I whispered yours with all the love I could muster in that moment. You tensed and looked at me dead in the eye.

Everything disappeared.

I tried to relay my feelings for you with my eyes, but Jane's hand showing off that ugly ring her grandmother left her made your eyes tear. Did you really think I was getting married to her?

The color drained from your face and the ice cream fell.

The man pulled you back into his chest and I let out a pained growl at watching another touch what was mine. "Edward," escaped those plump lips and he leveled me with a stare filled with hatred and a promise of pain to come.

I watched silently as he led you out of that parlor and my life.

Bella had moved on and with a silent cry, so would I.

It was months later that I proposed and made the society page in the Miami Herald.

_The wedding of the century,_ they dubbed it…what a crock.

We were married four years to the day of my break up in those woods with you. Poetic justice some would say, but I deserve it and so much more.

I truly hope that you're happy and fulfilled in every aspect of your life.

So here's to you, my beautiful and almost lover, Bella…may your life be filled with happiness and joy. May you someday find the man of your dreams and may he love you the way I couldn't. Hopefully in the future our paths will cross and we might be able to rekindle what my stupidity threw away.

'Til then I'll dream of you every night and that beautiful day when we meet again…

**So there you have it kiddies…his recount of the last four years and what led him to where we are today…I hope I answered some of your questions and the why and how he ended up where he is.**

**The next update won't be ready for another a while, as I have other projects to wrap up. Don't fret…I will not be gone for too long. I will be moving us along a bit as we discover how she came to be a singer and what happens when they meet again…**

**Love you all…til next time!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 14**

**Bella's POV**

**Songs for chapter:**

**Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis**

**The War Is over by Kelly Clarkson**

_Dawning of a new Day…_

After that disastrous last meeting, I refocused myself and set my priorities straight. School and family became my primary focus, not letting things I couldn't control, dictate my relationships with others, nor would I miss any more time due to the actions of those only set on hurting me and mine…I refused to continue being weak.

My heart was still a bit raw and tender after seeing him, but not as damaged as the last time I stood in his presence all those years ago.

My father was infuriated to find out that he had been so close to me, but relented and calmed as Peter explained what actually occurred and how well I took it all.

Lauren and my mother wanted to go on a proverbial witch hunt, while Lauren's mom just wanted to 'beat his pathetic ass.'

We were all aware of how much control he had over his life as of late… Esme, truly wore the pants in that family…dictating their every move.

I knew that the thought was what counted, but I wouldn't deny that a small piece of me would have paid good money to see that blonde leech get hers.

While it was true that I didn't know her personally…she was exactly what the money hungry, society climbing bitches looked like.

All proper, plastic, and with an indescribable edge of cattiness to her that couldn't be denied…exactly what he and his family deserved.

The following months after our departure from Naples were filled with a flurry of activity.

Classes started and my job resumed.

I buried myself in a heavier workload that semester, in hopes of avoiding thinking too much about him and his pending nuptials…yes, I said nuptials. The idiot had set his sights on the blonde and was making her an honest woman in the eyes of his obnoxious ass kissing society.

The wedding was to take place in an oceanfront estate in Miami with over 500 guests.

The 'Wedding of the Year' is what it was dubbed. The couple was revered and loved in the city… they were said to be a union made in society heaven.

I still remember the day my family received the invitation and the explosion that ensued.

_We had been out on my parent's deck when there was a sudden knock on the door. Not expecting anyone that late into the evening, my father headed towards the door with his gun fully loaded in his holster._

_There at the door, stood a nervous, skinny, and pimply faced kid with a package addressed to my family and our friends…my guess is that Lauren's family was who they meant by as 'friends.'_

_In the ostentatious package, which included a bottle of champagne, was a single invitation in lace and gold toned parchment paper…absolutely hideous._

_In bold letters there stood my worst nightmare and heartache._

_**We are cordially inviting you to the blessed union of…**_

_**Edward Anthony Cullen**_

_**And**_

_**Jane Volturi**_

_**May God bless this pair and sanctify their union.**_

_What a crock of shit, I thought as my mother ripped the stupid invitation out of my hands and into a million pieces._

"_How fucking dare they…him!" she screamed, all the while her eyes were trained on me as she ranted and raved. I could easily see how they would be concerned for my sanity after everything they had already put me through._

_I won't deny the tightness in my chest or the tears that slipped from my eyes, but i honestly believed that I took the news better than anyone could have expected._

_No sobs or falling to the floor in pain…maybe, just maybe, I was ready to truly let go._

"_Because they are selfish assholes, but don't worry…this won't stay like this, _this_ time Renee," my father seethed. "They want to continue fucking with Bella, with us? Well it's about time they get what they deserve."_

"_What do you have in mind Charlie?"_

"_I'm not the sheriff here for nothing, my love…I have a few skeletons in my possession that that matriarchal bitch would rather I kept quiet." His posture was rigid and his hands clenched into the tightest fists I've ever seen._

"_Dad, leave it alone…I'm over them and their petty shit!" His eyes were sad and afraid, but I held firm and showed them that I wasn't that little, scared, and destroyed girl he had left a few years back._

"_Bella," he choked and I ran into his arms._

"_I promise…I'm okay…he can't hurt me anymore."_

"_If you're sure baby girl…," he trailed off, not believing a single word that left my lips. I nodded and held firm, giving them no other choice but to believe what I claimed.…I was just so ready to just continue on with our wonderful night._

_Ready to pretend they never existed and breathe fresh air without this annoyance of a wedding hindering my time at home…with them. "Then let's give this piece of shit invitation the dignity it truly deserves," he chuckled, though it came out a bit forced._

_He was worried…I knew that, but the love shining back at me through his eyes was all the strength I needed. With a glass of wine in each of their hands and me with my never missing can of 'Rockstar,' we walked over to the outdoor chimney and threw the bits of ugly gold and lace into its flames._

_It felt so good…burning the trash and releasing him at once._

That was two months ago…he was getting married today.

We all refused to attend the media circus that became his wedding…not that we would have any way, but with all the local coverage and people digging in to find a juicy story from their pasts, the last thing I needed was to be brought to light as his past love.

If love was truly what he ever felt for me?

Instead, as the clock wound down the minutes, I wrote…finishing that song I had started so long ago.

Lyrics and the melody of a piano coming together in perfect harmony.

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you._

_I wish nothing but the best, for you too._

And it was true…even after everything he put me through and the time I had lost next to my loved ones…I couldn't help but wish him nothing but the best.

_Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead", yay._

Truer words couldn't have been spoken…the hurt outweighs the love I shared with him and he took for granted. How quickly was I replaced…left aside by those I thought to be friends for life.

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares._

_Regret's and mistakes they're memories made._

_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

My only hope as I finished these last few lines in my song was that someday, _someday_ I could look back at this time in my life and laugh. Maybe sit and reflect on my painful past with a bottle of wine and my true love beside me.

A man that would love me for me and all I had to offer…nothing more…nothing less.

Hopefully one day I would look back and thank God for saving me from a mistake, because at this very moment, I would give almost anything to be the one he awaited at the end of that cursed aisle.

Instead I had the faith and freedom to now dream and hope to someday come across the man meant for me and only me.

"You ready to head out?" Laurie said as she entered my room with a sad smile on her face.

She was aware and understood just how difficult this day truly was.

Paul and his skank had married right after we graduated…saddest day for my friend, yet freeing for her soul at the same time.

Lauren had claimed to have felt the chains that Paul tightly held around her heart, give way and release her.

It was at that moment that she breathed and noticed Peter beside her…holding her hand and whispering words of love and devotion.

Sweetest moment I'd ever witnessed between two matching souls.

We decided earlier in the day to head on over to a small café' over by the university and… chill. Having been so busy as of late with work, classes and my obsessive need to finish my song before today, I had been alienating them and pushing everyone else away without consciously realizing it.

Thank God they understood and let me work my feelings out on my own…I didn't need someone to meddle or tell me how to deal, just someone to listen if needed and to be free to do as I wished.

The freedom I now see he took away.

Peter drove us over to the already packed shop and parked about a block away. The entire place was crammed with people signing up to sing and showcase what they considered to be their talents.

We had a variety of rock, alternative and grunge singers…bands, a small group of poets and even a few people with weird juggling acts…all fun to watch and get the mind over what losing him would bring.

We found an empty table near the stage with our names on a weird shaped cone.

I looked at my smiling friends and asked what gives?

"Well, we think tonight is going to be special and we want front row seats to your first performance," Peter said in a rush as if pulling off an imaginary band-aid…while Laurie gave me a grimace/smile that made her look constipated.

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded by what he said…I couldn't get up there and sing…were they out of their freaking minds? Especially not that song, no, that song was just too personal and I wasn't sure if I could perform it without falling apart.

"Look B," my best friend started, "we love you and see the potential in your art…give it a go…you have nothing to lose yet everything to gain." Her eyes were sincere and full of love…I couldn't be mad.

"But, but, but…" I tried to express how I felt as everything sank in…my verbal repertoire becoming nonexistent as the potential this all had to become a disaster solidified in my head.

Me plus the stage and my guitar…fuck.

"Ha! I can't perform…I don't have my guitar or piano!" Peter suddenly walked away without another word and left the café'.

I was afraid.

"Yes you can, Bella, and don't worry your pretty little head off…everything has already been taken care of...just trust us and sing that song you have been working so hard on over the last few years." How could she ask this of me, knowing what it represented and what today was…my heart couldn't handle that amount of pain.

"Bella, would I ever ask you to do something that I think would cause you pain, unless it was for you're own good?"

"No."

"Then stop doubting me and yourself…you have a gift…your music comes from deep within your soul and heart…people will love you and connect, because we have all been there at one point in time or another. Don't be ashamed. Embrace the pain and let it out through what you've written…it'll do you a world of good to let all that anger, frustration, hurt and love out." She was right.

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…let's do this."

And so I did…my name being called just after Peter came walking back through the front doors and over to our table with a small guitar in his hands.

I was amazed at how fast he seemed to have gotten a hold of one and told him so, but he just shrugged it off and told me to rock the house.

As I walked over to the stage, my nerves were beginning to take hold of me…scared and trembling was how I made it up onto that stage. My knees threatened to buckle as I hoisted myself onto a small stool left in the center of the stage for me to sit on while I sang.

The melody was simple and a little different from how it would sound on a piano, but still manageable.

Closing my eyes to escape the crowds criticizing gaze, I began to belt out every word…tears running down my cheeks and making it hard to breathe at moments, but I continued on. It was hard to hold in the sobs wanting to be let out, but I did and it felt so good to hear the crowd explode in applause and begin a chant for more.

Not sure what they would have wanted to hear, I let the crowd shout out their requests.

The popular choice was _You Outta Know_ by Alanis Morrisette…a song me and Laurie were very familiar with, as we wore out that CD quickly after she had moved into the neighborhood.

The crowd sang along with me and I blushed…never would I have believed that me, Isabella Swan, would have felt so at home on a stage. I was laughing and enjoying the happy energy the crowd threw back at me…best feeling in the world.

After my impromptu set, I made my way back to our table, only to be stopped by a tall and handsome man claiming to work for a local radio station. He was impressed by my performance and so were the executives to a huge record label hanging out with him tonight.

I was shocked and quite literally about to faint as he handed me their business card and set up a meeting for the following day. They claimed to have loved my voice, look and lyrics…I was the 'total package' as he claimed.

Not knowing what to say, I simply said 'thank you,' and walked away with that card clutched firmly between my shaking fingers…things like this just didn't happen to girls like me.

"What did that guy want, Bell?" Peter was watching the guy that approached me carefully. He didn't know what I had been offered and what this could mean for us all, because if I ever did decide to go this route, they would be right there with me.

Lauren was smug and Peter amazed.

"I knew something big was about to happen…I told you B…I told you!" she exclaimed before hugging me fiercely.

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this? Is music something you could see yourself doing and being content?" Peter…always our little worrier.

"Yes, Pete, and I want you guys with me every step of the way…come with me tomorrow and help me figure out what could and might not happen."

"You bet your ass we'll be there B…we decided a long time ago to always have each other's backs no matter what. Well, here is the first of many times those words will be put to use," declared Laurie. Raising her glass high above her head, she made a toast to new beginnings and never ending friendships.

_To new beginnings indeed…_

**Well there you go folks…we are back with Bella and just in time to see her transformation into a star commence. I will be aiming for an update about every three weeks as I have two other wip's going at the moment and UISY needs to be wrapped up…see u next update!**

**Massy**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: This story will be very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two, but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA… I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.**

**I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Rachel and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!**

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Onethree-nine and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get your extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other stories.**

**Twilight isn't mine, you know this … I know this… soooo moving on…**

Chapter 15

Bella's POV

Song for chapter:

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

_Five years in and I'm finally me again…_

"Marie, Marie…over here," they shouted at me from so many directions that I barely had time to give them even one fifth of what they wanted. I was known for being agreeable and open with the public about this persona I had created and I was proud of myself for keeping a good relationship with the media and my fans.

If a picture or autograph was what they wanted, I was always more than willing to oblige if the setting permitted…it kept them happy and honestly, it also kept me off those nasty blogs and unfriendly web sites designed to tear an actor, musician, or anyone in the lime light, apart.

My life had become so very different after that meeting a year ago.

Now my days were filled with endless hours at the recording studio and maybe an 'open to the media' set. These open sets were designed especially to promote and show that I was the real deal, not a fake carbon copy of what most female artists have become.

My voice wasn't made in the studio by computers, nor was I trained to play a few cords over and over again.

I was me and me alone with a guitar, piano or plain ol' no music…my voice never waivered or showed weakness, something I was constantly commended on.

"_She's just what the music world needed."_ One reporter for Rolling Stones magazine said in his article. "_A true and beautiful breath of fresh air_." Another claimed and so on and so on.

My first CD was about to be released and already the buzz behind me, and my small crew of accompanying musicians, was great. Not that I used many…truly, just two guys that played the instruments for me if the song was an emotional one and was known to take its toll on me while we played.

Today I was set to be on the Tonight Show for the first time…

My nervousness was almost overwhelming…so many people watching, criticizing and making up their minds on if I was worth it or not to spend their couple of bucks on my music. My first CD was scheduled to come out tonight at midnight while I played and I was hoping for instant success and the chance to prove my craft…something that Edward's absence had made me hone and almost make perfect.

"Ready, Bells?" His gentle hands took a hold of my trembling ones and began to rub soothing circles on my palm. This man was truly a saint in my eyes and the reason that I was becoming what I should have always been…something I was before the Cullen's left me to rot in my own self-deprecating worth."You'll knock them dead…just as you have done to me with everything you are…don't be nervous, just pretend its me and you alone in that studio, writing and recording this beautiful song you wrote from all that pain you once carried…let it out and let them see what a shining star you truly are." My eyes locked in with his before I leant forward and gave him a small kiss on his cheek and nodded a yes. His smile was blinding and full of warmth…warmth so strong and calming that the enormous amounts of nerves and fear I once held within me disappeared.

"You've come a long way baby girl and you are only getting started…show them what you're worth and what you have become…give them a reason to see that it was their loss, not yours." I gasped…he smiled and held me close. "You are a star in my and so many other's eyes… beautiful, smart, dedicated and so hard working…you deserve this, Bella…enjoy…bask in their love for you."

Those encouraging words took me back to that day it all happened for me…the meeting…the feelings and meeting him for the first time. I never imagined feeling anything for anyone ever again, much less me wanting to let anyone get close, but it happened and he was the reason why.

_Our celebrations to new beginnings lasted way into the early morning light. Toasts were made in congratulations, plans concocted on how to proceed, and our bonds as best friends and siblings re-enforced._

_Pete was worried for me and with what I believe was a good solid reason. It's not an everyday occurrence that one of your best friends and sister is offered this amazing type of life changing opportunity. Granted he was happy, proud and as excited as the rest of us, but he also did not want me to take on too much, especially after making so much progress in finding most of what I'd lost after Edward walked away…my self worth was something I wanted to hold onto now more than ever._

_His concern was majorly focused on what being thrust into stardom could do to my psyche; being that only a short time ago it was fragile and damaged. But I felt it down to my very bones that this is what I was meant to be...meant to do with my life._

_I was finally feeling those jitters from happiness I've lived without for so long…that feeling of finding my way after being lost…I couldn't give that up now, not without knowing if it was worth me taking the plunge into the unknown or if what they offered was worth walking away from to begin with._

_My hopes lied in fulfilling a dream I once thought would never be…that maybe, just maybe, I was worth more than he had led me to believe and that maybe I was worth someone's admiration, love and above all, respect…something I could now see he never gave me in all the years I was his girl._

_I wanted to feel loved again, but this time with no hidden meaning or agendas…wanted someone to appreciate me and give themselves to me heart and all, no questions asked. _

_Yes, this girl wanted to find what Laurie and Pete had found in each other…I deserved that too._

_In my short 19 years on this earth, there have been two defining moments where I have felt secure, fulfilled...happy._

_The first was when I was in Edward's arms for the first time and all throughout our relationship._

_In those first few years, I had felt cherished and protected… something that might be hard to understand to most, since I was still so young, but to me it was perfectly clear. He was attentive, charming, and so affectionate with me._

_Carrying my book bag after school if we walked home...always making sure I was okay and that I had eaten my fill before he would eat his...the little things that to some are overlooked…to me, will always be what matter the most._

_I was never a girl that lived for statuses or fortune._

_I was simple and simply happy to be so._

_Don't get me wrong, I loved being girly, appreciated fashion and dressing up if the particular occasion called for it. I enjoyed spending time getting my nails done with mom and Alice in that little shop down the street from the post office in the center of town. _

_Sitting down in that chair, gossiping with Alice and each of us picking outrageous designs to rock the next day at school..._

_We certainly had an affinity for shocking and being the ones to set the trends in our grades._

_But while I could appreciate all those things, what I never truly cared for, was having to dress in designer labels on a constant basis or having to drive a Porsche...I was more of an 'if it looked good on me, buy it' kind of gal._

_Didn't matter if it was from the Saks clearance rack, Target's must have, or Wal-Mart's seasonal section...it was all the same to me._

_Too bad I never saw those same qualities, the ones I abhorred, in _them_ until it was too late for me and my poor battered heart._

"_Bella, what time did they tell you to come down to their temporary office in town?" Laurie questioned from her perch atop Pete's lap. He was running his hands in slow soothing circles on her calves and she was eating it up._

_You could literally see her melt into him and him in turn, naturally respond to her every smile, and sigh…shift._

_It was a beautiful sight to see them so in tune… so in love with each other, yet this same joyous sight made me sad and wish it was me instead…not that I want that with Pete or that I'm jealous of her in that aspect…I just miss that feeling of being wanted and wanting in return._

"_It's not an office, you dork…we're all meeting at their hotel's restaurant for breakfast and for them to tell me what they want before I sign my life awa_y."

"_Whatever it is…what time do we need to be there?" she replied with an eye roll._

"_Sometime between nine and ten a.m. today, they want to make this a bit informal and make it as comfortable for me as they can."_

"_What do you mean, B?" Pete asked… always the one to ask the questions and want to know every last detail for everything that's about to happen._

"_What I mean is just that…an assistant for Twilight Recordings called me this morning and informed me of the changes to venue and what to expect. According to Leah, they want to make me feel comfortable and at ease…not pressured or intimidated… hence the breakfast and relaxed dress code."_

"_Well that's nice of them," Lauren jumped in and elbowed Peter in the ribs to snap him out of whatever planet his mind had suddenly escaped too. "Yeah, nice," he exclaimed, yet his tone of voice was off…as if he wasn't feeling their generosity as just that… generosity._

"_Pete…what's up? Why the long face and concern?" I asked._

"_Nothing's wrong, B, just concerned and wanting to have my questions ready to be fired off when the time comes…I can't, and won't, let anyone take advantage of you…I promised! I want to trust that they are being genuine, but can't help and be concerned with how much sudden interest they've taken…"_

"_Pete!" Laurie yelled as if he had said something wrong, when in reality, he was voicing something that had been plaguing my mind since that early morning phone call._

"_No…he's right! I have been wondering why there have been so many accommodations and considerations, when in fact, they are usually the opposite when a person is looking to be signed."_

"_But that's the thing Isabella, you never approached them, they approached you…they want you, and will do anything to sign the star we have before us and want the world to see."_

_Pete smiled at her and nodded shyly._

_Maybe she was right and we had nothing to fear, but after so many let downs and having others leave me high and dry, I wasn't so ready to walk into that hotel with no reservations…I just couldn't let my guard down completely._

"_She's right, B, and I'm sorry if I made you doubt that…come on, lets go and let them wow us with all the goodies they have to offer." And that was exactly what we did._

_Upon our arrival, we were ushered in by the sane girl who spoke to me this morning. Leah was so sweet and charming. I could tell she was nervous around us and that actually helped put me at ease._

"_I don't bite, nor am I going to be rude, sweetie…relax those shoulders and chill," I leant over and whispered to her so the others wouldn't notice her behavior and embarrass her in a good natured sort of way._

_She smiled…I giggled and soon she was joining in, just what the moment needed_.

"_I can see why they are so taken with you and stressed on making sure they sign you," she whispered back after our laughter calmed. The love birds beside us didn't understand our newly formed exchange, but after a genuine smile from us both and a wink for good measure, they both relaxed and continued on with their private talk._

"_Don't be nervous, Isabella…they want you. They will do, and are willing to give, anything to make sure you sign with their label…honey, you are their biggest discovery to date, and they deduced that from your single performance last night."_

_Her words were extremely comforting and just what I needed to hear. She was an outsider and part of their world, probably used to these sorts of meetings and how they were conducted, but having her say that I had nothing to be nervous about, and that they were that convinced on my abilities, took the pressure off and just let me relax and enjoy what this moment could possibly mean._

_We walked into the small terrace like area of the Hilton in Orlando minutes later. The gentlemen were all sitting down at a small table off to the side that was filled with what looked to be a very appetizing breakfast spread…they were all looking quite anxious as I approached and that in itself was comforting_

"_Good morning, Miss Swan," the radio station's rep I had met the previous night said and then all eyes were on me. "Please take a seat and join us in our meal."_

_Lauren, Peter and I all sat on the opposite side of the table from where they sat. Plates were placed before us and introductions were all made._

_Eleazaar Denali was an older, white haired gentleman in his late to early fifty's and the CEO of Twilight Recordings. He was funny, distinguished and quite the charmer. He commanded attention from everyone in the room…male and female alike. _

_Laurent Martin was a music producer who had also heard me last night and was here to give Eleazaar all the technical information he would need and I wouldn't know how to answer._

_And lastly, we had Demetri Mayer. He was a manager they were hoping could leave a good impression on me and tell me in simpler terms what my contract would demand and what I had to gain…they wanted us to click and have a spark._

_And we did._

_He was gorgeous, with short, dark brown, tousseled hair and a beautiful smile. Bright blue eyes bore into mine and for the first time in a long time…I blushed. A slight Russian accent made an appearance a time or two as we spoke and the more we interacted, the more entranced I became._

_Once all the food was removed from the table, all 'get to know you' conversations ceased and business became the prime focus._

"_Isabella, what the men here today played for me in that small recording, is enough for me to want you on my roster as of yesterday. I won't beat around the bush and try to sell us on you, nor will I promise you the world at your feet, what I will promise is a company that will fully support you and back you up on this venture…we want you to feel as if you are now part of this family, because at the end of the day that is exactly what we are." _

"_What Eleazaar said is true, Isabella," Laurent began, "We saw nothing but potential and an amazing spark in you while you sang last night…you had grace, a soulful voice and charisma…sweetie, everyone in that room was eating out of the palm of your hands as you sang." I blushed and ducked my head down, causing the entire table, except Demetri, to laugh…he just watched me and smiled soft and genuinely.._

"_You are a star, sweet child, and all we want is to help you reach that plateau you were always meant to reach…give this company a chance…together we can build an incredible career for you and show the world what an incredible star you truly are."_

"_Wow," I said and a small tear ran down my cheek, I was touched and floored with how much they actually believed in me. I lifted my hand to wipe away the moisture that now ran down my face, but before I could, Demetri ran the tips of his fingers under my eyes, collecting the moisture._

"_Don't cry, sweet heart, a beauty such as yourself should never be amazed by a compliment or be surprised when she is told what a priceless gem she truly is." I smiled and Peter and Lauren watched with guarded yet hopeful eyes…don't know why they did, but when looking into their eyes it was all there._

_Confusion._

_Fear._

_Hope…_

"_He's right, my dear…you are an extraordinary young woman and as such, should be treated with respect and the admiration you deserve." Again I blushed and Eleazaar chuckled the hardest, as it was his words that had caused this latest round of modesty from me._

"_I'm very surprised, to be honest, by all of your kind words," I said as I looked at everyone's face, yet when I reached Demitri's, it was his I stayed focused on as I spoke the next words, "but I will try to accept, with grace, everything that has been said today and discussed. I feel that this is a good opportunity for me and would like to give this a trial run…if you will. See where this goes and if our personalities will work well together?"_

"_What are you saying, Isabella?" Laurent questioned._

"_I'm saying that I would love to work with you all, but first I will need to have someone else look at the contract. Once that is done and all sides are happy…not just me… I would love to give this a go…a trial. Honestly, I believe you guys could help me hone my craft and develop it, but I would like to be sure before I sign on that dotted line."_

"_I can work with that," Eleazaar quickly answered and the other two nodded in agreement._

"_Also, I want to have complete control creatively…I write…I sing…all me. I don't want to be created in a lab and plucked and shaped into what you believe I should be…not what I am."_

"_Fair enough, little one, you get your chance to prove to me this is the right way to go…blow me away and you will have all the control…agreed?"_

"_Agreed."_

And so we ran the test run that lasted all of two weeks…they loved what I brought to the table and everything I had written for myself during those trying times where I was lost.

Demitri stood by my side and fought for me when others attempted to meddle or require my image to change or be 'enhanced,' as they tried to call it…Lauren had a few choice words for that image consultant that left the poor girl in tears.

Peter was a godsend with the whirlwind of planning, meetings and nights of seeing nothing but the four walls of the recording studio they had rented solely for me in town…I refused to go to New York as they had asked, citing that I would need my friends and family close.

Plus, I was still determined to continue on with my schooling before I became Marie.

That's another thing they tried to fight me on…the name change.

"_Isabella is a beautiful name, little one, and so marketable,"_ Eleazaar tried to reason to no avail.

"I want to start fresh Eli," I began for the thousandth time today…the old man was just as stubborn as I was. "Isabella has a past that I want to distance myself from and keep completely separate from who I will now be…no negativity …just me and my new life…please understand."

He relented, though he never let me hear the end of it, but he loved me as a daughter and treated me as such, always saying…

"I could never say no to you, little one…you're going to give me gray hairs." I laughed and he joined in. I n his eyes, if you couldn't beat me…you joined the bandwagon.

Months passed and everything was set to be released soon, yet I had one major obstacle to face first…the performance I was about to nail…and nail I did.

The crowd sang along with the one song we had previously released to the media to gauge their response. Hands rose up high in the air, voices overriding mine as they sang along and tears of joy…shock… running down my cheeks.

Best night of my life thus far.

Demetri stood right off the exit to the stage as I exited and immediately engulfed me in his strong and warm arms. I killed it that night as I sang mine and Edward's song…bittersweet really, if you think about it. Here I am… young, jaded and now adored by many, at least that's what all the celebrity media, newspapers columns and blogs immediately began to report as I stepped off of that stage.

I mattered…I was special…not replaceable as he had made me to believe.

**So we have a few new characters amongst us… most importantly Demetri, who will be very important in Bella's life from here on out. What will be the nature of their relationship is yet to be determined…just trust me folks and hang on, the fun is just beginning.**

**See you guy's next update…**

**Massy **


	19. Chapter 19

**To all my readers…you guys rock and I love you all more, than you could ever imagine.**

**To my team…no words my loves…no words.**

**Twilight isn't mine.**

Chapter 16

Bella's POV

Song for Chapter:

Secrets by OneRepublic

_Six years of writing my pain…_

Over the course of the next year, I constantly found myself dumbfounded by what others saw in me.

The compliments when backstage at concerts or media shows, the way the men fell over themselves to get an autograph or a picture with me…it was surreal.

When I was younger, and before tornado Edward Cullen entered my life, I was secure in my own skin. To me, and everyone else around, I was happy and lived in a stable loving environment…he changed and robbed me of my security.

It wasn't until I met Lauren and Peter that I began to live again…it wasn't until my parents and I reconnected that I learned to breathe and it wasn't until the wonderful people of Twilight Recordings made me into this new and improved Bella, that I began to see the world for what it was again…beautiful.

Every city we arrived in had hundreds of people chanting my name and wanting to see me…not Edward or his family…not Jessica or Angela…just me.

I mattered.

Tonight we were scheduled to perform in the Mandalay Bay Event Center to a sold out show. My mind still couldn't completely grasp the fact that my concert had sold out within minutes, but with the way I had sold a million copies of my CD within the first weekend it had been out, I guess it should have been common sense.

"Are you nervous for tonight, B?" my girl and confidant, Lauren, asked with perceptive eyes.

"Not so much nerves as overwhelmed and still not believing this is all happening to me… a few years ago I was drowning and now it looks from the outside if I have everything I could ever want and more."

"What are you missing, B?"

"Love."

"But we love you…every single one of us," she claimed with a teary smile. Lauren knew what I was referring to and I still, to this day, believe that she thinks it was her job to help me find that happiness she found in Peter.

Maybe someday I would have a Peter of my own…maybe I had already met him and only time would show me his true colors and intentions, but as of that moment he still hadn't arrived.

It was hard for me to trust others.

Be it with my self-worth or the love others bestowed upon me, I began to believe it was all fake and only there because they wished to gain something from me.

Hours upon hours of pain laid down for them to dissect, yet they had not once had something bad to say or even comment on how 'I should just move the fuck on,' like so many before them had.

I wasn't upset by these thoughts and had made peace with myself and him…it hadn't been easy but old wounds close and scab, however gentle pressure can open them right back up without so much as a warning.

Perfect example of this theory was the night I was holed up with Demitri last week in the studio… we had become closer as the weeks turned to months.

"_Bella, when are you finally just going to give in and admit that you love me…that you want to marry me and have my incredibly beautiful children?"_

_He was just being himself and trying to crack a joke or put a dent in my armor. We had been slaving over my material for hours now and with every new line or hook we discovered I had become so morose. Barely speaking or trying to deny the hurt that lay dormant beneath each syllable I wrote._

_I wanted to laugh at his assessment and deny him, tell him that I wasn't attracted, but that would also be a lie…he had wormed himself into my dead and cold heart_

_He noticed my change in demeanor and began to apologize…_

"_I'm sorry Bella…please don't be upset with me. You know I like you…fuck that, I adore you! I wish I could take away all that pain you hide and carry…I wish I could take it all away and just fill your days with happiness and eventually, love."_

_I gasped and scrambled to get up._

"_I can't Demitri," I plead and his defeated face broke me in two…I knew what it was like to be in his shoes…what it was like to feel unwanted by the one you loved, but I couldn't lie to him or myself."_

"_I know," he whispered and began to get up to leave._

"_Please don't hate me, Dem…please," I begged, afraid to once again be abandoned._

"_Oh Bella," he exclaimed and held me to his large and masculine frame. Maybe if we had met when I was healed or maybe if I trusted myself enough to be his one and only…I could give in, but the fear that _Edward_ put in me wouldn't lie dormant or die._

_I could literally spend months without so much as a thought about the bastard…forgetting all he caused and continued to cause with his harsh parting words. All it would take was one smile from the opposite sex or a flirty exchange and all that insecurity would resurface…burying me again in those moments from the past._

"_I could kill him for what he did to you sweet heart, but I will be patient Bella…I will win your heart and eventually make you mine. He lost you, not you him…he wasn't worthy babe, but I vow to be."_

"_What if I can't Dem…then what?"_

"_Then I will wait however long is needed B…however long."_

Little did I know that he meant every word.

He was patient and caring along with gentle and understanding…perfect, but still not _him_.

That was over six moths ago.

It had taken me so long to reach the point where reading what happened to me didn't cause a flood of tears…where I didn't break.

Dem's become one of my best friends and was completely approved of by my two meddling friends. They truly believed that he could make me happy and had helped set us up on various occasions…I kind of liked it.

Our working relationship had been a complete breeze and what had been laid down in the studio, vocal and arrangement wise had blown away all the execs. Aro couldn't have been happier with what we had done and has claimed to have been 'schooled' into letting me have my way… no more arguments.

The CD was coming around fabulously and we had agreed on everything, but the cover…I was petrified by what they wanted form me. The idea of me in so little clothing…exposed, was making me break out in hives.

"_Bella, it will beautiful," Aro began, followed closely by Dem and the rest of the team._

"_It will look tasteful yet sexy…old school pin up with a twist," Leah named it._

Fuck that, I called it exposed and naked.

It took three months of begging, pleading, bribing and finally tricking for me to relent…

"_Come on in," Tanya, my new stylist, said while ushering me into a room with no mirrors or much lighting. Lauren was there too and was looking anywhere but at me…this had set up written all over it. _

"_So Bella, what's new with you and that gorgeous man meat you have wrapped around your little finger?" Lauren snickered, which earned her a glare…traitor._

"_Nothing is new…we're just friends," I honestly answered, even though a tiny, itty bitty piece of me wished it was different._

"_Bullshit," Tanya exclaimed, "You look so good together…happy and relaxed! It screams 'we are in a relationship and happy'."_

"_Well if this one," Laurie chimed in while pointing at me, "would quit pushing him away and pulled him closer, they would be just that."_

_They both exchanged looks and turned to fluff and flutter around the room._

"_Okay cut the shit…what's the hell is going on here?"_

"_Nothing," they both squeaked in unison, further raising my suspicions._

_I told them as much and they began to fidget and stumble over their sentences…this should be fun._

"_They made us do it."_

"_Said you wouldn't agree."_

"_You'd looks so hot._

"_Please."_

_Jesus! _

"_Okay from the top and leave nothing out…I mean it, talk or I walk."_

"_Bella…Bells, they just want you to try out their visual direction for the CD cover…Demitri and Aro believe this is the best way to go…you are young, beautiful and sultry and with what Tanya and they have concocted, you will embody that and so much more," Lauren looked on the verge of tears and ready to beg me at this point._

_What had my stubbornness done?_

"_Hey, hey…calm down Laurie...I'm not thrilled with having to be tricked, but I'm not mad and I understand…I put us all in this position with my stubbornness. Just understand that it's not that I want to be difficult…I'm trying I swear, but my fear and the worthlessness _he_ made me feel is hard to forget and act is if it never existed."_

"_Bella, can I say something?" Tanya slowly approached me as if I was a wounded animal, ready to bolt at the slightest sudden movement. _

_I nodded._

"_Sweetie, I have no idea what happened to you or what caused you to see yourself as anything but beautiful," I scoffed…she glared. "But contrary to what you believe, you are just that…a beauty. You have a solid heart and hard work ethics…you stand your ground and refuse to be trampled on by the big wigs in this company…that required balls."_

"_I say the same thing daily but she just ignores and refuses to see what we all do. She doesn't realize that she is more than just a voice or face…she is the entire package," Lauren added with a small chuckle. _

_I couldn't help it and let my own giggle at the flattery these two were force feeding me._

"_Okay…okay…I give up dammit!"_

_They squealed and began to talk shop non stop as if I wasn't even in the room…_

"_Seems you finally gave in…if now I could only convince you to love me," a smooth voice whispered in my ear, causing me to scream and playfully hit then hug the one responsible._

"_You sneaky fucker…using my best friend against me," I mock glared, causing him to laugh and wrap his arms around my midriff._

"_I did what I had to do sweetheart." My eyes snapped to his in confusion, then anger…was this a game to him…just a ploy to get what he wanted?_

"_Stop it, B…I'm not him." My anger deflated as I watched his eyes become sad…fuck!_

"_I'm sorry Demitri, but your words weren't framed in the best light…it sounded as if you were using them to get your gain and not consider how I felt…you sounded so much like someone I once knew."_

"_Well, I'm not and the only thing we are doing here is trying clothing on…nothing more! All we want, is for you to see what we do and open those closed off eyes…let you see the powerful and lovable woman that stands proudly before us, fighting tooth and nail for what she believes…the woman we all love."_

"_Okay," I conceded and his once gloomy features softened and a small genuine smile appeared._

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Lets do this shit then," he called out towards the traitor and her new accomplice…I had a feeling Tanya and I would become friends and she would play a major part in my becoming Marie…a self assured, beautiful vixen who was afraid of no one._

"_Are you positive, B?" Laurie asked and I smiled…yeah I was ready for this and more._

We spent the remaining hours that afternoon trying on different outfits and learning what looked right and what was ridiculous…I actually had fun.

We all conceded on this bathing-suit type garment that had a sweetheart neckline and was strapless. It was a black one piece and looked painted on… it molded to my every curve and made me feel sexy.

It was perfect.

With it, we paired a big top hat in black and white striping and dramatic red lips.

I looked like a modern day pin-up girl and loved it.

The photo shoot went off without a hitch and all the clothing changes looked wonderful on my petite form. I now understood what all the hype was about when it came to working with the right stylist and right team. I couldn't have done this without her and asked that Tanya be hired on a permanent basis to work with me…she was thrilled and after the shoot, came out with me and Laurie for drinks.

It was the start of a beautiful relationship.

The following months after the shoot, the CD was ready for distribution and I was booked on The Tonight Show for my first major performance…I won't say that I wasn't deathly afraid of getting booed or that my stomach didn't threaten to revolt against me moments before the stage hand came to get me, but what I will say is that it was all worth it.

It might have been a long road to get here…I might have suffered through more than someone my age should when it comes to matters of the heart, but it had made me who I was and who many revered as a strong independent woman.

**We are almost there folks …the prologue is almost within our grasp! My next two chapters are going to be…surprising, as someone we haven't heard too much from, will be coming into play. **

**Bella will be getting a very surprising visit.**

**I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by next month…currently I'm so swamped with charity pieces and a brand new drabble named Light My Fire that has taken over my brain.**

**Lastly…**

**We are all saddened by the loss of our fellow Twi sister Gisela...there are many of us here in the fandom rallying to help in any way we can. I will be personally donating an outtake from It Isn't Over Yet and this one will be all Esme POV.****..Please consider donating. A little as five dollars could help this family out with the amounting bills that a funeral leaves behind. The list of authors contributing is astounding and worth every cent you donate. To find out how you can help, please check out the Blog… just remove the spaces.**

**Fandom 4 twifang . Blogspot . com **


	20. Chapter 20

**Well this took me a bit, sorry for the massively long wait, but unfortunately it wont get better until I finish UISY which updated this week and is only three chapters away from wrapping up…also my drabble LMF has taken a mind of its own and is well on its way to be 150 to maybe 180 chapters in length. **

**Once those two are complete, I will have more time to dedicate to this and my original that I officially began writing yesterday! It's an exciting time for me as so many wonderful things are happening in my RL and on my fanfic one too. I want to take a moment and thank you all for the wonderful reviews, pm's and pimpage you give this and all of my fics…it means the world to me.**

**If you wish to stay up to date on this story and all my others join me on face book…group name is Massy's Minions and the my name is Reyes One-three nine, hope to see you over in my hood.**

**Twilight isn't mine.**

**Chapter 17**

**Bella's POV**

**Song for chapter:**

_**Elements by A Fine Frenzy**_

_You show up like a hurricane, all hungry-eyed and weather-stained__  
><em>_The clock forgets to tick and I the same__I died the day you disappeared, so why would you be welcome here?__  
><em>_Ride the wind that brought you back away__No you can't come in__  
><em>_No you can't come in__I cannot stop my rebel hands from pulling out the pots and pans__  
><em>_I left you in the cold until you shook__You're gentle now, but I recall__  
><em>_Both tender fire and bitter squall__  
><em>_A history so deep it hurts to look__No you can't come in__  
><em>_No you can't come in__  
><em>_No you can't__  
><em>_You can't come in_

_A year flies in a blink of an eye..._

The seventh and eighth year were eye opening in so many ways for everyone involved with my album's release and tour. I was still a bit apprehensive about the meeting of new people, seeing the country and accepting the love of the fans ... my fans.

It was a slow process in the beginning, but with each day that passed, the entire situation became easier and easier for me to handle.

The posters at every airport held up high by people there to see _me_, the signing and venues ... it was amazing and so fulfilling, yet at the same time it was incredibly nerve wracking as I struggled to keep my head held high and not show everyone how hard it really was for me to accept all the accolades and positive critiques bestowed upon me, it was humbling and so much to live up to.

It warmed my heart and made me feel important every time one of them would reach out to me with a smile or tear on their face and beg for my signature on anything they could find.

From ticket stubs, shirts ... even a bra or two from women that found me, l'il Isabella Marie Swan … sexy.

"Can you believe how fast this year has gone by?" Laurie sighed while braiding my hair. We were set to leave the following morning for Miami, Florida. We had a show there at the Van Dykes Jazz Club and it was set to be a packed house. The promoters and club owners were begging for an extra show ... claiming the demand was too high to satisfy the masses with just one.

I would have gladly agreed to it, been happy to oblige my fans and give them a bit back of what they gave to me, but I couldn't. Would it not have been for the fact that the Cullen family still lived there, I would have happily agreed. Demetri had informed me of this before the venue's performance was booked; he knew everything, every last detail as I had opened up to him after our first, and thus far, only date.

He deserved the truth. The whole truth, even if it caused me embarrassment.

I recanted my adolescent years to him in their entirety, how I had let my naive heart get trampled on a by a boy who never cared and only used. How his family shunned me and helped destroy my fragile teenage self worth.

He was murderous as I explained the fashion in which Edward had broken my heart. Demetri cared for me, wanted to be with me, but he was sympathetic towards my yearning to rediscover the girl I had lost and the one I was currently embracing.

"I won't give up, beautiful," he whispered as he dropped me back off at the hotel that night, his lips placing a tender chaste kiss on mine before walking away and back to his room.

It was the first time in six years I yearned for another's touch.

To this day we hadn't picked up where we left off, but I knew we would soon ... I could feel it with every sly glance we threw each other or the gentle flutter of wings that erupted with each hug he gave me.

This performance and venue were symbolizing my rebirth and the chance to finally leave _him _behind.

I wanted to start anew ... give love a chance.

"I know," I simply answered Laurie before staring out into the huge floor to ceiling windows that dominated the living room. "So much has happened … changed. We were kids, L ... children. Growing and trying to cope with the misguided perceptions of what we should have been and what we were. Not skinny enough, not fitting into certain molds and completely heartbroken. So much thrown our way..."

"Yet we survived and look at us now. You, my dear, are hot, young, successful and with a promising career ahead of her. Not to mention that you have legions of men and women ready to do your bidding!" Her eyebrows waggled as she said this and I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped me.

"My bidding, really Lauren? What the hell am I? An evil genius ... Pinky and the Brain style?"

"I call Pinky!" we both yelled at the same, causing us to erupt in giggles and release some of the tension that had manifested itself into the room. This trip, this performance, was important ... we, I, couldn't regress and let them beat me again.

"You know you're successful in your own right, L?" She nodded and a small smile formed on her lips. "You've managed to make a name for yourself as one of my stylists. You and Tanya are every celebrity's dream team and are constantly hounded for consultations and help on special appearances. People are envious of how flawless you make me look … you have a gift."

"That's because the canvas is perfect."

"Oh hush!"

"So that's what you two have been up to all evening?" Peter mock glared as he stood by my suite's entrance. "Here I've been calling and moping ... feeling left out and you girls sit here laughing ... ignoring my pain." He wiped fake tears off his face before running over to the couch where we sat and diving between us.

"Ass," Lauren said before smacking his arm and kissing his lips chastely. It was so heartwarming to see them like this, carefree and content ... open and in love.

I wanted that for myself.

"Yeah, but you love me ... ass tendencies and all, sugar lips." Even she cringed at the name and before he knew it, he was getting his ass kicked in a cushion war. We rained blows on him, leaving him scrambling for cover and begging for mercy.

"Never," L huffed, slightly out of breath, "Call me that again, dingus … just ewww!"

"Okay, oka y ...I give," he yelled over our laughter and then tackled us both. With an "umph" from me, a "What the?" from her, and oh yeah … "Whose your daddy?" from Pete, we ended our game and called it a night.

Gathering his woman … his words not mine ... he left my room. She was hanging upside down on his shoulder while smacking his butt and trying to play the tune of _'Tonight I'm Fucking You_,' on his rear.

"See you tomorrow, B, get some rest and try to relax ... we are all in this together and won't let him, or any of them, get close. You are better than them and have something they never will."

"What's that?" I asked, slightly perplexed.

"My charming yet threatening ass and Lauren's "cut a bitch that hurts my best friend" tendencies. Let them try to start some shit ... I've been itching to hand them their asses on a silver platter for years. To be honest, I have wanted them to see you and eat every single insult or harsh word they threw your way. Let them see what you've become and what they never will be ... fuck them!"

"Amen baby ... couldn't have said it better myself," Lauren added and with those parting words they left. Leaving me to contemplate Pete's wise words and leaving me with two choice words for that clan.

_Fuck them._

It had been two days since we touched down at Miami International Airport. The city was a buzz with news of our arrival ... news papers, TV stations and fans all showing up to welcome me to their city with open arms.

So far we have done everything from radio interviews to morning and gossip/celebrity news shows … everyone asking the same string of questions ... each trying to find out what my muse was for this album, if my lyrics were personal and biographical … if there was a special person in my life.

We always tried to steer clear of those types of questions, wanting to keep my private life just that … private. I truly wished someone had informed Irina Miranda about that clause because that vulture was looking and asking about things that had absolutely nothing to do with my CD and everything to do with them, the Cullen's.

"So, Marie," smile so fake plastered on both our faces, "I heard through the grapevine that you were once engaged to this city's very own miracle doctor ... is this information true? Were you two childhood sweethearts and if so, what split you two up?" I almost lunged at her.

She was lucky that Tanya actually stepped in, in time; she wanted to touch up my forehead, claiming the lighting was making my make up shine look to shiny on camera.

"Breathe, Bella … breathe." Her eyes were on fire as she attempted to calm my frazzled nerves. _How dare this fucking woman ask me about him … how the fuck did she even know?_ "Laurie is taking care of her, let her tear Irina and her producers a new one. Dem is on the phone with Aro, who is furious by the way and threatening to pull. Just breath sweetie ... breathe. Everything will be alright."

It took a while for me to calm myself, it also took a while for my crew to settle this mess and get our demands met, much to Irina's displeasure. They were claiming to have proof, claiming a credible source had come to them exclusively and was giving them the go on running this story first.

I threatened or better yet, Aro threatened to sue for slander, they became nervous at this as the golden story they were desperate for began to slip through their fingers. Edward and I were never engaged, we'd talked about one day being so, but never managed to reach that plateau in our relationship.

We were adamant in our contracts with each station and reporter that personal questions of this nature were not permitted. I was not to be pulled into gossip or rating wars over bullshit stories … I was just here to celebrate my music and promote the charity event the label was holding.

Nothing more.

"What is she hiding?" I heard the vapid troll screech as her producers threatened to send her home and have someone else conduct the interview. "It has to be true if this is her management's reaction … she would have been Mrs. Edward Cullen and wants to hide it … why? Unless he cheated or broke her heart … she probably wasn't enough to hold him then or now ... she isn't even that pretty or talented if you ask me."

"Enough!" Dem growled as he stalked over to where they stood within hearing range of the entire crew and cast. "Who the fuck do you think you are to speak to or about my client in such a disrespectful manner, huh? Lady, you run a gossip show on a local access channel, this isn't E News or Entertainment Tonight, just shut the fuck up. You know what, fuck this," his fists were clenched and his nostrils flaring as he barely contained his ire, "Interview is done … run anything negative and we sue … don't fuck with us," he spat before walking back over to me, L and Tanya.

"We're done," he simply said before taking hold of my hands, something that wasn't missed by everyone in the room, and pulling me out of the studio.

"Well, well, well," a voice I knew all too well cackled close to where we exited the building. "Never thought I'd see the day where insignificant little Isabella Swan, or should I now call you Marie now?" I stood frozen as she spoke, the years gently passing her by … her hair the same caramel color that drove me wild about her son. Eyes so green and full of envy … looking at me from head to toe and back up again, "Coming back to where we reside and not coming over for a visit." Each word leaving her lips felt like a slap to the face, this bitch only cared about herself ... I saw that clearly now, how could I have been so blind?

"Who the fuck are_ you_?" Laurie sneered, her body coming between mine and Esme's … keeping me safe and away from this part of my life I never wanted to cross paths with again.

"None of your business, little girl, this," she said while pointing her manicured finger between me and her, "is a family matter … she was once my son's fiancé and I have every right to see her and demand to know why she broke his heart." I gasped at her absurdity and as I replayed the words coming out of her mouth on loop, my blood boiled and my anger soared.

"How fucking dare you!" I screeched, moving forward and pushing L out of my way. I wanted to punch her ... wipe the cocky smile right off her snotty face. "I was never his fiancé; never anything more than a play thing ... you fucking people used me then left me to rot ..."

"That is not true, Isabella... we loved -" I released a cruel and dark laugh as the word 'loved' escaped her lips. They didn't know how to love.

"Cut the shit, Esme, and tell me what you want ... why are you approaching me and selling fake news to this low class show? What the fuck do you want?"

"I'm here to make a deal, my dear."

"There is nothing I would ever want from any of you."

"Edward," my blood ran cold when she said his name, "I will give him back to you, make you his wife if you make me your manager." Dem, Laurie and I stood there speechless and astounded by the balls on this woman. What would ever possess her to think that I would want her, them, anywhere near me.

"No."

"No? Are you sure?" Was I? I couldn't think straight … so many emotions running through and confusing me. "Bella, I'm offering you something you would never have again without my approval ... my son. His marriage to Jane is tanking along with her family's' company, she is no longer of any use to me, but you could be. I will not be dragged down with them, nor will I help bail them out. You make me a part of your team and I'll help you get him back ... you love him still, I know you do. You could have him in your arms every day ... in your bed at night, in your life. Think about it ... usher me into the celebrity social circle and I'll give you my son back."

I still couldn't believe she had the audacity to say any of this ... was her son a puppet or a man?

"Bella, this family is a joke ... fuck that, they are a waste. Let's go, baby... fuck them, we have places to be and a concert to prepare for, don't waste anymore of your time on the trash you left behind years ago," Dem begged and I agreed.

The last eight years had all been leading to this moment, a moment that tasted so good and was more than I'd ever hoped for. Reaching up, I laid a tiny kiss on Dem's cheek and turned to face my ex's mother.

"Esme, dear," I said in the sweetest tone I could muster without faltering; "I don't think that I need to spend any time thinking about your proposition. You are offering me something I wanted in the_ past_ and with that being said…"

Her smile was smug and her eyes bright with confidence...

"Fuck you and fuck no!"

**Leave me some sugar...**


	21. Chapter 21

**Penname: Reyes139**

**Outtake from: It Isn't Over Yet**

**Title: Money, Power…Respect.**

**Word Count: 1922**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine…**

**Summary: When I was a young girl I had one conversation with my father's whore that changed the course of my entire life. It took her only fifteen minutes to destroy everything my mother had implanted within my head…all her teachings, advice and standards by which she raised me and my ****sister to live by…gone**.

Esme's POV

Money, power and respect have been the three words, which I have lived my life by.

My motto.

Those three simple words hold such meaning behind them and are desired by all...no one, and I mean no one, could deny the certain allure they have.

Money…such a frivolous thing if you think about it...its a piece a of paper or a disc of metal...things that are in abundance in this life, yet the one's that control this certain 'type' of them, rule the world.

This is where power comes into play… we all want it…crave it, but very few ever hold it. Now find a human with an abundance of the lucrative assests and the rest fall into play.

A man with a fortune at his feet wants for nothing and has everyone at his disposal…clawing at his robe for a piece of his soul and being able to say 'I know that man' or 'we're close friends…confidants'.

This in turn adds to the chain of respect as you are now seen as someone important by association. He still rules and reaps the fruits of little labor, but you also now benefit to the treatment of royalty.

I learned all this at such a tender age.

When I was a young girl I had one conversation with my father's whore that changed the course of my entire life. It took her only fifteen minutes to destroy everything my mother had implanted within my head…all her teachings, advice and standards by which she raised me and my sister to live by…gone.

Emily never saw things as I did so it was easy for her to live up to mother's expectations.

Good grades.

Be demure.

Obey your spouse and forgive his misgivings.

Our mother was aware of fathers on the side flavors' and how each new tryst drained his bank accounts.

He would escape her futile attempts at putting her foot down with a quick slap to the face and by questioning her morals. Words like worthless, stupid and ignorant would be thrown around by him…he was poisoning her, but she was too afraid…too submissive to his 'I am male, hear me roar' demands.

I can still remember that day as if it were yesterday. We were all going out to dinner as a family, which in of itself was strange…he never took her out or cared about her happiness. She automatically squealed with happiness and began to believe that this outing was due to more than yet another lesson he was handing out to us…yes, he wanted his girls to see her for the pathetic woman she truly was.

Our table was located within the heart of the restaurant, where anyone and everyone would see what was about to go down. He was a sadistic asshole when it came to his treatment of the woman who'd given him children and a home.

My father sat at the head of the table with each of us girls by his side.

My mother was saddened by this, yet never spoke a word of her hurt.

We had been sitting for about thirty minutes…appetizer ordered by that point and barely placed on the table, when she showed up and sat atop my father's lap.

His prized whore in all her glory.

The entire room became quiet…

I wanted to reach over and pry her from atop of him, but at seeing _her_ indifference, I stopped. How could she just allow this… allow this form of embarrassment and judgment from everyone within the vicinity and do nothing?

"Mother!" I exclaimed…hoping she would do something…anything, but yet again she remained immobile, withdrawn... small. My mother looked the other way…not willing to see what we all did.

She wasn't loved or treasured...just used.

He was publicly announcing his mistress and welcoming her out in public.

Wiping her eyes every few minutes and sniffling was how she spent the entire introductory to us…no protest of keeping us out and away from his whore. No indignation or anger…nothing.

I was so disappointed and disgusted by it all.

My heart was broken for her and for us, '_Our family will never be the same after this_,' my young mind pondered.

"Girls," my father called to us with a soft dulcet tone that was rarely heard of within my mother's presence, "I would like you two to meet the love of my life…this young woman is everything to me and as such I am going to need both of you to show her nothing but respect," he paused, waiting for some sort of acknowledgment.

We nodded in unison.

"Good…this is Maria, girls, and she has been dying to meet you both," he said while she nodded with glee and happiness written all over her face.

That was more emotion than we were used to, but while my sister hid from it…I grabbed onto it and let it replace the coldness my mother had embedded within my bones.

She was funny and pretty…showing more skin that I had ever seen any of my mother's friends or society snobs wear. Her laughter was like bells chiming in a church and her persona was exuberant and a breath of fresh air.

I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

"You girls are absolutely beautiful," she would gush every few minutes and I loved the attention…mother was never one for emotional displays of affection, but here this stranger…my father's mistress, was giving me exactly what I was starving for.

I smiled at her genuinely and my father beamed at us…well, us as in me and Maria because Emily turned her back on us. She moved her chair rudely over towards our mother and only politely nodded in our direction…her loss.

"I think you're beautiful and nice…I hope you can come over and play with me sometime." A glass fell over and the table cloth was soaked with water. A trail of liquid running down the center of the table, towards my father's direction…straight towards their laps.

"What the fuck?" Maria screeched as the cold liquid covered her lap and seeped through the fabric of her slinky dress.

"Katherine…what the hell is your problem woman?" Father yelled.

"W-was an a-accident," she stuttered while they shot daggers in her direction.

"I see now why you had to look elsewhere when that is what you have at home," Maria sneered while my father rubbed her back soothingly and cooed into her ear. He was being completely tender with her…attempting to clean up the mess now created by my mothers jealousy, but it was too late to show emotion now.

What was done was done and it was all her fault…she should have taken this woman by the hair when she first sat atop him. She should have demanded respect and made him look like the asshole he truly was towards her.

But she didn't and now…

"Girls, we are leaving," mother said after minutes of silence and uncomfortable eating.

"No," my father yelled and she looked taken aback…he never wanted us around his friends for long and with this being his whore; we believed it would be the same.

"But Marcus," she exclaimed with an indignant tone.

"But nothing…you want to leave…leave, the girls stay and we will enjoy a true family meal together without your misery to pull us down."

"How dare you, Marcus! How dare you put me in this position in front of my daughters?"

"How dare I...how dare I! Do you know how long I've longed to have someone warm, soft and loving by my side...instead all I got was a frigid bitch, with baggage and a 'holier than thou' attitude!"

My mother gasped...face now red and mouth set in a firm line.

"Girls, I said lets go." Emily stood at once, putting her hand in our mothers and signed her solidarity with the woman who had given birth to us.

I stayed put.

"Esme, over here now," she spat between clenched teeth yet her eyes were solely for the man before her...the man she loved and had lost.

Reluctantly I stood up and went to her side after my father nodded in approval at me. I was mere steps away from mother...a name that now leaves a sour taste on my lips, when Maria pulled me back.

Leaning in towards my ear she whispered, "While she might consider me the whore, Chiquita, I consider her the looser and pathetic one in this equation. I get the man, kids, like you chickita, to spoil and the money...her money to be exact. Don't be weak like her...live, love and never give up. If you want it, take it...no one gets what they want without being selfish. Money, Power, Respect...remember those three simple words...embrace them, love them and do whatever it takes to get them."

I never saw the world the same again after we left.

Kate, as I now call her, was quiet and lost in her head...Emily tried several times to comfort her, but our 'mother' roughly pushed her away while screaming and I quote...

"Leave me the fuck alone...I blame you two, before you two I was sexy to him...beautiful. Now,_ now_ he's disgusted by my figure and the marks you two left behind...I hate you both!"

Emily cried into my shoulder while I simply stared her down.

How dare she blame us?

"Kinda late to act furious, dont you think mother? Why not show him that fury at the restaurant...why not direct it at Maria?" I said snidely.

Emily looked scared as mother made a move to lunge at me, but one word...one threat stopped her in her tracks.

"Touch us and I tell them about this and the problems you seem to have with that white little tablet you always seem to need."

"You wouldn't...I'm your mother!"

"Try me."

That was my very first taste of power and at the tender age of fourteen ...I wanted more.

Soon it became blackmailing, using my appeal and innocent eyes to have boys do my bidding. Teachers were afraid of who my father was and by association...me.

I became ruthless when it came to getting what I wanted...always succeeding.

As they years passed and I turned older, I met a man. He was wonderful…charming, loving and had more money than I knew what to do with. He fed my need for luxury and I gave him what he coveted the most…children.

Now that I had children of my own, it continued and I passed my words of wisdom along to my pride and joy.

Edward was just like me...hungry, determined… and ruthless. I witnessed, under the cover of the trees, what he did to Isabella and rejoiced in his spitefulness.

He made me proud!

He cut wounds so deep I don't think she would ever recover...not that she was much to begin with, but the low which he left her in was astounding.

If you ask me, the little insignificant whore deserved it for believing she was worth my son's time...she was the daughter of a measly sheriff...nothing more.

Useful while we lived there as he would bever suspect me to be involved in illegal dealings, but now...she was dispensible. They had their fun...their first love, which truthfully scared me, but I knew my boy wouldn't let me down.

Because of him I continue to have the Money, Power and Respect I've always deserved and will continue to have.

No one will ever get in my way...I'll kill them first.

**AN: So this is a tiny heads up… I will not be posting another update until December. I have to get my house ready for Thanksgiving and I will also be away for a week in Vegas with some friends this month. I just don't have the time this month for writing and need to focus on my home. The good news is that starting December I can get back to writing and already have the general idea of what is going to happen i8n the next chapter. **

**In the mean time here's a little spoiler… it will be in Edward's POV!**

**Happy Thanksgiving and see you all soon,**

**Massy/reyes139**


	22. Chapter 22

**Important A/N**

**I would like to start this note off by wishing everyone a happy New Year. Second, I would like to apologize for the excessive wait this chapter has had, but like with all my stories they were put on hold. I took a hiatus due to some rather rude and frankly bitchy reviews on my drabble LMF that left a sour taste in my mouth. I needed to walk away and clear my head, get my mojo back and remember why I love this fandom like the crazy. **

**Good thing too because this time away has helped me begin my own original that is well on its way to being half way written. I finished a O/S for you guys and it's on my profile- of course its B and E and with some stalking and sexy lemons involved. And lastly I have this update and one for my first story that is almost completed… so the break was good for me in a way. With that being said, I'm still not 100 percent back- there are still have some things I have to accomplish, like my book, before my updates return to normal. **

**Just remember that I will never leave anything I started without being finished and that I am not going anywhere any time soon or ever.**

**Rachel I love you and thanks for all the help, I am honored to call you a friend and get ready to kick some major literary butt!**

**Twilight isn't mine.**

**Chapter 18**

**Edward's POV**

**Song for Chapter : What I've Done by Linkin Park**

Isabella, my Bella, or Marie as she now likes to be called is in town today, and causing quite a stir within her fans – this one included. It has been a blessing and a curse; my greatest wishes and fears watching her, following every career move, and the speculations surrounding this amazing debut album.

I remember that fateful day that her first single was released as if it were yesterday; it was to have been a busy morning for me and everything thus far had gone from bad to worse. The alarm never went off leaving me to run around like a chicken with its head cut off as I rushed through my usual routine in order to make it to an important consult that morning. The insipid bitch I called a wife once again forgot to pick up my dry cleaning. Jane's refusal and straight up neglect to do any manual labor – as she so condescendingly referred to it – made me extra late as I had to call in the local cleaners' owner and add a hefty tip in order to get my items delivered.

It's not like I didn't have another suit to wear or lab coat to use, but being such a puppet in the hands of others left me a bit predisposed to OCD habit. I controlled what I could – what was left for me to grasp and keep under my discretion anyways.

My mood soured with every minute that I had to relent to the hands of my wife's idiocy; already the vapid vulture was off to the country club with her friends and my mother, a routine that had stayed with these socialites since birth: spending money that wasn't theirs.

It is a well-known fact that the women in these parts were barely human anymore; their bodies implanted with so much Botox, plastic, and silicone that they would float easily.

Beauty had long lost its realistic views and had become such a byproduct of what this money hungry society dictated.

That was one of the things I loved about the girl I knew as Bella: she never cared or focused her attention on trends or looks, with her it was all natural and enhanced by the pureness in her heart. So many nights I had tried to find a smidgen of my Bella's beauty in Jane and have come out emptier than when I began. There will never be another as she; my Isabella was one of a kind.

As I made my way through Miami's heavy morning traffic on that particular day, I found myself playing a radio station that wasn't my norm. I was usually too caught up in my own head to deal with what was popular. Typically I listened to a more serious news programs that kept me up to date with what was current here at home and around our globe, but today . . . today everything had been backward.

My fingers gingerly reached over to press the preset number one on my radio console and instead of the stuffy anchor/DJ I was accustomed too, I got her: my greatest torment and love.

The melody was haunting and dark – so much passion and pain. My heart ached; my palms began to sweat because I knew it was her. Isabella always had such a beautiful voice. Once upon a time before my stupidity took over we would spend so many hours laying on the beach with our iPods singing to the other, sharing in song how we felt and wanted.

I couldn't help it, my reaction was to reach out and caress that console as if it were her – my foot slammed on the brakes with all its might and my eyes focused on the blinking lights telling me it wasn't Bella near me but her singing through my speakers.

The sudden impact and jolt brought me back to the present and away from my beloved's enchanting voice. I had rear ended a transport van when my mind and eyes left reality and transported back to those days of our youth – all smiles and love coming through every photograph that began to play like a highlight reel of my greatest achievements.

Thankfully, we had all begun to gradually slow down as the traffic became hectic and over crowded on the highway. To my delight, and the other driver's, we were both okay with no scratches or cuts to be found. His cargo van had been emptied an hour prior and the only thing to fix now was a minor dent my Volvo created toward the left hand brake light.

His neck seemed to be my main concern as mine felt stiff and was sure to ache later. We exchanged information rapidly, and after checking with him a final time to make sure he was okay, we were on our way.

Jairo, the driver, promised to come by my office if he felt off and was in any kind of pain . . . it was the least I could do after all. It was completely my fault that he was enduring this uncomfortable moment. As I drove off toward my new destination – an auto body shop owned by my brother's wife – I couldn't help but smile despite my hurt. My butterfly had spread her wings. She was there, alive and happy, letting me watch from afar as she flourished and grew into the amazing woman I'd always known deep down she would become.

Her plane touched down an hour ago bringing her closer to me yet staying completely out of my grasp. She had a sold out appearance to perform at the local jazz club, Van Dykes, on South Beach. From what had been said with all the promotion thrown out, this concert would be in celebration of the all-acoustic album version of _Pain is Love_ that would go on sale Tuesday.

I wasn't embarrassed to say that I already owned the original and had pre-ordered this newer version. It was her sweet and seductive tones that had helped me find peace and comfort every night.

Of course Jane didn't have the slightest clue as to who Bella was, and is, in my life or the space she occupied in my heart, but that didn't stop her from criticizing her biggest threat at every turn.

"_Oh, for fuck sake, Edward, turn that shit off already!"_ Jane would screech on those nights that she attempted to infiltrate my sleeping quarters. Yes, that's right; we slept apart and had been for quite some time. It was all her doing that had caused the even bigger riff between us to explode and become the crater of hate on my behalf that kept us this apart.

It was amusing to say the least to watch the overbearing plastic woman become jealous and filled with indignation at my refusal of her advances and wishes. Sure, she still wore my name and used my pockets to fulfill her every wish as daddy's company was in the tanker thanks to some horrible side effects one prescribed med for anxiety had. Those lawsuits began to roll in, and his money – and that of his overpaid board members – went right with it.

Mother had been upset when the news broke at first, and she began to talk bad about the family she'd adored while they were still rich; it was like Naples all over again. This time though it wasn't her words that pushed my marriage to shambles or made me hate the woman I vowed before God to put up with because truly, I'd never loved her.

No, what pushed us into the state we now found ourselves in was her lying and selfishness.

Exactly two months after her father came to me and explained the situation he now found himself in, she killed our child. Everything was going down the drain quickly as their pharmaceutical company hit rock bottom. Jane complained constantly about feeling sick and bloated, how certain smells made her nauseous, and that her pants began to feel constricted. My years in training kicked in rather fast.

Within the hour I had her set up for blood work. Sure it had taken a phone call to a colleague in the OB-GYN department at the hospital, a few arguments with Jane stating it was all stress related and my refusal to give up and then we were on our way.

She was two months pregnant and had no idea.

Jane was a woman ruled by looks and the perceptions of others toward her. She was angry about the pregnancy, but promised me that she wouldn't do anything rash. However, after a week of begging and a lot of my money donated toward the survival of her family's legacy, she had an abortion anyways.

Stupid, stupid whore.

She never left the city or even attempted to hide what she was doing. My mother and sister who rarely had the chance to eat or spend any time together had met that day by chance at Benihana for Mai-Tais and lunch, and Jane was there. Of course the dumber-than-rocks blonde would head over to my family's table and kiss ass to the matriarch of this family. They could tell something was off with her; she laughed it off with a grimace on her face and had excused herself to the bathrooms, leaving her purse behind.

Alice was furious when she discovered the release and aftercare papers from the clinic she'd attended to have the procedure done. I will never forget the hate she spewed, and my mother having to physically restrain her as I'd heard it all over the phone: Jane was in tears, my mother warning Alice to behave and stop making a scene and Alice, well, she'd been seconds away from using the chef's cleaver to chop the bitch to pieces.

Was it wrong for my sister to snoop? Maybe, but what the bitch had done was far worse in my opinion. My wrath had left her in tears and on her father's doorstep as I refused to look at her for weeks.

Aro was ashamed and irate when he discovered her out in the rain outside his porch while I drove off like a bat out of hell. He quickly changed his tune after realizing what she'd done and the money she threw away in a bloody bag for her body. I would have stuck it out with her for my child; would've made it my life's work to please the woman who had given me that miracle even if I didn't love her.

She stole my dreams from me, and killed our only chance with its death.

It was the only chance I would ever have of being a father and she stole that from me which had torn me in two. Had I forgiven her? Fuck no, and I never will, but after so much nagging and begging from the parentals in this situation I gave in and moved her back into my home.

She might reside in my home for the time being, but never again would she sleep in my bed.

It wasn't that I wanted or wished for a child with her, my dream had always been to procreate with Bella, but those chances were dead and burned to the ground with the way we parted on that sad night. Living with that reality killed me day in and day out, and as I settled for what I could have instead of what I wanted I found myself the one in shambles trying to pick myself off while Bella bloomed before this country's eyes.

"Edward," Jasper began already exasperated with me as I refused to join in on the outing he had planned for tonight. "This has to stop, bro. You cannot go through life with this kind of misery: living with a woman you despise as punishment for something you did in your youth."

"The hell I can't! You weren't there – you didn't break the one you loved... I destroyed us."

"Then own the fuck up to it and make it right. Divorce Jane!" His hand slammed down onto my desk as his anger at my pain took over.

"Edward, I'm going to ask you a question and I want the truth –"

I nodded my head in acquiescence, and waved him on as I took a sip of my then slightly cold coffee.

He had come over to my office at the hospital to offer me a chance at something I didn't deserve: the gift of seeing her even if it was from afar.

"Do you still love her?"

I was out of my seat and punching a wall before I realized what was happening. How could he even ask me that – I loved her more than life itself!

"What the fuck... How could you even ask that?" My voice was foreign to my ears, everything moving so fast and emotions I had tried to keep at bay breaking free with just the mere thought of having her close again.

"Answer me!" he yelled before grabbing my shoulders and harshly shaking me out of my never ending purgatory.

"Of course I fucking do," I croaked. "I love that girl with all my heart. Every day that passes I regret what I've done to her – I wasn't strong enough to evade the lies fed to me by Esme."

"So make it right." Jasper loved me like a brother and saw with his own eyes what the memory of those events had caused us all, especially his wife.

Ali lived with the regret of not knowing how I had purposely damaged her sister. How I lied and made her believe Alice hated her and left her behind. The guilt over something she had no control over almost driving her to the point of panic attacks whenever Isabella's name came up.

"Dammit, Edward, it's not too late. It's never too late to win back the love of your life."

"She would never forgive me." My mumble was one of dejection.

"Bullshit." His features were hard and smug. Jasper knew me too well and was aware of what really held me back.

"Your fear is keeping you locked and attached to a woman you hate," he spat at me having hated Jane and her family since the very first day my mother shoved her down my throat. "Jane is a miserable, vain, and insufferable woman who has used you for money and status."

"I left Bella because I thought she didn't belong . . ." My screaming came out deranged and full of pain. "I deserve being used by Jane. My stupidity and vanity blinded me and destroyed what I loved the most . . . us."

"Than you are dumber than I ever thought possible, Edward. I'm offering you a chance to see her; maybe if the gods are smiling down on you, the opportunity to approach her for an autograph and open the lines of communication. You owe her, Edward. You owe her an explanation and an apology! Take this chance to change your life and hers… if not a new beginning, then at the least give her the closure you denied her all these years."

Jasper was right and knew it . . .

**Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Onethree-nine and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get your extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other stories.**

**Leave me your thoughts … see you soon!**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N Hey guys *waves like a lunatic* sorry for the long wait. I could give you a thousand and one excuses and those in my group know that I have a lot going on, but I would like to take a small moment of your time to explain a few things. First off: guys trust that I know where I am taking this story. I have had the ending in mind since the very first chapter and while I do say this will have an HEA, no one knows how but me how this will all play out.**

**Second: I would like to thank you all for sticking with my craziness and slow updates. Your words of love and encouragement mean the world to me and remind me of why I love being a part of this wonderful fandom.**

**Third: I have MAJOR news! My first novella titled: **_**ARDOR**_**, will be out this summer and is the biggest reason for my slower updates. I am knee deep in second round of edits and loving every minute of it. My penname is, Elena M. Reyes and I have joined Malfunction Erotica as part of their team to release this baby. Ardor is on Goodreads so head on over and add me to your to read list!**

**Chapter 19**

**Edward's POV**

Song for chapter: _It's Been A While_ by Staind

I couldn't begin explaining to you how Jasper talked me into coming tonight. Maybe it was the guilt that I carried over how I'd broken Isabella's heart, or maybe it was the yearning I held to see her once more.

To me, it was a combination of both with a side of selfishness which pushed me to attend her event.

Alice and Jasper along with Emmett and Rosalie would also be attending tonight – every one of us was excited for different reasons, but with the same end goal in mind.

To see her shine.

My brother was coming tonight because he wanted to see the sister he'd lost, and at the time had no clue he'd hurt. It had taken a while for Emmett to see what his words had done on that night so many years ago while they'd visited. He wasn't too blame – not knowing what I had said and how his words had come across. Without wanting to, I think he had hammered the final nail on her coffin.

Though she'd never met Isabella, Rosalie shared something in common with my lost love. She was desperate to witness me fall at the feet of the woman I'd hurt. Rosalie, having had a relationship end horribly while younger – before she'd met my brother – knew what it was like to have your heart ripped out at that age. It was your typical love story gone wrong: she met a boy, fell in love, and gave him her all. All while he used her for nothing more than what was between her legs.

Rosalie still held anger inside of her, and felt connected to Isabella's pain because of it, thus dampening our relationship. She knew I was sorry, knew of my mother's influences and how my life had been manipulated because of Esme –- yet she still believed I deserve worse.

I don't blame her one bit.

Jasper, who had never been in Isabella's presence either, just wanted to see the woman both his best friend and his wife adored firsthand. For him the sun rose and set in Alice's capable hands, and any person who was special to his beloved deserved his respect and admiration.

Alice, on the other hand, wanted to celebrate her long lost best friend's success and start a hopeful reconciliation. After all, it was never her fault that there were now walls between them. If Ali had known the words I'd spoken on that retched day . . . fuck! Or the way I'd watched Bella fall apart after I basically called her replaceable in all our lives, how Alice would move on and never think of her again.

I ruined their friendship.

All because I was a coward who chose to hurt them both – my heart couldn't handle having Isabella close so Alice had to lose her too.

And finally, I was here to lie to rest any misgivings or wrongful thoughts I'd created. To lay my soul bare and show her the pitiful puppet I truly am, and was. Isabella deserved the truth: that the man she once loved was useless and wrong, to know how she has always lived in my heart, and that I would love her until the day I died.

"You ready to do this, Ed?" Alice's worried eyes spoke volumes. After confiding in her and taking her help to initiate my divorce from Jane, I was on a dangerous slope of emotions.

I was eager for it all to be over, and hopeful at the same that the she-devil would cooperate and not make a spectacle of what we were in the public's eye.

Not so much for me, but for my family. I have shamed them enough with the decisions I've made.

"Not really, but it's the right thing to do, Ali. I'm sure it won't be a warm reception – that more than likely I'll be kicked out, but I have to see her. Tell her I'm so fucking sorry for destroying myself, her, and our love." My heart involuntarily clenched as I spoke. I had no doubt in my mind that Isabella had moved on – I'd seen it with my own two eyes – but being faced with that reality once more was not something I was looking forward to.

"I'm proud of you." Alice grabbed my hands and gave them a squeeze. The shame of the position I was finding myself in hit me full force, and I pulled away as I scoffed. How could she so easily forget the friendship I'd cost her with my selfishness?

"Because you're sorry," she whispered as a lone tear escaped her eye.

"What the –" I began, but she quickly cut me off.

"Edward, it's written all over your face." Alice's compassion and her understanding were a stab to my heart. "The disgust, self-hatred, and your repent over what you and _Mother_," she sneered the last, "cost."

"Don't mention her. After the fight we had last night we are dead to each other!" So many angry words had been released; venom spewed as I'd torn into her for all she had done. Esme had become infuriated when I'd announced my divorce during dinner. Thank god for my siblings as they stood behind me, joining in when needed, and letting the woman who had given us life know how much we resented her and what she had caused in all of our lives.

Our father was a smart man for leaving her when he had.

"Do you know she had the nerve to approach Bella . . . she fucking –"

"I know, Edward. But brother, that's all in the past now. Esme can't control you. You _are_ getting divorced, and possibly mending the one relationship that mattered to you. I know you still love Bella, and even if there can't be anything romantic between the two of you, you owe it to her to be the man she thought you were and that I see dying to come out."

"Thanks, Ali. You have no idea how much everyone's support has meant to me." My arms hugged her tight. This had been a long time coming and it felt good to believe we were becoming closer once more. "I don't deserve it –" She opened her mouth, but I held my hand over her lips. "I don't, and I could never truly make up for what I cost you . . . everyone, but I'll never stop trying."

"Oh, Edward." Her arms tightened around my middle while she sniffled into my shirt. Her body shook, and tears ran down my cheeks – it felt like a wall had been torn down between us.

Not that she'd ever treated me wrongly, even though I'd deserved it. The love we held as siblings was always present, but our closeness – her trust in me – had suffered.

This felt like starting anew.

"Come on," she wiped beneath my eyes, "let's go see our Bella."

We both walked out of that room on a lighter note and full of anxiousness. We were finally, after so many years and tragedies, going to see the one woman who we missed and loved.

Everyone was quiet as we drove toward the venue. Emmett had offered to drive us in his Hummer as it was the logical choice. Our large group would never have fit comfortably in any of our respectively smaller cars.

"We'll be sitting toward the center," Jasper offhandedly remarked, and I almost had a panic attack.

Isabella would have me removed the moment she saw me. I would never have my moment to beg for forgiveness and explain.

I began to protest. "Are you insane? She'll see us and we'll be booted – well, at least I will, for sure, be tossed out!"

"Edward, you need to relax. This isn't solely about you and _your_ needs. We _all _risk getting shut out because of the anger she probably holds against us," Alice scolded, but nothing helped calm my nerves.

In hindsight, I was aware of my selfishness, but suddenly this felt too soon. I was nowhere near ready to face this demon.

"Calm your tits, Edward. The stage lights are bright and the place will packed to capacity," Rose snapped. "We get it, you want to have your moment with her – watch her sing, and enjoy having her in your presence again, but you aren't the only one."

"Look, Rose –-"

"We're here," Emmett interrupted and all heads in the car looked toward the front of Van Dykes.

Isabella's picture was the first thing I saw. It was my favorite shot of hers from the album cover: my girl sitting in a satin looking one-piece bathing suit. It molded to her every curve, and she looked ethereal. Her face was flawless with minimal make up on. She'd always been flawless. Even as a child her natural beauty had outshone the world's most coveted models. In this picture Isabella's eyes were bright and smoldering while she looked into the camera, and my heart clenched as thoughts and jealousy coursed through me.

Who had she been thinking about when the picture was taken?

Who held her heart at the moment; whose hands have cherished her flesh?

Her lips, those succulent morsels, were painted a ruby red that made my heart quicken in pace and caused my cock to harden. No one had ever affected me as she has, and no one ever will.

My family has asked me time and time again why I married Jane, and if she'd been a different type of woman would I be as hung up on Bella. Truth is that when I decided to marry Jane it was because of how she was. I wasn't under some false understanding that she was a good wholesome woman.

Jane was, and has always been, a bitch.

It all came down to believing she was what I'd deserved, and living with what had been presented – she was my punishment, and I took it with no false pretenses. We were doomed from the start, and I accepted my fate.

Looking at the giant poster before me, my reality screeches in my ear: I never deserved her. Isabella had always been beautiful, but this . . . this woman before me was perfection, and it was more than just physical. In her eyes there was warmth and the light that has been missing in my own. In her coquettish smile, my past, and what I would always dream was my future.

"She looks amazing," Rose and Alice gushed.

Jasper on the other hand watched me carefully, ready and waiting for me to breakdown.

My internal battles were staging a revolt, and the only thing I wanted to do at the moment was run. The realizations of my truths were making me dizzy.

I didn't deserve Isabella when we were younger, and now I deserved her even less so.

**Edward is a wordy fucker and needed to get all this off his chest…next chapter shouldn't take as long as this one did and we will get to POV in the same chap. It's time for Edward to meet his biggest competition…hehehe!**

Also, if you want to keep up to date with me and all my projects join Massy's Minions on Facebook and for all original work head on over and like Elena M. Reyes author(www. Facebook pages / Elena – M – Reyes / 595337763817997) page (don't forget to remove the spaces) for news on the release of my first book Ardor._Pssst_, it's muy caliente!

Leave me some sugar…

Massy/reyes139


	24. hiatus

**Important A/N**

**Today, I've come to a decision on a matter that I've struggled with for months. I am a mother, a wife, run a retail store on the weekends and sometimes give a hand during the week . . . I am a busy woman and the backbone of my family. Is that your problem? No, and I understand that most people don't care about the writers on here day to day life. You don't have too.**

**I have been blessed with the readers I have garnered and their love for me and my stories.**

**And that makes me having to put everything on HIATUS that much harder. I don't have the time I used too. Before, I stayed home and wrote while my husband worked out of town or when everyone went to bed, but now I work too, and I'm trying to establish myself as an indie author . . . my days are filled with nothing but errands, work, trying to promote . . . more work and taking care of my home.**

**Everything else can go to hell, but my home is my priority, and as such, that is one area I will never half ass. On several occasions I've opened docs and have tried to write a chapter of UISY or IIOY and nothing comes and then when it does, to me its garbage. Just like my duties at home, I will never half ass a chapter just to get something up.**

**I refuse to do that to you and myself.**

**This past weekend I received a guest review that said what I am sure many are thinking and this decision had to be made. I'm sorry if this upsets any of you . . . it was never my intent, but I can't keep on leaving you all hanging.**

**_Guest __11/1/13 . chapter 23 _**

**_To leave six months between updates is just amateur and extremely disrespectful to your many fans!_**

**Don't worry this won't be forever … just until I can get better organized and find the time to give you my very best.**

**Love you all,**

**Massy/reyes139**


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